planetary — 1 year ago(October 25, 2024 01:07 PM)

In China, André Rieu is called Sifu for his mastery of the contrabassoon, the cat piano and praying mantis kung fu.
He won the Kumite tournament in 1988, but the monks in Hong Kong rescinded his title and withheld the ceremonial sword because Andre ate lemon-flavored urinal cakes before each match.
It's a piano, and when you press a key it stabs a cat with a pin so the cat screams. Each cat screams in a different note, so you can create elaborate and enchanting melodies from the tortured cries of adorable animals.
But then we were Chinese, and to ask ourselves why the Zodiac Killer played Parcheesi, that's when André Rieu got ****ed in the face with an aardvark.
The yakisoba was delicious. We had urinal cakes for dessert.