When Al had a gun sneaking around Marcy's house in the dark. Marcy's answering machine came on and he turned around and fired all the bullets at it.
Tell you what…When I send my ex-wife her money…you can lick the stamps.

Way too many to narrow it down to one.
However, if I had to choose one scene that kills me no matter how many times I watch it, is the end of "Teacher Pets" when Al downright humiliated poor Bud and got his old innocent substitute teacher arrested. Although there's thousands of hilarious insults Al used throughout the show, the way he ripped into that granny was absolutely priceless. "Son, are you really going out with this pruneface?" "You cradle robber! You Cher!"
Then of course Bud makes matters worse when he pulls his pants down to prove he's dreaming.
And while not an entire scene, Kelly's "the prostitution rests" is one of my favorite lines ever.
Looks like I'm walking

• JW

My funniest episode is the 'Married with Aliens' episode where six little green aliens steal Al Bundy's smelly socks to use as fuel for their spaceships and no one ever sees them but Al.
The climatic montage of Al taking photos of the aliens is hilarious; each frame of Al posing with the aliens is more funny then the last one.

One of my favorite lines:
TV Announcer: Coming up next is the television special, "I Drink Because My Father is A Shoe Salesman".
Al: [skyward] Good one.
R.I.P. Creasy Silo, eminent theatre critic

Naming one scene is about impossible, but: anytime Peg wants sex. Anytime Al tries to save money. Anytime Al tries to win at anything.

Al & Jefferson try to put a work bench together. "Do you have any of those L's left, no just these 7's.
Then Kelly figures out how to put it together so easily.
The episode is called "High I.Q."

The Jeffersons episode, the moment it's revealed that all the husbands had left the show and were all replaced by inanimate objects.
"We're all a bit mad here"Mad Hatter, Alice in Wonderland

Grandfather P

I haven't seen the show for years. We only got random episodes shown here in England.
BAD - Bald American Dudes and the match stick test.
"They decided to call me Steve after the yellow went away" I guess there are many lines you could not get away with now.
"Peg, come and burst this thing under my arm"

AL: You know what would really feel good, a nice ice pack.
PEGGY: Oh Al. You always do this. You get the slightest little injury and you get all whiny. Y'know, like last summer when you were changing the tires and the
car fell on you? Boy, I really got a lot of sleep that night! "I can't feel
my legs! I can't feel my legs!" You are such a baby sometimes! Now just go to sleep. Some of us feel okay.

What about that one scene in S8E5 "Banking on Marcy" where Marcy has an orgasm in public!!! That moment was so hilarious, especially with Al's reaction.
"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."
-James Dean

OMG I love that one.
For some reason, the way Al says "Blaaaub" the first time just gets me every time!
I'd say this cloud is Cumulo Nimbus.
Didn't he discover America?
Penfold, shush.

Waaaaaay too many.
But the scene with Mser..Blaub always gets me. The Blob timing is impeccable!

Al urging his new young employee Aaron to dump his new girlfriend so he can be a single man. Al is convinced he did the right thing until he meets the girlfriend and realized she is the perfect woman..and then Aaron brings his old girlfriend to meet Al and she is an african american EXACT duplicate of Peggy. When she walked in and sat down next to Peg and started eating bon-bons, I DIED.

the smile on Steve's face at the cook-out when he eats the aunt trudy burger. I howl every time.

This message has been deleted.

Well if I had to choose my favorite "dumb" scene with Kelly, its when her model school closes and she talks with the statue in the park and then with the gardener and tries to put money in the gardener too.
Usually I dont really like the Flanderization of the character, though.
A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me.

For me it is when the family goes to vote on the Election day:
Something like this;
"What's your name?"
"Kelly"
"You should be with the K's"
"Ok, thanks"
"What's your name?"
"Bundy"
"Then you should be with the B's"
"Ok, thanks"
"What's Your name?"
"Kelly"
"Oh, but you should be with the K's"
"They don't won't me overthere" and then she goes back to the K's line.
A short time after she goes back to the B's line and the woman says:
"What's your name?"
And Kelly starts to cry and the woman say
"Oh, honey, take ballot, oh what a hell this is Chicago take two".
I really love Kelly scenes, this one is the one of the best with her, in my opionion.

There are so many:
Number 1 Favorite is: Al talking to Ray Ray and his boys at the end of Boys in the Hood. The skiing thing and the rest.
Men are building work bench and Peg says: "Wow, you can almost hear the looney tunes theme.
The scene when Kelly is walking home from a bad date and runs into two other bimbos.
Kelly practicing "architecture" in Kelly takes a shot.
Bud is pursuing an old girlfriend for Valentines day. He keeps getting beaten up and was raped by an old fat lady. The whole scene.
Al talking to the stuntman in the bar.
Al questioning Peggy about the box of money buried in the back yard. Peg says: "Then why are you so surprised".
Peg "God I look great. I'm glad I'm not one of those women that need a lot of makeup"
Al "Oh Please, only Tammy Fay, Zsa Zsa and Bozo use more."
Al and Steve in the kitchen testing hair gel.
There are tons more.
K/H D
If there's a way to screw something up, the "O'Commie regime" will find it EVERY SINGLE TIME!! Only 298 more days.

I think one of my favorite things is at the end of A dump of my own when they show the fountain from the beginning of the show then you hear a toilet flush see the water level drop and hear Al say "now that's a manly flush" sadly it's cut from the syndicated episodes.

How did I do? I had a meeting with the principal, a three hour meeting, a three hour meeting. You see, Bud, you innocently mixed up Robinson Crusoe with Gilligan's Island. I told them that, but the principal did not believe me. He just said, "Even you, Miss Bundy, are not that stupid."
Ah, but he was wrong, wasn't he Kel?

Never wanted to get married, I'm married, never wanted to have kids, I got two of them, how the hell did this happen?"
That one is great! It reminds me of another of Al's sarcastic gems that gets to me every time:
Al: "Marriage sucks. Have a kid. Kid sucks. Have another!"
I'd say this cloud is Cumulo Nimbus.
Didn't he discover America?
Penfold, shush.

Season 1, episode 13, Al goes to the phone to change his tickets for the 2nd time and before he gets to it mumbles." Never wanted to get married, I'm married, never wanted to have kids, I got two of them, how the hell did this happen?"
Now, for me, this short line is the tone for the whole series!!
Cute and cuddly boyz!!

The beer tax episode is HILARIOUS! After the election, Al doesn't even know or care who won the presidency. He ends with "but who ever you are, read my lips. DON'T TAX BEER!"
That busts me up every time!