dbentley666 — 4 years ago(February 15, 2022 04:39 PM)

Just reading Fun Guy from Yuggoth (who the devil is this dude??? Seems to know a lot about TWD) commenting to Bee that he/she couldn’t summon up the vitriol for a serious flame war; that got me thinking about board battles and board warriors. So here’s my list (with a bow to Dr. Reginald Jefferson, who, when he was good was very, very good), with scores and comments.
Bentley
: The very best (might as well get this out of the way). I am sincerely in awe of this guy. Witty, ferocious, can keep going, never seems to lose his calm or his mojo. