We'll need two other great stars to appear now that Sands and Kilmer have gone on to the big bad movie on the other side.
"The trouble is most people are twats or cunts. Or both."

And don't forget the score by Giorgio Moroder which includes a title-song duet from Annie Lennox and Sting.
I don't think there's anything extraordinary about me except this passion for the truth.

There would also be a misogynistic theme running throughout the film
Michael Bay's got you covered
If he can put an up-skirt shot of a recently murdered woman on screen in Pain & Gain then he'll give you the misogyny plus change as well.
Taking recent events into account why don't we get Naomi Watts to star, I mean she's done Movie 43 and Diana so if we are going to make the all time big clunker that would be a great hat-trick for her. Then she can storm out of another interview with the affable Mr. Mayo.
Oh and Michael will get the idea to hand ten minutes of the film to the master himself: Jean-Luc Godard who subtitles the film like "Film Socialisme" so the original plot will just be forgotten while Godard has his wicked way with the film. Think about it 155 minutes of Michael Bay plus 10 minutes of Jean-Luc Godard.

There would also be a misogynistic theme running throughout the film. There would also be rather crass commercial product placement(like in Casino Royale and Skyfall) in the film.

Fred from YouTube and Danny Dyer would need to appear as well. Fred would do his constant shrieking and Danny Dyer would try and put something across everyone's canister, act like a Geezah and give relationship advice (if you recall his Zoo magazine comments)
It would need to be 5 minutes longer than 2001: a space odyssey and have very little story progression or things of interest.
Needs to be based on a real life tragedy, make light of the victims fates including all the sensibility of a Michael Bay picture.
There will need to be some dialogue out of left field where the characters spend 5 minutes saying how well made and scary new wave horror like Insidious is compared to the "dross" that is The Exorcist.
At one point a character should just say that all film critics are fools with worthless opinions, who should try making something themselves and then turn to the camera winking and grinning at the 4th wall.
Some ideas anyway, let's get this thread going everyone! Maybe one day Michael Bay will get the funding to make it