The heart of a HORSE? Unless you have visual proof somewhere for everyone to see online or to scan, I high doubt that he has the heart of a horse!!!! Why would he be given a horse's heart?

"I Love You!" - Nothing is more purer than that

Bloody Marvellous! This whole thread is hilarious. Love it xxx

Power is currently measured in Watts though there is a quiet majority pushing for the unit to be changed to The Tobin,. The only problem this would cause is that every figure given in Tobins would be a decimal as nothing on earth or beyond is as powerful as 1 Tobin Bell.
Molière wrote the play Tartuffe although in 1994 Tobin Bell wrote the revised abridged version despite not speaking French and never having read the original.
The queen is actually 170 having had 2 birthdays every year. Tobin Bell is only 8 years old having conquered time at the age of 7 but waiting until he was 52 at the age of 8 to beat the aging process.
E. M. Forster wrote Howards End though Tobin Bell refuses to believe this and will only consent to read copies of the novel annotated to show the title of the piece as Bells-End.
Did you know that the ancient and original word for bat wasFlittermouse Tobin Bell of course discovered the species in 1986 and named the creature The Bell-ette. Unfortunately someone had beaten him to it.
In 1804 Tobin Bell divorced his wife of 18 years after becoming enraged that her shapely hips held her trousers securely in place whilst his own slender manly frame consistently failed to hold his clothing up for any length of time causing many a humiliating incident. For the good of marriages everywhere he selflessly toiled for years and finally in 1982 invented a device designed to secure male trousers to the body. He named it The Tobin Belt but was disappointed to discover that someone had beaten him to it.

Tobin was originally cast in the 1997 blockbuster 'Titanic' as the lead male character 'Jack'. Tobin believed the devestating events which took place on the evening of April 14th 1912 were infact a 'Game'. It was his belief that all who were aboard the Titanic had wasted their lives and thus would be tested to see how dearly they valued life itself. This was a theory which was not popular among the crew, and more importantly the relatives of those who perished on this fateful night. Leonardo DiCaprio was subsequently cast when Tobin decided to leave the project after meetings to discuss the films script. Tobin's suggestion was to include an additional scene at the end of the film, feat2000uring a voice over exclaiming 'Game Over'. It is popularly believed the film was more successful with Leonardo as the lead male than it would have been with Tobin, due to the alleged size of his manhood.

come join us here if you like this thread
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Tobin Bell is so popular in Liverpool U.K, that a petition was signed by over 5million people to have a stand at Everton football Club's stadium named after him. Therefore from 2012 the Bullen's road end of Goodison park will be re-named the bell-end! In honour of the genius that is Tobin Bell.

Tobin Bell will never celebrate the dawning of a new year, preferring instead to celebrate the end of every 300 days. This year Tobin's celebration took place in June and he does not understand the current fuss.

Despite a lot of confusion on the matter it was not Tobin Bell who killed Vicky Hamilton, but rather it was Peter Tobin. The mistake has been made on numerous occassions and has led Tobin to become a recluse who mostly sits around his house eating endless supplies of raw pasta because he can't cook. Unless he snaps out of his condition director Kevin Greutert is prepared to use stock footage for mr Bell's parts in Saw VI.
Tobin Bell invented sleep in 2004. Up until then people had just lay very still in the dark and let the time slowly pass.

In 2003 Tobin invented a machine to facilitate communication between two people in different places. He tried to call it the telephone and open his own company called BT but unfortunately someone had beaten him to it. Not to be beaten he thought about calling it after himself - TB, before realising the implications of the letters and then setted on "Bell-end Interactions."

