Barbara's physical attack on her mother was reprehensible. She should have controlled herself, and if she just couldn't control herself, she ought to have left the dining-room. But to be honest, Violet was egging her on, and just about daring her to do it. As Violet herself said later, "I was spoiling for a fight, and you gave it to me."
Violet and her mother had a love-hate relationship, they were both confrontational, and it was how they related to each other. That's the way that some people are.

Would you treat your daughter like Violet does?

Where do you think Barbara learnt it?
~.~
There were three of us in this marriage
http://www.imdb.com/list/ze4EduNaQ-s/

My father's a drunk, who constantly mocks me and my mom. We've gone at it many times (physically) over the years when he goes beyond the limit. So the Barbara-Violet showdown hits very close to home. Worst of all, my dad just knows where to prick (just like Violet) so it hurts the most and makes me lose the control. I believe anyone who has lived with an alcoholic or an addict knows how hard it is, and can relate to this movie, especially if they addict in question is as mouthy as Violet.
One day in the year of the fox came a time remembered well

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sometimes i feel like it. i have found that as my mother has gotten older she has become unbearable. she wasn't always like that. she was very cool and down to earth. but as she has gotten older she has taken on a very bitter view and perspective on life and people in general. she has actually turned into my grandfather (her father!) and what i remember of him (even though I loved hi dearly) is that he was quite a bitter and a downer of a person. I remember him getting drunk and talking weird stuff to my and my cousin when were were like 14 or 15. He was saying stuff like if he ever came across our great grandfather on the street he would tear his throat out of his neck with his teeth.
Its all long past and long ago and may he rest in peace. But he was a very bitter. Even though he was nice to his grand kids. What doesn't add up is that, I know my grand father had a hard life because of all the thing that happened to him in WWI and WWII and maybe his bitterness could be understood. But my mother was a 60s child. It does not seem that she had the same hard life as him. It almost seems that she inherited the genes but not the bagage. Who knows. I am just hoping I don't turn into her.
Can this really be the end..to be stuck inside of mobile
with the Memphis blues again.

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My mother behaves quite a bit like Violet. Although she has no outside addiction, such as drugs, she did have an addiction to herself. Im convinced my mother, although not professionally diagnosed, has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). I finally did some research (I love the internet!) and came to the NPD conclusion. She has always turned everything around to be about her.
Part of being a narcissist is manipulating those around you to react in a particular way, which is one of the things Violet did. My mother has done this to me almost my entire life. She would say certain things to me to push my buttons knowing that I would react defensively and then she would sit back and smile to herself. After doing research and diagnosing her on my own, I was able to recognize when she was doing this and other manipulative tactics. When I stopped reacting the way she wanted me to,
she
started going off the deep. She knows I have her figured out and she doesnt like it. Narcissists never want anyone to figure out what they are.
This is the long way of saying that I understand Barbara completely.

It was the only way to deal with her, and even then, the mother always found a way to get the upper hand. She was devouring everything in her path, so eventually the only decision was to leave or end up just like her.
The mother probably became that way after dealing with her OWN mother, in fact. She had to be mean so the other meanness wouldn't hurt as much. Didn't seem to work so well though, because she still needed her pills.
Little girls shouldn't look for four leaf clovers!

No. I don't want to generalize, but I come from a culture where you can't talk to your parents any way you want. Even if you don't "like" your mother, you still have to honor the position and title she has.

For years I resented my parents for the way I was raised. I did not know I had choices. Finally one day, at age 45, I just walked away. Years later I am still estranged and still have peace in my life. Just walk away, people. It's not worth the stress it brings not to.

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When Vi was telling the story about the Christmas boots I started to rock myself in my seat and I wasn't aware I was doing it until my own daughter asked if I was alright. The reason, I have a very similar story. My mother could be the woman this movie was written about-minus the drugs. My father was an alcoholic though. My mothers issue, rather than drugs, were mental health problems. She physically and mentally dominated and abused me for most of my life. I finally let her have it (verbally) last year and haven't spoken to her since. So, YES, finally I treated my mother equally as bad as she was treating me for most of my life.

The yelling; yeah, the swearing; some but not so much but if I ever broke a dish by accident let alone the wholesale destruction of crockery depicted I might as well resign myself to being an orphan.

^right, by trying to turn the attention to herself. but it back fired because Violet knew EVERYTHING.
Swing away, Merrill.Merrill, swing away

I got the impression that Barb was flipping out but was also trying to say stuff so Ivy wouldn't say that her and Little Charles were involved (so they could go to NY without knowing they were brother and sister). Barb was also tired of the machinations of her mother.

My mother WAS unbearable and I wanted to very much, but I could never swear at her like that. We did some yelling, loads of it, and faded in and out of each other's lives, but we didn't swear like that.

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I can see my mom and her sister reacting that way to my grandmother. She is Violet to a T, so much that after my mom and I saw this movie we called my aunt to tell her the uncanniness of it all.

Well Barbara's daughter was a total beep

If I did I would be ashamed of myself but I can see it happening.
Vi was a reprehensible mother and I think, that sometime the mantle of the mother daughter relationship get thrown away and all you have is 2 women who are bitter and destructive. You can see how Barb might be a copy of her mother later on( as with her daughter) When they got into it they were not mother-daughter- they were to women fighting for control
loved your "swing away, swing away " reference

I'd beat the shyt out of her while trying to pull those pills from her claws. So, yes.
That's what she need, a few good slaps across the face to make her shut the fck up. She acted that way because she knew no one would stand up to her. I'm glad Barbara knocked her on her ass and told her to eat the fcking fish, bitch.
Swing away, Merrill.Merrill, swing away

My mother, no, (she's honestly the most perfect, sweetest, kindest woman I've ever met in my entire life), but my father, yes. I saw a lot of similarities between my dad's side of the family in this movie; Violet even reminded me of an amplified version of my Aunt Karen (coincidentally named.) I've told my father that I hate him, he's abusive, miserable, and wants to make everyone around him miserablethe only thing I've refrained from was telling him that I can't wait for the day he dies. Of course, it took forever for me to let this all out after bottling it up for twenty years and being afraid to even speak against him. I can't imagine being so casually abrasive to him, like Barbara did, though. Maybe in dire circumstances, but I'm not a mean spirited person and I can't even imagine just indifferently spewing hate like they did (specifically Violet and Mattie Fae.)

Absolutely. I would go as far as to say Barbara may have been too nice at times and too forgiving. I would likely never love a mother/family member who acted like that.