Florinda: Doesn't it get lonely in this big bed all by yourself?
Diego: Well, sometimes Paco gets nightmares and I let him sleep with me.
Peasant spy: Alcalde, for years I have dreamed for a place of my own.
Alcalde: Your prayers have been answered my friend. LOCK HIM UP IN SOLITARY!
After the old woman slams the door on the Alcalde and says "We paid on Thursday!" he starts laughing and looking off camera at his men "Paid on Thursday, ehhhhh" and you hear him beat down the door.
Florina (being assignned the security guards): Esteban?
Eseteban: Si?
Florinda: I don't like this!
Esteban: Goooooddddd
When Esteban's lackey, the guy wearing the patch, comes up to him dressed as a Roman soldier and says "Hail Caesar!" and Esteban simply responds "You look ridiculous."
Diego (to Florinda): Would you mind holding this please? (Hands her his sheath)
Florinda: Not at all!
Esteban: Would you mind holding this please? (Lightly tosses his sheath to her. She moves and you hear it clang on the floor) Mucho gracias.
Pretty much anything Alcalde says and does. Like when he and Diego meet again for the first time and he yells twice "Haaaap" and his soldiers get in formation then he makes this girly sound "Pleeple" and they are at ease.
Florinda: Would you go out of your way to save me?
Esteban: Please, do not make me laugh. My stomach is upset already.
George Hamilton's cheesy smiles when he makes his exit, first from the opening scene, and when he's Zorro and Charlotte Taylor Wilson shouts "Who are you?" He opens the doors and you hear people chanting "Zorro!" His cheesy look is priceless.

Here's some I love besides all the ones previously posted:
Bunny Wigglesworth: [with un-painted side of face showing, speaking like a woman] Help! Help! The Alcalde has all my money!
Bunny Wigglesworth: [turns around, with this side of face painted like Zorro, speaking very slowly and deeply] Have no fear, El Zorro is here!
Esteban: It is a beautiful day for a Reign of terror!
Esteban: Say something like a sissy girl.
Don Diego: Something like a sissy girl
Esteban: No you know. Swing your hips.
[puts hands on hips]
Esteban: Make them sway and flap your wings.
Charlotte Taylor Wilson: You don't really believe the people are happy!
Don Diego: All I know is the soldiers are quite happy shooting the people who say the people are not happy.
No 2nd Amendment, know tyranny.
If there is a Bigfoot, its of the Devil- JC Webster III

Loved all of the lines in here, but the one about the "bowels" is by far my favorite.
Bruce Lee rules!

Bunny: Well, why don't you look at it this way: in 50 years, she'll be just an old hag.
Diego: Fifty years with her would be a lifetime with anyone else.

No mas Senor, I beg your mercy from your flashing blade,and OMG!! and from your hideous dog!
Not much for Runnin from Cowards!!

I love all of the ones in this thread, but one of my favorites is:
Florinda: Oh Diego, why didn't I marry you instead of Esteban?
Diego: Perhaps because he asked you and I did not.
Cracks me up every time!!!

Alcade: "I want you to know that the tortus has been executed my friend."

"Una tortuga?"

..and he's not in Barcelona!
-John

Don't remember the exact words

• He was dressed like a salad!
• With pepinos?
• Eh con lechuga, tomate, pepinos

"Why didn't I marry you instead him?"
"That's because he asked you and I did not."
And, "FRUIT CAKE!!!!"

That prayer, and the facial expressions of both Diego and Bunny are priceless. It's almost as if Diego is wanting to say: "Is this Esteban really THAT much of an idiot?" And Bunny, as he leaves, wants to say: "Indeed he is."
And then.
Another one of my favorite quotes: "I have returned to help the helpless, the befriend the friendless, and to defeat..the defeatless."

oh Heavenly Peter
He who sews and knits (he who knits and sews)
So that we may follow in His fashion
Let this simple and inane man
Find what he seeks.

That scene where Bunny(?) pretends to be a follower of Peter, Christ's tailor. Absolutely hilarious.
Sdrawkcab kaeps uoy od?

How about this one?
Charlotte Taylor Wilson: [to the crowd] "Let your voices be heard! Oppose the greedy bloodsuckers!"
[She drops her pamphlets. Diego picks them up and hands them to her.]
Charlotte Taylor Wilson: "Thank you. I'm Charlotte Taylor Wilson. I'm with the People's Independence Committee."
Don Diego: "Don Diego Vega. I'm with thegreedy bloodsuckers."
El Paso, Texasever heard of it?

I had forgotten that one, "To help the helpless! To befriend the friendless! To defeatthe feetless!"
That always makes me giggle like a goofball!
El Paso, Texasever heard of it?

"For crimes against the pipples, you are sentenced to be executed until you are dead."
and
Diego: "I think I know what the problem is. There is something wrong with his bowels."
Bunny: "My what?!"
Diego: "Your bowels; the way you say your 'I', your 'E' and your 'U's"

Great stuff!
-Don Diego, rest assured that the turtle who did this was executed immediately.
After finding out Esteban married Florinda:
-Again, I congratulate you.
-No my friend, this time it is I who congratulate you.

"Your father told me to give this to you after he died He did die, didn't he?"

Esteban: Say something like a sissy boy
Don Diego: Something like a sissy boy
Esteban: You know what I mean. Lisp like thisss sss
Swing your hips.
Esteban: Good now flap your wrists
Don Diego: Flap your wrists
Esteban: And now say you naughty evil Alcalde
Don Diego: You naughty evil Alcalde
The way these lines are delivered by both Leibman and Hamilton with camp voices make this the most hilarious part of the movie.

Yes, it is "running in place," thank you for correcting that!
Diego (in shock): una tortuga!
Florinda: "What do the people need ROADS for? They never GO anywhere!"
Esteban: Zorro would not miss this chance to humiliate me.
Henchman: I hope you are right, your exellency.
He was dressed all in plum. Everthing matched. And he talk-ed differently. He talked-ed like a poof! SMACK!
I can't remember it exactly, but the quote where Diego first meets up with Esteban & Florinda and congratulates Esteban on winning her as his bride. "It is I who congratulate you," says Esteban.
"To defeat the feetless!"

Know me? Sink me! We were once womb-mates.
and, of course,
Walking and jumping and running in place

How about:
"I can't believe you would enter my house without permission!'
"I could say the same thing about you and my wife!"

Yeah, that's a great one!
El Paso, Texasever heard of it?