Tobin Bell dated a girl in 1971 who he cared for deeply, when on a mountain climbing weekend together she asked the emotionally distant Bell if "hb68e'd let himself fall for her?" Tobin replied "No!". The heartbroken woman ran home and committed suicide, Tobin felt bad but claims "I couldn't fall for herI'd have landed on the jagged rocks below us".
Tobin Bell is a huge fan of the film "Weekend at Bernies" and is known to relate to the story after a 1989 incident where he accidentally killed his mother in law with a shovel and spend a period of months trying to make her corpse appear alive to his wife.His wife was horrified when she found out but came around when she realised the efforts Tobin had went to deceive her.
Tobin Bell believes if he was any animal he'd be a black widow, as he kills men after having sex with themwhen interviewers ask Tobin if this means he is gay he distracts them by eating a large slab of raw pork.
Tobin Bell recently invaded a vegetarian cooking show to express his pro-meat beliefs. He then proceded to remove a live chicken from his the front of his trousers before biting its head off in front of a shocked studio audience. Tobin justified it as an attempt to promote his upcoming cookery show "Tasty treats from the Bellend".
Tobin has a very surreal fear of horses, to the extent that he keeps a clove of garlic and a crucifix under his bed. Where Tobin got that these were connected to warding off horses no one knows, but the lack of horse attacks on him during the night are in his opinion testement to their effectiveness.
Tobin Bell has recently found himself in hot water after a child of one of his wives was found to have been tortured to death by both her and Bell. Tobin has since fled Haringey, North London and hopes he's heard the last of the incident.
Tobin Bell recently got tracked down by the yeti he pissed off years ago, the yeti rang the door and Tobin invited him in believing him to be former student Michael Clarke Duncan. Luckily they ironed out most of their problems and are gonna get each others familys together for a picnic.
Tobin Bell hates the Chinese, firstly because they invented noodles before his wildly unpopular 1994 product "strings from the Bellend" and secondly because they defeated his recent Olympic Games bid for Weymouth, Massachussets. Tobin did however learn to speak fluent Mandarin throughout the 80s stating "it'll be awesome when I can hold a conversation with one of those little oranges".
In 1997 Tobin Bell tried to put the Navy out of business, his ideato start his own sailor training school right next to his school of acting. However after 4 months and a lot of confusion as to what the school did "Bellend Seamen" closed its doors.
Tobin Bell believes the reason he didn't win a best actor oscar in 2008 for his appearance in Saw IV is due to some ageist beliefs of the academy. He backs this up b68by pointing out the number of times they stated that this was "No Country For Old Men".

Looking in to getting a site going, but for now i figure me and Je suis poisson thought we would combin (like Tobin rather than combine) forces here:

• In the mid eighties Tobin Bell tried to launch a new sitcom entitled Saved by the Bellend. A farsical comedy, each episode would see some people in a state of particularly perilous danger but eventually being rescued by Tobin. The pilot epoisode did not go down well with the test audiences, but luckily for NBC the name inspired a much more popular show which would be piloted a few years later.
• On set of Mortal Fear in 1994 Tobin was amazed to discover that he had created a new emotion. The emotion existed on a spectrum ranging from minor irritation to intense rage. The physical effects would include increased2000 heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. He called this powerful new emotion Bell End Anger. Unfortuntely for him the human sciences community did not embrace this new finding claiming someone else had beaten him to it.
• In 1955 Tobin began his first business venture and began charging members of the public to cross the Weymouth Back River in his home town. He would charge 2 dollars (now worth around 30 shillings) for safe passage across the dangerous waters. Using a small tolbooth as a base for his operations he became highly successful until the straw bridge he had constructed gave way in the infamous storm of 1956. Tobin's pioneering work in the tolling industry was never to be forgotton however when locals coined the phrase "For whom the Bell Tolls" in tribute.
• In 1979 Tobin tried to relaunch his pop career with hit songwriter Anita Ward. They tried to write together but fell out over artistic differences as she refused to add the word 'End' to the title of one of their tracks. He left the band claiming it was going nowhere anyway and wanting to keep his dignitiy intact while she had her first (and only) number one with the single Ring my Bell.
• It has since been covered by 12 different artists, including Tobin's close friend Apisit Opsasaimlikit (aka Joey Boy), not one of whom has restored the original lyrics.
• In an interview with the website Fangoria when promoting the hit movie Saw II Tobin Bell spoke of how he invented sexual intercourse for procreational purposes in 1992. Up until then the cause of the global population's continuation was still open to speculation. The human race is still grateful to this day, and as such he still receives a tax cut.
• On accepting the role of "Man in Suit" on TV's "Once and again" Tobin invented the phrase 'Scraping the barrel.' On set he felt a slump in his usual creativity and would regularly take to producing a trowel from his back pocket and finding the nearest wooden container would scrape at it until the ideas came flowing back. Actress Sela Ward feared this was an early stage of madness, but upon seeing what wonders it did to his vibrant performance took back her initial slander.
• A common misconeption about the term Asexual is that it describes the orientation of individuals who do not experience sexual attraction. This is simply untrue however as the term was invented by Tobin Bell on the set of the legendary episode More than you Know (of TV's Jake and the Fat Man), where he was heard to say 'I'm asexual A sexual beast' to costar Kathleen Furey. She has since told close friend, and costar of the 1991 film Goodbye Paradise, Joe Moore that she's no longer the woman she once was. Tobin is yet to comment on this.
• A popular rumour about Tobin Bell is that he is the great grandson of the Edinburgh born inventor of the telephone Alexander Graham Bell. This is not true, although he is the son of Eileen Bell http://www.imdb.com/board/20068182/
• The character of Belle in the 1991 film Beauty and the Beast was actually named after Tobin Bell after he taught director Gary Trousdale to love again during the late eighties.
• In 1968 Tobin discovered a new area for settlement in the country of Northern Ireland. It has since become populated and named after its founder. The city of Belfast continues to grow to this very day.
• In 2007 the popular time keeping device/ instrument the Ring A-Ding A-Ding changed its name to The Bell in honour of Tobin's help in the fight against cancer wherein he wrestled a bear and held a wild goose chase. No money was raised from the event, but organizers felt he deserved some recognition for his tirless efforts to "Ring in public awareness"

