I think it's a blow-up doll, but I'm going to humour him. He's a little distraught.

Does he actually have a wife or is she made up? She sounds made up.

Nonsense, retard! What a faggoty thing to say….

Calm down, you're going to hurt yourself.
The Lion does not give a fuck. Bring. More. Sheep.

Much! You're such a nice ******! Such a pleasure dealing with a retard like you!

There ya go! Feel better?
The Lion does not give a fuck. Bring. More. Sheep.

Thank you, retard. Good suggestion, ******.

So the flowers didn't do the trick, huh? Maybe he's just not into you anymore. I'm sure you feel awful now, but things will get better. Throw yourself into your work, call a few extra people retards and ******* for your students. That should help.
The Lion does not give a fuck. Bring. More. Sheep.

Now you're using my lines. Where are those pics of you and your wife (!!!!) in the theater, watching superhero movies? Are you embarrassed because you were in costume? Or does she have a moustache?

Replying to yourself. Are you drunk? That won't make your problems go away. Try sending flowers to your absent husband, and throw yourself on his mercy.
The Lion does not give a fuck. Bring. More. Sheep.

Bad behaviour? So you agree?

Get that salve on, old man! You're burning up.

That must make going in for a drop off at the toilet quite an experience.
The Lion does not give a fuck. Bring. More. Sheep.

If we take the time to see with the heart and not with the mind, we shall see that we are surrounded completely by angels ~ Carlos Santana

Tell me, which do you enjoy the most, hiding behind skirts or wearing them?
The Lion does not give a fuck. Bring. More. Sheep.

He seems to get really mad when you intervene. What is your secret?

Not into anything to do with butts
If we take the time to see with the heart and not with the mind, we shall see that we are surrounded completely by angels ~ Carlos Santana

Let him borrow your industrial strength butt plug. That should curtail the bleeding, some.
The Lion does not give a fuck. Bring. More. Sheep.

Let him borrow your salve
If we take the time to see with the heart and not with the mind, we shall see that we are surrounded completely by angels ~ Carlos Santana

You're just mad. It's a normal reaction among the small folk when called out on their bad behavior.
A walk may help alleviate some of the pain you're feeling in your posterior. If not, try some nice salv to soothe the burning sensation. If it continues, consult your doctor. You may have contracted a nasty STD.
The Lion does not give a fuck. Bring. More. Sheep.