Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big?

Dark Helmet: What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? CHICKEN?

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"CHECK PLEASE!"

"WATER MY ASS! BRING THIS GUY SOME PEPTO-BISMAL!"

I am your fathers' brothers' cousins' nephews best friends' college roommate.
What does that make me.
Absolutely nothing.

When President Skroob (Mel Brooks) got his head turned around backwards due to the transporter beam malfunction:
"
Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big?
"
.

May the… you know the rest.
"Please vote to preserve the unique character of Warren…" - Robert Duvall

"oh no….not again"

"You idiots! These are not them! You've captured their stunt doubles!"

What's your favorite quote?
Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Star.
Lone Starr: What?
Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Lone Starr: What's that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.

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Prepare to attack in 3, 2, -What happened? Where are they!!!

While doing a half salute.

(Mel Brooks, after a long run)
The ship is too big ! If I walk, the movie'll be over.

"You gotta help me, I don't know what to do. I can't make decisions, I'm a president!"
Either that or the way the chain of command works in the ship. "Do something!"

It may not exactly be one quote, but another favorite moment of mine is the whole scene where Dark Helmet discovers he's surrounded by @$$h0les.

Mine's when they first show Pizza the Hut and he goes in a coarse Brooklyn accent:
"Welll, if it isn't Lone Stah, and his sidekickPuke."
"That's Barf."
"Bahf, puke, WHATEVA!"
I can't get enough of that line, maybe it's because of the delivery.

"Spaceballs - the flame thrower!" I use this when there is something obviously inappropriate (object, action, spoken) around a child.
The kids LOVE this one!
Joker's Wilde

Buddy Burger. Have us scrape one off the grill..so YOU don't have to scrape one off the road!

"Man, we ain't found sh!t!" I use that when I'm in the middle of an obviously futile task.
"I'm surrounded by beep I use that around my friends.
"Let's take 5. Smoke if you've got'em." I use that when I bonk my head, especially if I do it hard enough to really hurt.
"Spaceballs - the flame thrower!" I use this when there is something obviously inappropriate (object, action, spoken) around a child.
I have to say, that I probably quote Mel Brooks and his movies more than any other director.

Way, way to many to count. "Keep firing iceholes"; the bleeps, sweeps, and creeps, and the entire ludicrous speed sequence are among my faves.

"I'm your father's cousin's brother's sister's nephew's former college roommate." (or something along those lines)
What does that make us?
Joker's Wilde

Buddy Burger. Have us scrape one off the grill..so YOU don't have to scrape one off the road!

Too many to pick from, but here's a few
"What you're seeing is now. Now is happening now."
"What happened to Then?"
"We missed it."
"When?"
"Just now."
"When will
now
be now?"
"Soon."
and,
"It's not that we are afraid. Far from it. It's just, we got a thing about death. It just isn't us."
"I'm your father's cousin's brother's sister's nephew's former college roommate." (or something along those lines)

The priest after Lonestar interrupts the wedding between Princess Vespa and Prince Valium.
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!
Joker's Wilde

Buddy Burger. Have us scrape one off the grill..so YOU don't have to scrape one off the road!