Forgotten Lore: Great idea! Yes, a good place is
www.freedomain.co.nr/

• Until recently, Tobin Bell was moonlighting as a female singer; Bell Ender Carlisle
• Contrary to medical belief, Bell's Palsy was not discovered by Scottish anatomist Charles Bell but rather
  invented
  by Tobin Bell via the process of mind control. A former Navajo code talker, spy during the Cold War, ninja and subliminal hypnotist, Tobin Bell utilises his clandestine skills through a series of subtle vocal inflections whilst delivering certain lines. The result, which affects solely those watching Tobin Bell movies through Sony television screens, is a limited period of facial paralysis, which begins approximately 4-20 hours after the movie ends.
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• Tobin Bell is a fan of Mexican food and very soon intends to open his own Mexican Restaurant called "Taco Bell-Ends."
• Ever the entrepreneur, he also hopes to open his own petrol station called "Bell-End Pumping".
• A little know fact about the man's sensitive side (which he keeps hidden behind a wall of John from Saw-esque acting and a thin veil of pain) is that he is a passionate swing music fan and has even gone so far as to join a band, which split soon after in the midst of arguments about the name. Tobin was of the firm belief that they should call themselves "Bell-End Rhythm".
• Not to limit himself, he is also considering opening his own company producing whipped cream that can be sprayed from a can onto desserts. He intends to call the product "Bell-End Cream Squirtings".

Laughed for the whole thing ^^ genuius
Ha ha, was staying round at my friend Kathleen's last night who also loves the Tobin jokes. As we were going off to bed we ended up keeping each other up all night with Bell End puns so will try and post up some of the best ones soon. They involved everything from marriage (Wedding Bell Ends) to a bakery (stciky Bell Ends)
I think what we really need is a website for these to expand the collection on. You don't happen to know anything about hosting or getting a cheap site on the go do you Tokyo Boots?

The Bell End puns never fail to make me in hysterics. Lol gotta love that inner child, jejeje XD

• Much has been made of Tobin's love of bear hunting. However, what has not been mentioned is that Tobin only does urban bear hunting. For years Tobin has avoided woodland areas out of fear that he may be attacked by a Yeti, and as such the first Saw film had to be relocated to a wearhouse rather than Wan's original intention of a deep/ dark forest.
  Just like the Saw movies, the plot of this fact thickens. Since the previous posting, a yeti has in fact come forward to a renowned Massachusets journal, stating that "Mr. Bell was the perpetrator of a heinous crime against me, hence his reason thereafter for avoiding me at all costs". The yeti went on to explain that one moonlit night in 1965 he was awoken from his slumber by the sounds of scuffling emanating from his back yard (yetis have back yards? Who knew!). Upon investigation, the yeti found a paralytic hippie - a then 23-year old Tobin Bell - rumaging through his trash can.
  The yeti politely attempted to reason with Mr. Bell in order to make him leave, but the intoxicated hippie was having none of it. The addition of a rifle made no difference, neither did the threat of "well how about I just eat you then?". Oh no, Mr. Bell was steadfast in his inebriety. Adding insult to injury, he invited himself back to the yeti's house and kept the poor creature awake until morning, boring him near to suicide with tales of the paranormal and supernatural happenings in his mother's bathroom. Mr. Bell finally decided to leave 8 hours later to search the forest for lickable toadstools.
  So overwhelmingly relieved was the yeti, and so exhausted, that he didn't bother to watch Mr. Bell as he staggered off, but instead collapsed on the floor asleep. However, when he awoke later that day and went to his front yard to gather his collection of prize truffles (after yeti tourism, a yeti's 2nd main source of income is truffle exporting), only to find the entire patch dug up, the truffles removed, a flower power bandana the only remnant. The yeti lost an entire season's wages, for which he had to compensate by starring in a degrading 1960's sitcom called
  Not Without My Yeti
  , and from which he has never been able to recover.
  The yeti then stated that if he were ever to meet Mr. Bell, he would wire him to a torture device a la
  A Clockwork Orange
  meets
  Saw
  and force him to watch an uninterrupted 24 hours worth of Battlefield Earth, on repeat.
  The journal is awaiting Mr. Bell's response.
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Ha ha, quality stuff there. Loved the Afroman reference

