Jason Statham or some similar beep actor would play the lead role.
The doctor would be played by some talentless bimbo, probably Megan Fox.
There'd be some stupid sex scene between the two of them.
There'd be aliens.
There'd be lots and lots of CGI.
There'd be lots and lots of explosions.
Some garbage hip-hop/pop singer would play a supporting role.
The whole movie would have that ugly teal-orange colour grading.
The shotguns would be replaced with laser guns.
The assassins would probably be armoured cyborgs.
Giant robots would appear somewhere.
Michael Bay or some Asian guy who makes crappy Kung Fu movies would be the director.
I'm
Laura
Bertram's
husband
in
another
universe
.

The hero and the villains would all have to land in the '3 point stance' sometime during their conflict.

Nothing wrong with hotties.
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8. The soundtrack would have the generic dadadada dadadada rock riff the strings play in all the action flicks.

Wow. A jaded pessemistic thread in which everyone agrees with the poster's original statement. (I agree as well). Luckily no matter how many remakes they might make, we'll always the original.

Don't forget the roided up villians, use of the "f" word 50-75 times, and the hos would have had much bigger tatas, er silicone bags on their chests.

Don't forget the giant, flying robots
"Is this how time normally passes? Reallyslowlyand in the right order?"
-The Doctor

4. All the effects would be fake-looking CGI instead of detailed models.
5. Constant pop culture references and product placements.
6. Dialogue filled with constant lame jokes and one-liners.
7. Erotic dancers on the bar replaced by cameo by Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber.
   http://www.futurepig.com

You know, I think you're right.

I agree with pendergast too

I actually think it WOULD have 40 year old plus people..cast as teenagersand the dancing people in the bar would have NO nudity.
And all those intricate amazing miniature models would be replaced by ridiculous CGI
and there would be a huge fight at the end with a fire (yes a fire) that would consume the entire mining operation complete with 50 angles of the same 3 explosions.
And then of course, as the entire planet was burning the two remaining characters would share a kisseven with helmets on.

The sad thing is, you are probably right on all three points.
What evil drives the Car?

If it were made today it would have Mark Wahlberg and Eva Mendes as the lead characters, rofl, sad. I just watched this movie on Netflix, it was SO good, I love the style, reminds me of Alien.

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Any Wings Hauser would probably play Sheppard.
And Bruce Campbell (da MAN) would probably have at least 30 seconds worth of screaming
and it would be produced by, and aired on SyFy (or whatever Scifi is calling itself these days).

If the movie today was released as written above, it would be a low budget movie with bad acting, very poor excaturated effects and a direct to DVD release that soon would be forgotten.
The movie is good enough as it is, no remake nessisary.

Most likely.
Are you going to pull those pistols or whistle "Dixie"?