fergman,
i wasn't answering the question: Why it did so bad at the box office, i was answering YOU (i followed the instructions - it said not to change the subject line). we all know Hollywood and the paying public has it's head up it's collective ass, why else explain stupid remakes, sequels and blockbusters?
look we all have our moronic guilty pleasures that we love and we sheepishly have to defend to others who don't see the beauty we do. movies are like every thing else, subjective. like they say, opinions are like ash***les, everyone has one. i have been just as high minded as the next one trying to convince friends that some piece of tripe is just that, but now i know that it is just a reflex reaction on my part thinking i am the worlds foremost authorithy.
i like it, cheese and all, but i'm not at a loss to explain why it did so bad at the box office - we all know Renny Harlin is a hack and men are afraid of strong women who can kill with impunity
infrequently,i come to see movie trivia on films i see and i like IMDb; the last polarizing film like this one was Man on Fire, which i just recently got to. have an opinion on that one?
i don't watch much tv

See, if someone had just said this in the beginning, I wouldn't have had to argue so much on this thread. All the posts above and below are me trying to get people to understand this movie is just plain sub-par. The question was 'Why did it so bad at the Box Office?!,' right? So I answered. Most people do not like this kind of movie. Some do. The people trying to defend this movie like it, I assume. This is a waste of time; don't defend it, just go on liking it, like Stephani. I just found it funny that someone could be at a loss to understand why this wasn't a big hit.
By the way, my last name is Ferguson. ferg-man. Eh. It's better than something like 'cyrixxyl0934' in my opinion. Have you been enjoying that president show Geena's in now?

45! 22! Fight for freedom 'til we're free!

fergman(what a weird name),
this is the absolute first time i ever respond to this online dialog/blog crap. i just recently watched the Long Kiss Goodnight again, for quite possibly the 12th time wih a LKGN virgin. everyone i recommend this to loves it. for pulp B movie escapist entertainment it ranks up there with True Romance. the only movie i ever watched this many times was Aliens. i guess that's coz i'm a chick and i like watching stong, tough women taking on idiot men.
sure The Long Kiss Goodnight is cheezy. jeez, viewing it now i notice the blue sceening is horrendous, and i have to agree the acting isn't so great.i've worked in film and studied it, and it is my belief that if you see decent if not good actors acting badly you should blame the director. scratch any bad acting and you'll find a bad or out-of-their-depth director. and you like Predator? that one note, practically no plot, boy-boy flick? are you kidding? funny, Shane Black was in that (IMDB movie trivia).
i agree the stylist should have been shot, Charlie looks like a hooker half the time BUT the other half of the time she looks awesome, not that many women can carry off that hard look.
the plot holes were addressed above fairly i think. try to remember "it's a movie". how about when they are down in basement about to go into cold storage, that creep Timothy takes Mitch upstairs to kill him. makes no sense, why not kill them all together? could it be that Timothy likes torturing and killing people and needs alittle release? yes, the car escaping the chemical bomb at the end was a bit much, but so are many other famous scenes. i love old John Woo movies, but how many bullets does it take to kill a man in one of his? 15? is that because they are "Hong Kong" bullets? thats what i now call it in those types of scenes; "must be those Hong Kong bullets". and what about those guns? how many rounds do they have, like 25?
watching Samantha become Charlie on the water wheel was just awesome, the power of a truly pissed off woman is one the biggest film's delights, yes just like Ripley in Aliens, and Alabama in True Romamnce. when Charlie realizes that there is no way she can take on Timothy and the CIA and tells Mitch, that it will be last time she'll be pretty coz they're gonna blow her head off, i feel the real depth of it. the acting in these later scenes makes you believe it's almost true. this movie has pieces of that.
there are more one liners in this movie than are necessary but they are fun and mememorable;"chef's do that" when she tells mitch "it'll be just a minute" to save him. the lines about getting out of NJ. Mitch singing what he does. plus the "s***K my beep line is actually delivered well and comes off honestly (although it is a really cheezy line) she imbues it with feeling. much better than my other fav movie, Aliens. Geena Davies is way better than Sigorny Weaver when says,"stay away from her you bitch", and delivers it better than most of bad lines in the Terminator movies. yes, they should have used more of the humourous bits, it could have used an injection of humor all the way around.
for great pulp writing and "high concept" you can't beat the one line value; a school teacher with amnesia who finds out she was an assasin for the CIA - that just can't be beat. the next best high concept was Terminator; a man from the future comes back to the past to protect his leader's/ his son's life.
fergman, i don't know how many movies you watch, i watch a lot, you'd be surprised. maybe it's coz you're not a woman you don't understand how misdirection can work with kids. the kid is supposed to dreaming of the puppy, while the gas ignites the gunpowder.even a hardened bitch like Charlie can't resist the lure of her own kid, even if she didn't want her.
all in all, this cheezy, badly made film always entertains and makes me feel good, and my guests appreciate it too. plus the music is great. maybe you need to watch it again. i hated Pulp Fiction (and still barely tolerate it), but since it has been on tv so much i have begrudgingly come to like certain scenes. i will say that i still don't care for any of the characters except Bruce Willis' and Ving Rhames'. but don't listen to me, i hated Citizen Kane, and comimg from film school its practically sacreligious to say that. but i hated Citizen Kane and i didn't care even the tiniest bit about any character in that movie and that is the kiss of death. i like Kyslovsky films, and i like Tony Scott films. i like some Oliver Stone films (although i don't like Oliver Stone). i liked Lost in Translation. i don't think American Beauty was a particularly good film, but i do think Kevin Spacey and his character's development were great.
i could go on and on about The Long KIss Tonight and maybe i will have to, but i must say, if you watch it expecting nothing you will be pleasantly surprised. PS did you know the ending was re-shot? Mitch was supposed to die. the focus groups just couldn't acce