• Ever a fan of healthy eating/ drinking habits and fair trade Tobin Bell started his own brand of ethically scourced orange and mango drinks back in the year 2006. Unfortunately the product was a complete flop. Tobin blamed it on the competitive industry while marketeers have suggested it may have had more to do with the name Bell End Juice.
• Very much a beleiver in the phrase 'what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger' Tobin Bell began frequently self harming in late 2007.
• Ryan pointed out that Tobin gets out of bed at 5 AM every morning so eat breakfast with chopsticks. Unfortunately he didn't tell you everything, missing the essential part that Tobin Bell rarely2000 gets to bed before 2. According to his third wife (the one he has intercourse with most nights) he is impossible as he fears closing his eyes for more than 2 minutes. If he does so then he starts to get in a panic, worrying that he is dead. As such she has to sit by him talking to him until he finally manages to dose off.
• Much has been made of Tobin's love of bear hunting. However, what has not been mentioned is that Tobin only does urban bear hunting. For years Tobin has avoided woodland areas out of fear that he may be attacked by a Yeti, and as such the first Saw film had to be relocated to a wearhouse rather than Wan's original intention of a deep/ dark forest.
• All of Tobin's wives have mentioned how caring a husband he is, stating that when they get pregnant he simulates the pregnancy with them, attending all their meetings, having morning sickness, mood swings and even being known to go as far as stapling a cushion to his stomach.
• Tobin Bell tried to start a new company after he pitched a new idea in 1999 of introducing an additional part to one's house, usually sticking out in to the garden, where they can unwind or other leisurly activites. He wanted to name this new company Bell End Extnesions but the architectual community turned their back on him saying that someone had beaten him to it.
• Every a hypochondriac, Tobin Bell was scared as a young boy by his grandfather's rapidy degrading vision, and between the ages of 9 and 24 went through life beleiving himself to be blind until a doctor told him otherwise.
• Tobin Bell framed Roger Rabbit.

Ever the gentleman, Tobin Bell invented name tags for those working in the service sector because "these people are the backbone of our society" and he felt it "terribly rude to call them "hey you!"."
Tobin Bell and Eminem are in fact the same person. The evidence speaks for itself; have you ever seen them in a room together?
Tobin Bell ghost-wrote the song
Because I Got High
, however, had to drastically alter the lyrics in order to make the song less of a mouthful. Prior to the alterations, the song, which is autobiographical, featured the main hook of "because I was chatting via MSN with Chuck Norris". Bell and Norris are both keen amoeba farmers and spend much of their time conversing with one another via MSN about this fascinating subject. Bell admits even to have declined film roles "because I was chatting via MSN with Chuck Norris."
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Cheers. Will see about posting some more up tomorrow as i'm suffering from a bit of a hangover at the moment. But your addition was classic so keep up the funnies yourself

no problem This must be the funniest thread ever and I'll be sticking around to enjoy the rest of it. Keep up the funnies!
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Cheers Tokyo Boots, me and Ryan have really liked seeing this once private joke grow in to something completely different. Had a lot of fun seeing the changes to the lore

