I'm not sure whether these have been mentioned but one of my favourite scenes happens at the very start when you see Felix trying to commit suicide by jumping out a window - only he struggles to actually open the window!
Felix: ''You're crazy. I'm a neurotic nut but you're crazy!''
Another favourite was when Oscar throws Felix's food against the wall and says something like ''Remove that spaghetti off my poker table'' And Felix starts to laugh and says something like: ''It's not spaghetti. It's linguine!'' Or something like that! I can't remember it properly! It's been a few months since I last seen it! Haha!

Jack Lemmon. You absolute GOD!

Felix (regarding plans to join the Pigeon sisters in their apartment): I can't go up there. I cried in front of them.
Oscar: And they loved it! I'm thinking of getting hysterical.
Don't remember if this is from the movie or the tv show:
Felix (after Oscar tells him how he was better off living alone): Oh really? When I arrived I found you huddled in the corner eating gray spaghetti with a pair of tweezers.
And I don't think this was mentioned yet the FU and the corn flakes
You know me. I'm just like you. It's two in the morning and I don't know nobody.

AS THE POKER PLAYERS LEAVE
MURRAY (re-entering the apartment): You sure?
OSCAR: I'm sure.
MURRAY (loudly, to Felix): Good night, Felix. Get some rest. Things will look a lot better tomorrow. (To Oscar, sotto voice) Take away his belt and shoe laces.

Murray: Who goes to Florida in July?
Vinnie: Wellit's off season, there's no crowds.and you get the best rooms for one tenth of the price.
Speed: Some vacation! Six cheap people in an empty hotel!

oscar i want you and that spagetti out of my house! felix you dolt its not spagetti its linguine oscar (after he smashes the plate against the wall)now its garbage!

I really can't think of any line in this that is not funny, but I have to agree with all those who mention "we are out of cornflakes . . ." has to be the favorite in my house!
By the way, Oscar saying to Felix "goodbye, Frances" is not a mistake, it's in the script. (I have a copy)

Oscar: (in the park) "C'mon, let's get outta hear. The muggers'll be here, soon."
Oscar: "I'm proposing, for God's sake. Whaddya wanta ring."
Roy: (as Murray and Vinny discuss the BLT sandwich) "Are you listening to this?? Gertrude and Martha at the automat!"
Oscar: "Do you know what he was planning for next Friday's game, 'as a change of pace?' A luau!!"

[
] Oh my god, the turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement!
Bunny I LOVE your signature April 24th, finally it comes to DVD.
T
e
d
in Gilbert, AZ

I can't take it anymore, Felix, I'm cracking up. Everything you do irritates me. And when you're not here, the things I know you're gonna do when you come in irritate me. You leave me little notes on my pillow. Told you 158 times I can't stand little notes on my pillow. "We're all out of cornflakes. F.U." Took me three hours to figure out F.U. was Felix Ungar!

"Do you know what he was planning for next Friday night's poker game as
a change of pace?. . .Do you have any idea?!
A luau. . . An Hawaiian luau roast pork, fried rice, spare ribs. They don't play poker like that in Honolulu."
How are we going to find him? It's a big city.
Oscar:[mockingly]
Its a big city.
We'll look for a guy with a suitcase who's cryin!
Oh my god, the turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement!

It may not sound funny reading it cold, but the funniest line has to be when Oscar walks in late for dinner, and Felix says to him "Why didn't you call?"
Or when Felix is showing the Pidgeon sisters photos of his family, and shows them one of his lounge. "Did she get the lamps too?"
Or Felix saying to Oscar about the sisters "You talk to them, I've used up all my conversation, I've told them about my brother"
Or Oscar to his poker friends re Felix's hostess skills "Do you have any idea what he's planning for nexts weeks game as a change of pace?"
Or Felix "I'm not cleaning that up, do you hear me, I'm not cleaning that upI'm cleaning that up. (Surely the forerunner for Monica Geller)
Or so many more.

While walking down the avenue, a caned man passed with stuttering gait
I recall him now, a friend I knew
Best I approach or should I wait
'Hi there Gare, remember me, from some time back' I said with glee
He looked across with steady focus
"We were doing fine until you woke us
Oh yes it's you and I must say, are you married yet or just quite gay"
'Well I have a girl I don't see much, but I don't favour the anal touch'
"And do you work in some endeavour, or lurch about just being clever"
This talk was dull and no escape, no place to be, no crusading cape
'I work a bit here and there
But winter's back, I'll be the bear'
"And do you visit your grandma often
Or as your drive did love now soften"
We exchanged numbers in the evening air
Such pure abuse is just quite rare
But should I call or let him first
For I am sure to be out-versed.

That sound Lemmon makes in the restaurant when trying to clear his ears. I once watched that with a friend of mine and we were in stitches.
Sometimes things are right there, you just don't know it right away

I love the scene when the poker players leave Oscar's apartment and all come back in turn to tell him where they'll be if he needs help with Felix. Vinnie says the name of the hotel he'll be at in Florida and Oscar says "Thanks Vinnie, you'll be the first one I call!" Murray promises Felix that everything will look a lot brighter in the morning before saying under his breath to Oscar "get rid of his belt and shoe laces!" Classic!

