‍️ Christina 1986-05-20 — 1 year ago(December 19, 2024 09:25 PM)

You may have diabetes, cancer.
Maybe, most moms weren't as healthy when pregnant or maybe mixed race babies looked healthier.
I was worried everyone would snap judge me and confuse me alone for a moment being observed, about when I looked extremely good from being what seems to be quite healthy for my resources. I could also look at my whole life sometime until 2005, when I gained weight I could not lose. I was always skinny until 2002, maybe getting hungry after fasting and not losing it while lounging around like a slug in the mental hospital on medication for thought disorder for schizophrenia, for a week or a little more after coming home maybe a day. You know, everything was safe then, under 18, like an adventure if you have mental health problems, like slacking off in course choices and whatnot and postponing graduation maybe and begging for scholarships or acceptances. I never thought about how that got in the way of my music progress and acceptance, until just now.
Unfortunately, I don't have many photos now, some I didn't take in my teenage years and then my health plummeted after my 1st year of college and the ones that weren't developed since Hurricane Katrina 2005 and some portraits and maybe a lot of home videos.
I felt rejected by my mom for not doing ballet/gymnastics or something of a lesser degree that exists. She was the one who couldn't always get me in a class or didn't for some unknown reason, or not as much as most kids until way later I could chose but was doing a bunch of music activities and majoring in music.
So, anyway, now, people see me and aren't nice if I don't look good, as I'd expect and think I was dishonest if people liked me when I looked better. I've been kept from affording things, too, even more since 2005, like satisfying cravings on time so I don't binge and overeat later for a long time and getting good tasting health food, including at health food stores things they offer over there. I couldn't even go back to college it seemed, my parents said nothing and probably couldn't afford it. I was gonna go to Germany, but my mom obviously said no though I could not find a job again later after that like 2016.
What's worse is people know me and watch me in private and if I can't afford something I need like food, which is healthier and that I need that is more expensive, they make it harder for me in life. I know about kids getting by on unhealthy stuff and still being skinny and friendly, but I find that I need to eat and move around. I know some people ate a lot as kids maybe and later on get skinny and don't have to eat as much as most people to get by. These people are getting diabetes and others I guess cancer and dying and things, not marrying, who knows.
So, are you embarrassed? I post my picture, so you can all see and try to talk to others.
½ S/N Asian (40%+ Chinese) ½ Norwegian/Danish-Irish Swiss (Amish/PA) German French Dutch? French+Dutch Celtic-Irish English-Irish? ..?