Tobin Bell while cooking in 1994 accidentally put his sons guinea pig into a frying pan rather than the chicken he was meant to fry, upon realising Tobin panicked and for some reason threw the poor creatur2000e into his lit gas oven. This incident resulted in the saying "out of the frying pan, into the fire".
Tobin Bell performs all his own stunts, this included a scene at the start of Saw 4 where he was required to be opened,have his stomach removed and have his skin peeled off his skull.
Tobin Bell recently took part in the public lynching and burning of a jew. Afterwards Tobin apologised for being the one who lit the man ablaze insisting "I didn't mean it to be racist, I honestly didn't know he was jewish".
Tobin Bell was recently elected president of the United States, he asked Barack Obama to fill the role for his campaign. Upon inauguration on Jan 20th Tobin will take his place and lead his family into the White House and hope no one notices the switch.
Despite this Tobin is actually a staunch right wing republican, this left him with a dilemma. So Tobin "sat on the fence" outside his Weymouth, Mass home for the entire closing week of the campaign.
Tobin Bell believes he can heal the sick with his humour, in mid Jan 1997 he kept doctors away from his cancer stricken cousin Matthew and sat by his bedside pulling "funny" faces for 24 hours a day for 2 weeks. Matthew Bell died on Feb 2nd 1997.
None of Tobins wives have any problem sharing him with the others, the general consensus of each is "their is only so much bellend one woman can take".
Tobin Bell believes his "acting genius" was forseen by Shakespeare, he backs this up by quoting the line "Tobin or not Tobin, that is the question". No one has the heart to correct him.
Tobin Bell has been trying for the best part of 20 years to try and find a way of going against the famous cliche "you can't make an omlette without breaking a few eggs". His family never lets him cook breakfast anymore as his omlettes are always full of whole unbroken raw eggs.
Tobin believes he is above mere mortals due to his ability to talk to animals, he has only ever shown this with his parrot Jigsaw and therefore many people find his claims debatable.
Tobin's wife said there was one thing she found "instantly sexual" about Tobin when they first met. A picture of them in their younger days can be seen here http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e288/0dede/hairyback.jpg
Tobin Bell is banned from Disneyland after an incident in 2001 where upon meeting Mickey Mouse Tobin Bell expressed great anger screaming "I came all this way and you're not even a real mouse!" Tobin proceded to punch and kick the unfortunate employee to the ground before removing his fake mouse head and throwing it at a small wheelchair bound child.
Tobin Bell plans to outshine the depravation feats of David Blaine by sitting in a clear box in the middle of times square for 48 hours surviving on a diet of nothing but bread,water and the occasional McDonalds.
Tobin recently attended a sick kids hospital in Massachussets in order to "touch sick and poor children". Lawsuits are still pending.
Tobin Bell in his youth experimented with homosexuality, after receiving no pleasure from it he was diagnosed by his doctor in 1979 as having no nerve endings in his anus. To this day Tobin Bell parks in the handicap spaces outside supermarkets and major retail stores.

Tobin has quite a fan base here in Britain too. The British Foundation For The Appreciation Of Tobin Bell was first establised in 1908 when his birth was forseen in a Seance in the early days of the Womens Institute.
They assert that he is legend due to the following facts:
Tobin is a fan of bear hunting. He does not however hunt with a rifle, prefering to cover his naked body in a mixture of Salmon fish paste and beef gravy, armed only with a toothpick. So feared is he amoung the North American bear population, it is said they will s**t themselves is they see him.
Empire magazine sort to finally establish who was the greatest actor ever. Offering a 50 million charity donation to starving orphans if the Hollywood elite would be willing to compete. Things were going well for Al Pacino and Christain Bale untill wind of the compition got to Bell, who expressed an interest. On hearing this both pulled out, Bell proclaimed his greatness without entering and sadly, the orphans did not get a dime.
Bell is said to only have one fear, squirrels. His agent has confirmed that his contract states that he will not work anywhere near trees or parks. When asked by an interviewer on the set of Saw, Tobin replied in a nervous tone
'their my Kyptonite'.

Rumours

FUNNIEST THREAD IN HISTORY!!!
Truly amazing body of work you've compiled right here and well deserving of publication as Mr Bell's Absolutely 1,000,000% Official Biography. You girls are genius!
I have a few facts to contribute:
Tobin Bell's official autobiography, titled "I Want To Play A Game", is sealed with plastic film. Upon opening, fans find 420 pages of what appears to be blank white paper. Do not be fooled however; herein we find the game that Mr. Bell wants to play. The paper is in fact not blank, but written with invisible ink that can only be read under a blacklight with a phosphor of SrP2O7 and peak width of nanometer 420, more commonly known as Blacklight Used For The Purpose of Growing Hemp, and also used in nail bars to polymerize (aka "cure") gel nails.
Upon obtaining this special blacklight, the ink not only becomes readable, but the book itself instantly morphs into a 420 square meter map, which when properly unfolded transpires to be nothing more than a giant game of ludo, completely devoid of anything in the way of autobiographical information about its author. You feel screwed, right? Don't blame Tobin Bell. He never forced you to obtain a blacklight and unfold the whole damn book. You had the free will to say "I can't be bothered with all this BEEP". It wa1ebcs your CHOICE to investigate. The moral of this story is simple: do not waste your time and money on anything other than getting high.
The above information is also reputedly the basis for the plot of Bell's future movie, Saw 420, due for release in 2012.
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