I guess that's where we part ways. I must not find as much enjoyment from retardation as my friend here. I spent at least a minute trying to figure out exactly what you meant by 'movies are metaphors' and how that had anything to do with 'Long Kiss Goodnight,' but then I finally just gave up. And while I'm not sure I can all that much, would you mind explaining what you mean by that?
Also, I'd like to take time out to apologize to anyone who sees me as an a-hole. This is like a little release for me and I'm not really like this in real life. I'm much more easy-going and I'm not quite as condescending.
45! 22! Fight for freedom 'til we're free!

Hey, about half those reasons you mentioned are what make this move so awesome. number five on your list for example, everything you listed in that one paragraph was what made that movie so freaking amazing, sure its not true to life but movies are metaphors man. if you want reality go watch a documentary, and I'm not talking about any of Michael Moores films either, cause everyone knows he's full of beep
It's only after we've lost everything, that we're free to do anything.

While I want to disagree with your comment as a whole, I cannot, as
you are factually correct, to a degree.
I want to disagree because I liked this film very much.
I sometimes break films into two categories: Important vs Enjoyable
.but then I have to admit that this film is not Important,
but it was Enjoyable.
Many of my favorite films fall into this category.
("True Lies" is a good example)
I recommend that everyone get through as many of the Criterion type
of films as they can. These are films that really inform.
But I will never regret the simple enjoyments that un-important films
have brought to me.

Geena was married to Renny Harlin when she made this movie, and also "Cutthroat Island" which was a pirate thriller. Her films with Harlin did not do that well at box office. I think that it was difficult for people to perceive Geena as an action heroine. Long Kiss Goodnight had some good moments, but I think it was a tad too long and at the end, I was waiting them to wind it up a little sooner than they did.
I think people had associated Geena with Tootsie, Accidental Tourist, Earth Girls are Easy and other flicks and weren't ready to buy her playing the "spy who came in from the cold."
"truth against the world" - attributed to Boudicca of the Iceni

your opinion loses alot of credibility saying dumb and dumber and se7en are great movies.
Charlie: Were you always this stupid, or did you take lessons?
Mitch Henessey: I took lessons.
you might try reading books. fun movie.

Sorry, but anyone who includes "Dumb and Dumber" in a list of acceptable, let alone good movies instantly loses credibility points. As you point out, your objectivity is suspect, as is anyone's when it comes to assessing entertainment. Everyone has different tastes and points of reference. That it seems to matter to you so much that you be "right" is all we really need to know. Other people obviously enjoyed the movie more than you did. Why does that bother you so much. I personally shared some of your criticisms, but still found it fairly entertaining. So, I guess that means I mystify you. I'll just have to see if I can live with myself knowing that I've disappointed KeithFerguson.

My roommates have introduced me into camp movies and a true appreciation of them (and by that I mean ironic appreciation). When I watched this particular movie, I wasn't coming from that school of movie-going. I wonder if I watch it again if I'll like it any better. I should try it out and post the results.
I did recently see Running Scared and I probably would have hated that movie just as much as Kiss Goodnight if not more if I had seen it before I had my protective shield of ironic detachment. As it is, my only complaint with Running Scared is it is way too long, but it's got some great moments if you like laughing at pure idiocracy captured on film. ("I'm kinda parched.")

