"Charlie look at those clouds over there Charlie?
*looks down over the side of the sleigh
"CHARLIEEE!!!"

So many, its really was a sweet and charming film but I have to say the scene that always had me in stiches and I use this any chance I get on the empty road when I'm fashionably late : Scott is on his cell/carphone
Scott: "Oh I'm sorry I'm gonna be late this traffic is murder, same to you and that's not very lady-like, of here we go 10 car pile-up."
or something to that effect when he's on an empty, traffic-free road, hilarious.

Scott: 1200 years, I must say you look good for your age.
Judy: Thanks, but I'm seeing someone in wrapping.
"It is not our abilities that makes us who we areit is our choices"

For me it's:
Little girl: Do you make the toys?
Bobby: No, stupid, the elves do!
Teacher: Bobby, we don't say "stupid," and we don't say "elves." They're little people.
Although Judy "seeing someone in wrapping" was amazing as well.

I like the part when Laura questions Scott's new red pajamas. Charlie says they were from Judy, and Scott says that Judy was the name of their waitress at Denny's.
Laura: Some waitress gave you pajamas?

Neil: May I speak please, I'm a doctor.
Scott:(whispering) No he's not, he's a pycharist.
Principal: Go ahead, DR Miller.
Scott: we'll guess we know who's the teachers pet.
Makes me laugh every single damm time ?

Neil: Scott, what was the last thing you and Charlie did, before you went to bed Christmas Eve?
Scott: (sarcastically) We shared a bowl of sugar, did some shots of brown liqour, played with my shot guns, field-dressed a cat, looked for women (everyone looks at Scott funny) I read him a book!
Neil: What book?
Scott: (sarcastically) Hollywood Wives. (Laura facepalms) The Night Before Christmas! Come on folks!
I can drive any forkin' thing around

"Everyone loves Denny'sIt's an American institution!" Cut to Asian party at Denny's.
Throw in the fact that the scene was filmed in Canada and it's really funny.

"Everyone loves Denny'sIt's an
American
institution!" Cut to Asian party at Denny's.

When Bernard's checking Neil's sweater to see if they made it at their shop.
I don't think
more
electricity is what this guy really needs. Just throwin' it out there.

Santa's heart being checked. It beats to 'Jingle Bells.' Him telling the girl elf she looks good for her age. She replies that she seeing someone in wrapping.

This one and the later scene in the same house with the same little girl is probably my favorite bit in the movie.
Girl:
You're fatter this year.
Scott:
Thank you very much. You've grown, too
[he drinks the milk, then makes a face]
Ugh! I think the milk's a little sour.
Girl:
It's soy milk.
Scott:
Huh?
Girl:
You said you were lactose-intolerant.
Scott [leaning forward and putting his arms akimbo]:
I
did
say that, didn't I? Thanks for remembering
Those two scenes show how the old, snarky, sarcastic Scott Calvin really has become Santa Claus, and it's delightfully funny.
Otherwise, just about anything Scott has to say to or about Neil is always a rib-tickler.
"Oh, well," said Zanoni, "to pour pure water in the muddy well does but disturb the mud!"

Sarah the Little Girl: You're supposed to drink the milk.
Scott Calvin: Look, I am lactose intolerant! And I'm just about this close to taking all those presents back up the chimney.

The line about Neal needing to figure out where he's going to get more sweaters when the circus pulls out of town is my absolute favorite.

I love Neil's facial expression when he finally realizes that Scott is Santa. It is too funny!
"Santa?"
"It's okay, Neil."
"Do you even remember what you came here to find?"

Also, after he finishes delivering gifts on the first night he does the Tim the tool man Taylor grunt. "We're done Comet argh argh argh"

There is also another home improvement reference. When he's flying over the road in his sleigh at the beginning and talks to a truck driver about where to go, the truck driver is played by another actor from home improvement. It's the guy who plays Bennnie.
Also one I'm surprised hasn't been mentioned is where he orders a ceaser with no dressing, a chocolate chip cookie with no nuts, a cremdelay, and a hot fudge sundae with extra hot fudge. Then the female coworker (who I think is played by Victoria Rowell) says, "Stung by a bee, Scott?" and he says, "A big bee."
Green Goblin is great!

My mom also thought that this was a Home Improvement reference too:
He's talking about his suit not fitting that first night and he says, "I hope the man who lives hereis a TAILOR." She thought that might have had a double meaning because in HI Tim's last name was TAYLOR.

There was an earlier reference to Home Improvement when he made the remark about always having a fire extinguisher in the kitchen. He delivered the line almost exactly the way he would have if he was doing a 'Tool Time' episode.

What is the Home Improvement reference? I haven't noticed it.
When at the North Pole, Scott picks up a toy tool belt and holds it up to his waist.

What is the Home Improvement reference? I haven't noticed it.

The subtle reference to Home Improvement made me chuckle. Also:
Scott/Santa: Veronica,
VERY
nice.
Veronica: In your dreams sleigh boy.

The Punch and Judy puppets screaming when Scott drops his Santa pants.

Charlie: Neil doesn't believe in Santa.
Scott: Well, Neil's head comes to a point!
Scott: Hey, Barabbas!
Bernard: Bernard!
Scott: Bernard. Can we take a direct flight back to reality, or do we have to change planes in Denver?
Scott: You know, you look pretty good for someone your age.
Judy: Thanks, but I'm seeing someone in wrapping.
Charlie: Woah, Dad, you're flying!
Scott: It's okay, I'm used to it, I lived through the '60's.
Scott: Charlie, stay away from those things. They're reindeer, you don't know where they've been. They all look like they've got key lime disease.
"I must express myself." - Delia Deetz