Boris Johnson — 6 years ago(July 25, 2019 06:11 AM)

I always hoped to be called Dirty Steve by my friends on account of my name is Steve, but unfortunately another guy in my gang is already called Dirty Dave. He got that nickname from quite an amusing incident: we were skateboarding around Love Park in Philly back in the 90s and there was this old, filthy, aids infested sweatshirt lying on the ground that had been there about a week. It was so nasty even the homeless bums that frequented the park wouldn't touch it. Dave was sitting on a bench and another of our gang decided to play a trick on him, I believe it was Jude, who was aptly named as he was about to betray his buddy in such an. underhanded manner. He got a branch that had fallen from one of the trees and used it to lift the shirt, then he snuck up behind Dave and tossed it onto his head. Well, Dave didn't take too kindly to that, he took off running after Jude yelling at him, "Motherfucker, it went in my mouth!" Which wasn't unlikely as Dave had a habit of being slack jawed and his lower lip lay out in the open so much it was always chapped and peeling. Eventually he caught Jude and gave him a few good digs about the shoulders and chest. Then he went to pick up the shirt and said he was going to make Jude eat it, but Jude got away and ran all the way across JFK boulevard and down the escalator into the 15th street station, and I'm assuming he hopped on the next El up to Northeast Philly where he lived. Me and Dave lived out West so he knew he'd be safe. But the damage was done. Dave became Dirty Dave, which was funny because he wasn't Dirty at all, in fact he always had the nicest clothes of any of us.
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