Barbara was calling Oliver horrible things like "Fck face" for the pettiest reasons. Why? Because he manterrupted her and finished her story at dinner?? What person wouldn't pull away and wrap themselves up in something more reliable - like their work?? I say Oliver was extremely tolerant and hospitable to this psycho bitch.
Get off your soapbox while I play you a tune on the tiniest violin.

What made it worse, and to the point I viewed her as the antagonist on the film is that she tried to hurt him intentionally.He may have been a douche, but he never tried to intentionally make her feel bad. When she thought he was dying her well-being was priority, and she reacted in the most hateful ways. I honestly believe he would have relented and gave her the house had she not used his dying letter against him.that was low. She basically spat on his love for her and made it like he wasn't worth loving. I would have given her the house to be over and done with a person who was that cold and hurtful.He never took a shot at her emotions or wished her dead. I do fault him for not letting her go as I saw her actions unforgivable.

I'm a married woman, yet I'd have to side with Oliver. Yes he was all the things she accuses him of. No argument there. However if you're in a marriage, instead of letting your resentment fester to the point of detesting the sight of your spouse and feeling relieved at the thought of their death, why not bring your issues to them at the beginning? A smart ass remark here and there is not bringing the issue into the open. She should have sat him down ( as he attempted to do with her later) and told him in no uncertain terms that she was starting to have doubts about their relationship. Tell him how he makes her feel. Ask him to go to counseling. Don't just sit there and scowl behind his back, seething and silently feeding your anger. It's clear he was oblivious to his own behavior. She owed it to him to at least try to change his ways before she decided that she wanted nothing more to do with him. That's not how marriage works.
It's almost as if she wanted to let that anger and resentment stew and accumulate to the point of no return. She knew he genuinely loved her but she never even gave him a chance to fix what he was doing wrong because she barely communicated with him aside from snide remarks about his flaws.
He was totally self-centered and belittling. But he was also in love with her enough to want to do anything to make her happy. She went about this totally wrong.

I'm on Oliver's side all the way.
All the way.
She was crazy.

I completely agree with you and I'm a woman. I was appalled by her actions time and time again the entire movie and I also feel like I would never want to personally know anyone who would actually side with her. It blows my mind.

Agreed! Barbara is a cold hearted witch. Nobody is perfect and that is true of Oliver. But the fact that she uses his death note against him is absolutely heartless. He even said he would of given her the house had she not used it against him. I believe him. Because he continually tries to make ammends and shows love for her right up to his dying breath. She shows none. Barbara is truly a sociopath. Siding with her is appauling.

Anyone siding with Barbara I would be scared to know in real life. The husband did nothing horrible and she was physically hitting him, giving him zero reason for wanting the divorce, using his kind gesture of a note against him, etc. It sadly just seemed like realism to me, with the woman feeling entitled to hit men and break his stuff, etc Only thing he did wrong up tp that point was he was kind of an ass, which is no grounds for how she acted.
So anyone in here saying Barbara I would have to think would be scary IRL, to think that her physical abuse and destroying property was ok because.. he occasionally talked in a rude tone. Oh noes, so deserving of a woman punching you and breaking your stuff.

I used to side with Oliver and he's still a little less bad but both are terrible.

I don't side with either. She did communicate her unhappiness in the beginning about the dinner party when he cut her off. He made excuses for it and dismissed her felling's. I'm sure he has done that to her a lot of times throughout their marriage over the years. When someone does that to some people they internalize with that particular person, because they know their felling's will just get dismissed. He would not have cared about her felling's.

Oliver's a controlling bully from early on. He volunteers his wife to "perform" for his bosses, then humiliates her when she doesn't perform as perfectly as he demands. He's threatened by her attempts to develop herself professionally, throws her cat around, tries to dictate her decisions for starting her own business, but doesn't make the effort to read her contracts when she asks his opinion on them. He's disrespectful. Eventually someone is going to object or possibly retaliate against treatment like that, and when Barbara does, Oliver becomes even more childish. Of course, at that point, they both go entirely over the top. But I sympathized more with Barbara because of the condescending way Oliver treated her.

I think they're both lunatics and love the fact that neither gave inI was going to say "particularly Barbara" but then realized that's not true. Had either one capitulated, it would have been a different movie and wouldn't be nearly as great as it is. I never sided with either one because I didn't really want either to win. I even loved the end, when he reaches over and touches her and she disdainfully throws is hand off. That's the way it had to end.

I "root" for Oliver but I do feel that both of them are to blame. They both contributed equally to the destruction of the marriage, just in different ways.
"It's Minnie Pearl's murder weapon."

She was absolutely ghastly, but he was a bit of a wet lettuce. their deaths left me unmoved. I didn't like the stupid house they fought to the death over either. It's a terrible film altogether.

I've always sided with Barbara. Oliver wasn't a good husband. Yes, he made a lot of money, but he didn't treat Barbara very well and she was always good to him.

Exactly. How is he supposed to know she's so unhappy if she doesn't voice her feelings and concerns about the marriage? He's "dug in" to his work, trying to make the money to pay for everything. He's blinded by duty and ambition. But, I never got the sense that he was unwilling to hear her out when it came to their relationship.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Forget the tone. He's actually trying to get to the root of the problem before it gets worse.
When she's calling him, beep face" because he was a little rude to her at dinner, he gave in and accepted that he was acting like a jerk. Did Barbara ever show that she regretted anything that happened to Oliver? Did she ever show that she cared? No. In fact, she tried to kill or seriously wound him numerous times.
But, of course, she has every right to treat him anyway she wants. All the effort he put into making such a great life him and his family doesn't really matter at all. He is an oppressive male.

How can you side with her when he has no clue how she felt, and then resorts to extreme measures against him. He thought she was happy and then when he really notices her dissatisfaction he flat out asks her what the problem is, and dosent give him an answer until she asked for a divorcce not giving him a chance to change. And if you recall Barbra was the first one to be aggressive.

I'm on Barbara 's side. Oliver is an a-hole. Butthis is all her fault. He was a d*ck from the start and she never said or did anything about it.

I think you're not supposed to side with either of them. It's a movie about divorce and what not to do when it happens. If anything, I side with Danny DeVito's character: if you can't reach an agreement, it's time to compromise.

I'm rooting for Oliver every time. Not because I'm a man. As a man, I have to admit that Oliver really is an a$$hole at times. But, he wasn't trying to kill Barbara until she was clearly trying to kill him.

People like you make it quite clear why men and women can not actually have truly passionate, sexual relationships. With passion, you get strong emotions like love, obsession, jealousy, anger and even hate. According to people like you, these are all evil emotions. Instead of actually letting people experience them and help them learn how to deal with them and act on them, people like you keep wanting to just lock those people for acting on those feelings. And then, you want to throw away the key. You don't want to treat them like human beings who are flawed in nature, because all you can see is the victim or victimization.
We're not robots. What kind of relationship do you have if you don't any passion for your partner?

Jztzt,
If I am reading this correctly you side with Oliver because Barbara wanted a divorce? Do you always side with a person who wants to keep a relationship alive at all cost, regardless of the other person's happiness? I think that Barbara made a mature decision once she came to the realization that she didn't love Oliver anymore.
Also, you talk about the physical and psychological harm she inflicted on Oliver, but forcing somebody to stay in a relationship with you out of pride is psychological abuse as well. If Oliver was really harmed, he could have dropped the entire charade, stopped demanding a house he was indifferent to, and walked away to marry someone younger. Heck, Oliver had an opportunity for an out that most men don't get unless they take it during middle age. He could have taken his money (that his wife of 20+ years didn't even ask for) and started dating a 19 year old.
The only thing that harmed Oliver was his pride. It hurt him that Barbara didn't want him anymore. However, mature adults often deal with this type of disappointment without it devolving into a pissing match to see who can sink the lowest the fastest (which by the way would be Oliver. Whatever Barbara did to him, she NEVER jeopardized his career).
The final point is, if Oliver truly loved Barbara (and not just the idea of the "perfect wife"), he would have given her space. He would have moved out of the house. Maybe if he had granted her respect and compassion, she would have realized that she had a good man she didn't want to let go. Worst case scenario, they get divorced, and end up being good friends that can reminisce about the good times. It also isn't unheard of for couples to get remarried after a divorce after discovering that the person they fell in love with is still there.
Everything about the way Oliver handled this situation was wrong, which is why I feel that this was mostly his fault.

I dont agree with either of the characters tactics in handling the divorce proceedings. They sure werent saints and both had a role in instigating and propagating the messy conflict.
However, my sympathies lie with Oliver and not Barbara because whereas Barbara became cold, aggressive, uncaring, and unloving at some point in the relationship (and had not looked back since), Oliver had not gone past the point of no return. Its apparent that he still loved and cared about her even after all the painful fighting. He saw and felt remorseful of the errors of his ways. For example, this is evident when he had a frank sit-down with Barbara at the dinner table and tried to reconcile with her. At that point, he still loved her and was willing to patch up the marriage by doing the right things.
When Barbara heard that Oliver had a heart attack, not only didnt she sympathize with his condition, she felt happy and relieved that he may be dead. She didnt feel guilty about not visiting him at the hospital. In contrast, Oliver wrote a loving note to Barbara at the hospital, thinking that he may die.
Barbara felt progressively trapped throughout the marriage; and instead of talking it over with Oliver or a therapist, she internalized the pain and became more and more upset with him (for making her life so uneventful and meaningless).These all led to her breaking point and point of no return: the night when she felt upset enough to want a divorce. Throughout the film, she was unyielding in her position and didnt want to talk it over with Oliver (which Oliver was willing to do in a reasonable way), let alone hear him out.
Barbara was unrelenting in holding onto her stance and was resolute on the divorce. She was bent on achieving it painfully by either inflicting physical or psychological harm onto Oliver. She was willing to wreck the family unit by all means to achieve her freedom, lead her own life, and advance her career (something which Oliver was not prepared to do so). She reminded me a bit of the Meryl Streep character in Kramer V.S. Kramer.
"sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand. ~ Cool Hand Luke

When I saw this years ago, I tended to side with Oliver, but I have to admit, more recent viewings have seen me sympathising with Barbara. Perhaps that's an indication of the depth of quality of the film.

I agree bron-tay. She was willing to forgo alimony, her rightful stake in his business, and any type of financial support and all she wanted was the house. He could have just walked away at any time and he would have been just fine, but Barbara leaving the house would have been devastating. He dragged this ridiculous thing out in the hopes that this would somehow win her back. Just his flawed logic there should tell you how little he knew her, or cared about her happiness.