45! 22! Fight for freedom 'til we're free!

I'm trying to hack it as a professional screenwriter in Hollywood. Does that count?
Good luck with that.
from what i can tell, you are one of the few people in this thread with decent taste in movies, and you can see beyond what you merely like, and what is actually good.
I realize this is some crazy-ass multi-year thread, but I just got done watching TLKG for the first time and came to IMBD afterwards (also a habit of mine).
I'd have to agree that this flick was full of cliches and cheesy dialog and was only worth watching once.
I know some people will not dig that statement but thats ok.
I like plenty of crap movies, but I am also well aware they are crap, but for some reason I like them and they have merit to me. But that doesn't make them some brilliant masterpiece either.
Oh, and can anyone explain to me WHY on earth they drove the semi with the car and frozen terrorist and Sam Jackson in it, up to the soon-to-be-exploding tanker AND AND AND backed it up???
They did say they were gonna drop the car and the body in a ravine 5 miles from the city. I don't think Niagra Falls qualifies as a ravine.

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I'm trying to hack it as a professional screenwriter in Hollywood. Does that count?

45! 22! Fight for freedom 'til we're free!

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Alley Agent: Good evening, pretty lady. How 'bout some company?
Charlie: No thanks. I'm saving myself 'til I get raped.
I laughed so hard when I heard that!
What would Mr Belvedere tell Wesley at a time like this?
http://myspace.com/ladiorange

You admit yourself you never saw a trailer and don't remember this movie ever being out. The discussion ends there. That's why it didn't perform at the box office. Video sales are irrelevant since that isn't what the poster was talking about.
Word of mouth at the time was actually pretty good. The critics generally liked the movie. The studio just didn't want to spend any money marketing it after Cutthroat Island bombed.
You asked for clever lines of dialogue from the movie, well you don't have to go any further than the memorable quotes section of IMDB.
Mitch: The last time I got blown, candy bars cost a nickel.
Mitch: So, you cold?
Charlie: Yeah. Freezing.
Mitch: Turn on the heat. It doesn't work, but it makes a very annoying noise - distracts from the cold.
Mitch Henessey: What I'm saying is, back when we first met, you were all like "Oh phooey, I burned the darn muffins." Now, you go into a bar, ten minutes later, sailors come runnin' out. What up with that?
Alley Agent: Good evening, pretty lady. How 'bout some company?
Charlie: No thanks. I'm saving myself 'til I get raped.
Nathan: Alice, please. Your dog, Alice. It and my appetite are mutually exclusive.
Alice: Well, what's wrong with the dog?
Nathan: Simple. He's been licking his beep for the last three straight hours. I submit to you that there is nothing there worth more than an hour's attention. I should think that whatever he is attempting to dislodge is either gone for good, or there to stay. Wouldn't you agree?
Charlie: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Mitch Henessey: I hope not, 'cause I'm thinking how much my balls hurt.
Mitch: Oh, beep Ah, that hurt like beep
Samantha: I know. That's why I distracted you first. Same principle as deflowering virgins.
Mitch: Huh? What? Virgin - ? What?
Samantha: Read it in this Harold Robbins book. Guy bites her on the ear. Distracts from the pain. Ever try that?
Mitch: No, no, I sock 'em in the jaw and yell, "Pop goes the weasel."
And they don't even have the great ham on rye line.
A masterpiece this aint, but if you can't separate this from your everyday Renny Harlin action movie, you have no business being anywhere near Hollywoodscratch that, you'll fit right in.

Kids can be so cruel
There's a phenomenon called 'word of mouth' and a marketing device called 'trailers' that have a lot to do with how people decide to watch movies. When a movie is good 'word of mouth' draws people into the theater faster than marketing can. 'Trailers' also give people a good indication if the movie is one they want to watch. If I had just seen a trailer to this movie, I still could have told you about all ten reasons.
Anyway, regardless of how it performed in box office, the number we should be concentrating on are the video and overseas revenues. That's really what the industry cares about. Domestic box office revenue is fairly insignificant.

45! 22! Fight for freedom 'til we're free!

Your 10 reasons might stand for why it did poorly at the box office if it wasn't for the fact that no one contemplating going to see this movie would ever know any of those miniscule plot details.
This was a victim of an under marketed movie because Geena Davis wasn't a big enough draw at the box-office.
It's a clever script. Sammy Jackson, Geena Davis and Craig Bierko are all good, plus it has some good smaller roles from David Morse and Brian Cox.
I'll give you a free piece of advice Fergy, the reason you haven't hacked it as a Hollywood screenwriter is the same reason you can't tell this script apart from Bad Boys II.

