97. Never follow a watermelon truck on a drawbridge.
98. If you use a vending machine in a North Carolina public park, for god's sake, stand to the side.
99. Even when Stephen King fails at something, it's still pretty entertaining.
    He asked us, "Be you angels?"
    and we said, "NAY, we are but men," ROCK!

92. Heroes never put their a$$es in the air like that.
93. Make sure you put your keys between your fingers when you intend to punch someone.
94. Make sure you actually know how to play the card game you are involved in.
95. Do not, under any circumstances, let a dead body drip all over the floor.
96. You don't stick a person with a razor.
    Guns don't kill people, the government does.

89. Emilio's butt looks great in tight jeans.
90. Being skilled in one art form does't mean skill in another (see also Office Killer, directed by photographer Cindy Sherman).
91. Diners use electric knives.
    Most people are so ungrateful to be alive, but not you. Not anymore.
    ~Saw~

88. When aliens invade Earth, or machines come alive, North Carolina is the place to be.

85. People in North Carolina like to shoot their missle launchers from the hip.
86. Dont touch video games that are trying to hypnotise you.
87. In 1986 kids were called Deke.

While walking on your hands and knees through the sewerage run off keep you mouth closed.

18. If AC/DC does the soundtrack it'll be the best part of the movie.

82. Diesel fuel was only $1.08 in the mid 80's.

72. If an ATM calls you an a**hole you should want to speak that so everyone can hear.
73. If even an ATM calls you an a**hole it's a safe bet you have a really messed up life!
74. When there's blood splattered all over a gas station and a blood soaked body is where you pulled in you should just stand around.
75. 18-wheeler tow trucks make better guards than guard dogs.
76. 18 wheeler tow trucks need to be kept happy, otherwise.
77. Sprinklers attached to hoses and not to an automatic irrigation system can come on automatically.
78. One shouldn't stand too close to the street when an ice cream truck is coming.
79. Crappy 80's era cars can't outrun an eighteen wheeler pulling a flat bed.
80. Small planes don't like school busses.
81. There's a Little League team that has openings for players and a coach for anyone interested.

When trucks run amok, you have the option to sign up to be a He-Row.
Deh Deh Deh, DA Dabacco-Puert Rican dude from the I aint your Papi episode of COPS.

66. if your shirt says that you successfully ate at a diner you are currently seeking refuge in, you will promptly be shot to death.
67. Don't rock and roll with a bible sellsman
68. if trying to avoid being hit by the backside of a truck, run in a straight line.
69. if you do get run down by a truck thats in reverse, don't worry, you will sail about 15 feet further than your hat
70. Stephen King did have potential as a director, if only he had a better producer.

This message has been deleted.

64. Trucks, kitchen gear, soda machines, radios, pinball games, bridges, airplanes are all machines.
    Satelites and cars are not.

Any last words ?
Shut the beep up
-Mutant Chronicles-

62. If machinery, cars and 18 wheelers have run amok and you can't find your dad, it's cause he done got scrubbed by one of them big boys.
63. I can direct a really terrible movie, but if I use (enter your favorite hard rock band's name here) music, it's destined to become a cult classic. Don't get me wrong, I love this movie, but SK needs to stick to writing and not directing.

This message has been deleted.

I'm surprised this wasn't mentioned earlier, or do I have some sort of a special cut (or dyslexia)
60. If you're giving gas to evil trucks, the random highway bitch will tell you it's the same as Chamberlain taking it easy with Hitler

57. Bazookas come in Christmas stockings.
58. Hot chicks keep straight razors in their boots.
59. If you are partially blinded by gasoline, don't bend over to pick up your keys you dropped in the parking lot.

39 Deke is going to the Majors one day. He hit a ball 50 feet the other daywell Ill go ahead tell everyone not bother showing up to the draft then.
40 Lose the game = no sodas
41 Man with Hammer trumps electric knife
42 Look at that SOB he nailed it!
43 Coaches dont wear athletic supports
44 The best thing about the apocalypse.Nickels, Dimes, Cartons of Cigarettesand more free coffee than you can drink
45 If you are on or near a major highway.GET AWAY AT ONCE
46 Either youre a$$ belongs to Bubba or the state of North Carolina
47 Nothing like reading a stroke book whilst taking a mammoth dump
48 If you find your self in perilous situation the best way to deal with stress is either frig your wife or hump in the basement
49 TV and Newspapers aint gonna save this world.thats true 18 wheelers trump TV and Newspapers.
50 If Billy makes love like hero we can surmise he didnt hit it from the back.thats making love like a villain
51 When all machinery and electrics become Self Aware this also means that associated chords and headphone wires are a strangulation threatriiiiiiiigggggght?
52 Bill is sending Curtis a friend
53 Curtis needs to stop this foolishnesstry another kind Curt!
54 If you think Billys hands are blistered you should see Curtiss middle finger
55 Nothing brings closure on the death of a loved one like shooting up a drive thru speaker
56 Russian Weather satellites just happened to be equipped with Nuclear Weaponwhat a happy coincidence

37. Education from the road twitch ( think someone said something like that)

AMEN!

36. AC/DC makes one hell of a good soundtrack even if Stephen King can't direct a movie for sh*t.
    You're young, you're drunk, you're in bed, you have knives; s**t happens.-Angelina Jolie

34. If you leave without clocking out, you won't need to clock out again.
35. Ask Curtis if he's dead if a truck narrowly misses him.

26. Never mess with a bible salesman's car.
27. Car are the only electronics that won't harm you.
28. Lawnmowers like to chase after young boys.
29. If you see a bunch of trucks circling a truck stop, make sure to drive right through when you spot an opening.
30. Don't make Connie a widow on her wedding day.
31. Giving a dog a toy cop car will result in his or her death.
32. Bubba has a private shower.
33. If you see a mysterious green light covering the sky, its time to worry.

Ice cream trucks hunt kids.