I honestly saw it as much more than just bantering or jousting. It went beyond mutual back and forth playfulness. It seemed to me there was a very specific goal in mind on Tom's part. He used it to guilt Lynette until he got his way.

I can't speak for everyone, but for me, personally, sure, I sometimes bitch about certain "flaws" in my marriage, or with my husband as a personnot because I'm particularly bothered by them. Far from it. I just do it because, it's there. I may even like it.
And I think Tom was the same way. He knew Lynette was a control freak. He knew she emasculated him. But he didn't care. He was okay with it.
But I also remember Tom being the breadwinner, going to college, opening Scavo's, playing in a bandin the end, he actually got to do a lot of what he wanted to do. I think the jousting between Tom and Lynette was more foreplay than anything else.

Pidder Padder? Make my Heart go Boom Bap and Then We'll Talk!

He most certainly did invent what Lynette said and did. What were the words Lynette used to beg if it's legitimate to accuse her of that? She didn't even ask. Running into someone by chance is not running to them. Not even close to Lynette's exact actions.
As for Tom thought Lynette wanted to stay home and care for the baby, no he hoped she did. That's what he wanted her to do. Lynette said and did nothing to indicate that she wanted that and was crystal clear her intent was the opposite.
Interesting you brought up stealing when I didn't even.

He didn't invent anything. He said exactly what she said to his wife. Yes it's right that his wife wanted to do something good and recommend Tom because he deserved it. There is no backstabbing in her behavior. But Lynette did it on purpose to hinder his job chances. She did it many times. Good that Tom forgave her that.
Tom didn't steal Lynette's job. He thought that she wants to care for the baby.

What manipulations? Are you referring to the promotion fiasco because I found it very interesting the boss resorted to out and out lying about what Lynette actually did do and say to justify pulling the promotion from Tom. Any theory on why the truth couldn't have stood on it's own? Doesn't seem an accident to me what happened was jacked up.
Also interesting is Janie's manipulation seems cool with folks. It's fine if the boss's wife stuck her nose into her hubby's business to get Tom the job in the first place but it's wrong for Tom's wife to stick her nose into the situation even when it was her own business.
And what of Tom when he inserted himself into Lynette's job when she was on maternity leave and told Carlos she wasn't going to want to come back?

Because of her manipulation he lost job offers and was even fired. She even decided that she wants to work with Tom in his restaurant and then she realized that working together 24/7 isn't the best idea.

It just seemed like every time Lynette wanted A and Tom wanted B he was applauded for going for it and Lynette was the big bad control freak meanie who wouldn't let Tom have his way. Never mind that his way almost always involved a sacrifice on her part or having to have his back in case he fell flat on his face. It seemed over 3/4 of the things Lynette pushed for didn't even involve anything she tried to get for herself. It involved avoiding Frisbees to the head. She doesn't try to get too much for herself. She doesn't even take her fair share.

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When it came to Tom chasing his midlife flight of fancy of the month and being happy go lucky he didn't acknowledge enough it was Lynette's strength that made it possible. He'd constantly call her control freak but how would he have been able go after what he wanted with a woman who didn't want to run the show? He needed that about her. If he appreciated her I could have liked him a lot more, but he had to act like the very trait that benefited him was Lynette keeping his package under a glass jar as if it was on display on her trophy case.

I think being married to Tom would almost turn one into a control freak though out of necessity. Like, I understand that you have dreams. But Tom had a new life dream every other season it seemed like, wanting to act like a young, single, childless person. Sorry dude, you have a big family, you can't indulge all of your whims.

Sometimes I wondered if the writers actually wanted us to believe this or if the scapegoating and having it thrown in her face so much was a reason she was supposed to be 'desperate' (like the show's title). I mean if they really wanted me to buy she was this controlling shew one would think her poor picked on hubby wouldn't have wound up with his way so often. What they said about Lynette was a poor match for what we actually saw.

In all seriousness what would have been the reaction if Lynette did some of the things the other wives did?
Remember Bree getting Ben circumcised behind Orson's back when he was dead set against it (and pulling she gets to make decisions because she's blood and he's not, yet he is supposed to love the child as his own and be the responsible father taking care of him)? There was some outcry, but does anyone think it would have been much worse if it was Lynette?
What about Susan paying off the truck for Mike when he said he didn't want her to? After a little pouting from Mike at first after he finds out it ended up in a sweet cuddle moment in the end. Would that have been the same if Lynette did the same or would Tom have acted like she cut off his package and placed them in a crystal jar to display on a trophy case?
They all made decisions when they wanted their own way to get it.

