"Didn't mean to?! You put your sword right through 'is 'ead!"

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"Look at the bones!"
"You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just cause some watery tart threw a sword at you."
"uck 'em. uck 'em all." Robert Evans

..King Arthur fight the black knight..
King- Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
Black knight- 'Tis but a scratch.
King- A scratch? Your arm's off.
Black knight- No, it isn't.

I'm getting/I got better
Now goo a-way before I taunt you a second time

" Brave Sir Robin ran away.. bravely run away awayyyy"
"HE who is valiant, pure of spirit may find the holy grail in the castle of . A-a-a-aaaaaargh"
These 2 lines cracked me up by the way they were said in the movie

"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government."
"This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes."
And I love the song of Brave Sir Robin's minstrels (who clearly adore him, a little):
Bravely good Sir Robin, rode forth from Camelot,
He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin,
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave brave brave brave Sir Robin.
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
And to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken,
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away,
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin.
His head smashed in and his heart gouged out,
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged,
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burnt off,
And his penis split and his
SIR ROBIN: Er, that's that's enough music for a while, lads

"One Two Five!"
"Three sir."
"Three!"

"and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana shaped."

Guards! Make sure the Prince doesn't leave this room until I come and get him.
GUARD #1:
Not to leave the room even if you come and get him.
GUARD #2:
Hic!
FATHER:
No, no. Until I come and get him.
GUARD #1:
Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room.
FATHER:
No, no. No. You stay in the room and make sure he doesn't leave.
GUARD #1:
And you'll come and get him.
GUARD #2:
Hic!
FATHER:
Right.
GUARD #1:
We don't need to do anything apart from just stop him entering the room.
FATHER:
No, no. Leaving the room.
GUARD #1:
Leaving the room. Yes.
[sniff]
FATHER:
All right?
GUARD #1:
Right.
GUARD #2:
Hic!
FATHER:
Right.
GUARD #1:
Oh, if if if, uhh if if w ehh i if if we
FATHER:
Yes? What is it?
GUARD #1:
Oh, i if i oh
FATHER:
Look, it's quite simple.
GUARD #1:
Uh
FATHER:
You just stay here and make sure 'e doesn't leave the room. All right?
GUARD #2:
Hic!
FATHER:
Right.
GUARD #1:
Oh, I remember. Uhh, can he leave the room with us?
FATHER:
N no, no. No. You just keep him in here and make sure he
GUARD #1:
Oh, yes. We'll keep him in here, obviously, but if he had to leave and we were with him
FATHER:
No, no, no, no. Just keep him in here
GUARD #1:
Until you or anyone else
FATHER:
No, not anyone else. Just me.
GUARD #1:
Just you.
GUARD #2:
Hic!
FATHER:
Get back.
GUARD #1:
Get back.
FATHER:
All right?
GUARD #1:
Right. We'll stay here until you get back.
GUARD #2:
Hic!
FATHER:
And, uh, make sure he doesn't leave.
GUARD #1:
What?
FATHER:
Make sure 'e doesn't leave.
GUARD #1:
The Prince?
FATHER:
Yes. Make sure 'e doesn't leave.
GUARD #1:
Oh, yes, of course.
GUARD #2:
Hic!
GUARD #1:
Ah. I thought you meant him. You know, it seemed a bit daft me havin' to guard him when he's a guard.
FATHER:
Is that clear?
GUARD #2:
Hic!
GUARD #1:
Oh, quite clear. No problems.
FATHER:
Right. Where are you going?
GUARD #1:
We're coming with you.

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
It's just a flesh wound.
I love every quote from this movie. To me, it is the best quoteable movie of all time. My next 2 are Ghostbusters and The Last Boy Scout.

Pretty much everything Herbert says. XD
"One day, lad, all this will be yours."
"What, the curtains?"
"But mother"
"No, I'm father, son."
"Listen, Alice"
"Herbert!"
"Who are you?"
"I'm your son!"

"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony."
"Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say Ni at will to old ladies."

"Bring out your dead!"
"You must bring us a shrubbery!"
Agreed that there are dozens of quotable one liners from this movie It's too hard to just pick two.

"One day, lad, this will all be yours!"
"What? The curtains?"
"Fetchez la vache!"
"Quoi?"
"Fetchez la vaaache."

i will fart in your general direction
LOLOLOLOL
__
Do everything in
Love.
I Corinthians 16:14 NIV

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No one said
Ohhhhhh, sh!t!
I was so scared I almost soiled my armor.
Arthur's JAYSUS CHRIST and his calling Tim names (You silly sod) are great.
Aw, Gilligan screwed it up. Why don't they just kill him?

"This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who."
"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony. If I went round saying I was an emperor because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

A very subtle line..
French Guard #1: Oui oui.
French Guard #2: What?
French Guard #1: Yes
French Guard #2: Oh.

For me it's ..

1. Guard at the front gate after Lancelot stabs the other guard and barges into swamp castle
   "Hey?"
2. "The knights who say Ni demand! another shrubbery!"

"JAAAAAAYSUS CROIIIIST!" haha, yes indeed. I'm watching the Tim The Enchanter scene on IFC right now and thought the same thing.

IMO, there is no possible way to determine the two "best" lines of this movie; there are just way too many awesome ones.
However, the ones I reference most are:
"JAAAAAAYSUS CROIIIIST!"
"I got better."
Let a little insanity into your life.

Let's not go to Camelot, tis a silly place.
And that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.

1. Message for you sir.
2. Now you see the violence inherent in the system