Well, as I've said, tastes are different. For me, when I watch an action movie, I want to see action, and a lot of it. Bad Boys II delivered, and I like Will Smith and Martin Lawrence. I'm not sure what else to expect from action movies
But, even though I don't care for Long Kiss Goodnight, I believe the ten reasons it did poorly in box office still stand even if I did. The reasons aren't so much of a critique as aspects of the movie that the movie-going audience generally does not care for, especially because at this point in history, they were being overwhelmed by movies of this nature. (Plus it's a rated R movie, which never make moneyit's got to be Godfather if you want to see it pull down $80 million dollars in box office.)
I watched Lethal Weapon recently, the movie that started it all. I didn't really care for that one either. I don't like action movies that aspire to be dramas. Just give me action and leave the drama to people who can actually write it. I mean no offense, that's just how I like my movies.

45! 22! Fight for freedom 'til we're free!

Bad Boys II?
Halfway through I turned it off because of the horrific swearing and endless car chases and shoot outs. TLKG wasn't a masterpiece, but I found it good enough to watch the ending. Too much clich, I agree, but Bad Boys II is on my list of 10 worst movies.

So you do consider this a parody?
Last Action Hero made it a clear point to take action cliches, point them out, and make fun of them. They started this early on and kept it up for the duration of the film. The problem with The Long Kiss Goodnight is that there are so many movies that are just like it, and certainly not all of them are parodies, that it's impossible for me to ascertain whether it's a parody or if it's something to be parodied. The Long Kiss Goodnight doesn't do anything, from what I remember, to indicate that it's a parodyother than be completely ridiculous. But just ten minutes with a Sci-Fi Channel original movie is enough to tell you that not all ridiculous movies are parodies. Being a bad action movie is not enough to constitue being a parody. You've got to let the audience in on the joke at some point. I think.
Now, as far as how this movie takes itself seriously. All the characters accepted every ridiculous situation and every ridiculous character with complete sincerity. There was never a point where the bad guys were like, 'She's on ICE SKATES???' In a film that doesn't take itself seriously, there are points where it pokes fun at itself, either at some of the over-the-top characters or the over-the-top situations. So if they had that, like Samuel L. Jackson commenting on how they out-ran a grenade explosion, the movie would have been a bit more bearable.
But even if it is a parody, it's not really funny enough. In fact, it's less funny if the creators were really trying to parody action movies, because at least now I can sort of laugh at their ineptitude. But mostly I just sat around waiting for it to end.
This movie just reminded me of the ideas for movies my friend would have in the seventh grade. There are many movies like that, and I really don't care for any of them. I would recommend this movie to a seventh grader, because this seems to be what they enjoy. I'll waste my time with a higher grade of entertainment, myself. Like True Lies! Bad Boys II! Really, anything with Arnold or Will.
Parody, at least what I recall from copyright law, is using a work and altering it to the point of absurtity. Satire's function traditionally is one that punishes vice through sarcasm and irony and rewards virtue, usually embodied in a satirical norm, character that represents the way the author thinks people should act. At least what I recall from British Literature in college.

45! 22! Fight for freedom 'til we're free!

Yes, it could have been a parody if it didn't take itself so seriously. And you've got to communicate to me that it's a parody. Like
Last Action Hero
did that well. Maybe a bit over-the-top, but at least I knew it wasn't serious.
Last Action Hero
a
little
over the top?
Okay, i understand why you don't like this film there's not much oxygen in the air on your planet.
And would you mind explaining in just what way this film "take
itself so seriously"?
And if you require a "This is Parody" notice upfront, you'd better stick to getting your praody from
Mad
magazine. (But stay away from issues from before about 1980, 'cos they actually expected you to be able to recognise parody and satire [and tell the difference, by gum] all by yourself.)

Don't you people get it? It "flopped" because the plot is subversive. The CIA staging acts of domestic terrorism? Look up Project Northwoods (not to mention 911). Ferguson is a disinfo creep just like all those mindless creeps in the movie who are given a gun and told to kill, and they do it just to feel powerful and above everyone else - devoid of conscience. Ferguson certainly seems to take a great interest in a movie he allegedly thinks is worthless. He knows damn well it's a great movie - he just doesn't like the message because it hits too close to home. And now he will ridicule this post like the good little disinfo agent he is.