This film is indeed a priceless gem in the comedy genre. I had some good laughs while reading the replies in this thread and here's a few more classic quotes that also had me chuckling :
Oscar: "I know, he'll kill himself just to spite me. Then his ghost will come back, following me around the apartment - haunting and cleaninghaunting and cleaninghaunting and cleaning"
Felix: "I'll get a saw and cut the meat!"
Oscar: "Girls, I'm terribly sorry, I really am. I forgot to warn you about Felix. He's a walking soap opera."
Felix: "Can you imagine that? Allergic to perfumes. That used to drive Frances crazy. For a while, she couldn't wear anything except my after-shave lotion.
Oscar: "What the hell is that? The curse of the cat people?"
Felix: "A marriage counselor once kicked me out of his office. Wrote on my chart - "Lunatic"
Oscar: "Last night I found you in the kitchen, washing the floor, moaning "Footprints, footprints"
Felix: "I'm going to scrub the pots and wash my hair."
(The whole cleaning parody is hysterical to me)
and many more.
Hot damn, what a great movie!

This is one of my all time favorite movies. The diner scene where Felix makes that god-awful braying for several minutes kills me, but the line that puts me on the floor is "oh, I think I strained my throat." The timing in that scene should be in workshops for learning comic timing (if something like that CAN be taught).

i love the part where, i believe the two girls had just come over, and oscar tells felix to come up by him and he does, but in the most awkward way. then oscar utters in such a classic way, "Oh, you did that beautifully." It might not seem that funny to many, but it had me rollin the first time i saw that. Matthau's delivery was priceless.

More
Roy
: I've been sitting here, breathing cleaning fluid and ammonia for three hours! Nature didn't intend for poker to be played like that.
Felix
: Funny, I haven't thought of women in weeks.
Oscar
: I fail to see the humor.
Oscar
: Don't point that finger at me unless you intend to use it.
Oscar
: I know him. He's too nervous to kill himself. Wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie.
Oscar
: I can't take it anymore, Felix, I'm cracking up. Everything you do irritates me. And when you're not here, the things I know you're gonna do when you come in irritate me. You leave me little notes on my pillow. Told you 158 times I can't stand little notes on my pillow. "We're all out of cornflakes. F.U." Took me three hours to figure out F.U. was Felix Ungar!
Felix
: I'm a neurotic nut, but you're crazy!
"I'm a stranger to you. You have no idea what I'm capable of."

• Chris Sabian

A little follow on from the "It says 12 but it's really eleven" line. After Oscar closes the window he says, "Gee it's chilly in here." with sweat pouring from his face. The look on Oscar's face as he says it gets me everytime.
Also during the poker game Murray is talking to his wife who asks him to pick up a Chicken Hero sandwich. Oscar overhears and asks something like "What? Is she pregnant again?" To which Murray says "No, just fat..(then back to his wife) how did you hear that I had the phone on my chest?!?!" Priceless and a great movie all round.

Everyone's said it a million times, but I laughed until I cried the first time I heard "It took me three hours to realize that F.U. was Felix Ungar."
My other favorite has become a classic in my family for an odd reason. We get together every Friday night to play Hold-'Em pokerEvery time the deal comes back to the original dealer, we raise the blinds. Since the dealer button moves every hand, we needed to find something to keep track of the original dealerThe first time we played, the most convenient object was an old bar coaster That night my uncle, who introduced me to "The Odd Couple", referenced the "What happened to your coaster?" "I think I bet it" scene. We all had a great laugh, and the coaster became a tradition at our poker tableour little tribute to Oscar, Felix, Murray, Speed, and Vinnie.

This is definitely a great topic. My hat's off to the person who started this thread.
OK, that's long enough (puts hat back on).
Anyway, here are some of my favorite lines:
Oscar: "Life goes on even for those of us who are divorced, broke and sloppy." - picks up phone "Hello, divorced, broke and sloppy!"
Hotel cleaning lady, as Felix is about to go into his room: "Goodnight."
Felix "Goodbye." (Lady looks at him strangely)
Pigeon sister, after Felix has told them that he writes the news for TV: "Oh, well maybe you could mention Gwen and me in one of your stories."
Felix: "Well, you do something spectacular and maybe I will."
Sister: "Oh, Gwen and I have done some spectacular things, but I'm not sure we want it spread all over the tele, do we Gwen?"

Roy: (picks up a rotten banana peel in the trash) Ya know this is the same garbage from last week's game, I'm beginning to recognize things.
Vinnie: I make you nervous, you make me nervous, you make everyone nervous!
Murray: I'm sorry forgive, I'll kill myself!!
(in the presense of Felix who tried to kill himself earlier)
Oscur: MURRAY!!!!!
Murray: I'm sorry!
Felix: (looking out the window) Gee sure is pretty from up here. What is it 12 floors?
Oscur: No it's 11 floors, it's 11 floors.(closes window) Says 12 but it's really only 11.
Oscur: Why do you havta control everything that happens in your life. Do something you FEEL like doing, not something you're SUPPOSED to do! Stop controlling yourself Felix! Get drunk, get angry.come on break the lousy cup!
(Felix throws the cup)
Felix: Ahhh I hurt my arm!
Oscur: You're hopeless, you're a hopeless mentalcase! Go live in the closet I'll slide the meals under the door!
Later
Oscur: It's 12 floors not 11!!!
All I can think of off the top of my head, hopefully none of those have been mentioned yet.

Favourite Scene - 'Linguini'
Favourite Quote - Oscar: "Murray, I'll give you $200 for your gun."
"Women
remember
, Steve - it's like they've got minds of their own!"

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