Exactly, oh no, he was better because kayla called him Daddy with doe eyes. So obviously he was the better one

What got to me was Tom acting as if Lynette wasn't putting in the effort in regards to Kayla. But what wonderful father daughter scenes were we shown indicating he tried harder to bond with his daughter (or even tried as hard as she did)?

Tom acted like a petulant baby so much I started to hate him, and Lynette got absolutely crapped on and somehow she'd be the one to blame. She put up with so much regarding Kayla, Tom's whims, etc and you could tell she was kinda afraid to speak up sometimes. How Tom got away with having the audacity to get bitchy with Lynette regarding Kayla's departure, as if it were somehow Lynette's fault, is beyond me.

It got to where I was surprised she wasn't accused of trying to control the air she breathed when she took in oxygen.
What bugged me about Tom is he benefited from the very trait of Lynette's that he complained about. He could never have chased his flights of fancy like he did without someone who was willing and able to take charge and catch him if he should fall. She was his 'rock' who could run the show at home so he wouldn't have to worry about his responsibilities if he wanted to go for his and when she did the icky stuff he'd rather avoid so he could be the good cop with the kids.
Lynette being a control freak was all fine and good with Tom when it allowed him to pursue what he wanted to or benefited him. But God forbid Lynette got a whim for herself that didn't match Tom's. Then it was she was all sorts of wrong and the castrating bitch.

I thought the same thing. It seemed every opinion she had would get her the 'control freak' label.

Seriously!

It annoyed me as a mother when kayla set lynette up for abuse and has her actually arrested and when she got sent away to live with her grandparents tom had the cheeky to say something to lynette like " im going to visit my daughter who live FOUR AND A HALF HOURS AWAY"
Wtf lynette nearly lost her own kids, after trying hard with kayla, all the crap that kid pulled and tom still bles lynette? What a d.ck

I did like Tom when he got teary eyed at the opening of Scavo's when he acknowledged Lynette as his partner that he couldn't have done it without. Almost made me forget the bs with the fake scolding regarding Austin's firing so Tom could be the man. Unfortunately he had to pull that tee shirt crap the next episode I believe so he could be the man.
It was also pretty cool how he had Lynette's back when PTA mom was expecting stuff from Lynette she couldn't do (even though it really was Lynette's own fault for not being up front and accepting responsibilities she shouldn't have in the first place).

I freaking hate Tom!!!
I have had this same thought over and over when I was watching the scenes where he keeps demanding sh*t that make everyone's life hardbut to be honest I love Tom as well coz he is so funnyimagine if Lynette had the perfect husband then it would be so boringI guess sometimes they make Tom out like a villain to help show Lynette's strengths (and weaknesses)Tom have had his moments thoughand when those moments occur they are like the perfect couple and I prefer them over the other couples
Do you even go to this school?
No.. I just have a lot of feelings..
Ok go home

Think about it Lynnette is disorganized, and with all those kids, plus the big one she married, yeah, she should be a control freak. She is not OCD like Bri, nor a manipulator like Tom. so she is entitled to any control she feels necessary to freakin' take.

And then when a family vacation is planned in a later season Lynette schedules a doable trip similar to what Tom wanted before (admittedly on a lower key scale a few weeks rather than a year) and he pulls a Hawaii trip out of the blue after he knew she already planned the other one. Yet she's the one called control freak when it was agreed she'd take care of the vacation plans. How was Tom not one for changing it up?
I just became beyond tired of Tom playing he was the victim of big bad Lynette. He simply made out too well. I never saw someone who was supposedly so hen pecked and emasculated by his wife get his way so often. I never saw someone who was supposedly such a bullying shrew cater to her husband's whims so often. It was like the messages repeated (how we were supposed to see the characters) didn't match the events in the plot of the show.

Lol. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad that they are grown up But as younger kids no way! Lol. Tom would probably be the only one I wouldn't wanna bunk with If I heard anything that sounded remotely like a mid life crisis I would Wanna punch him lol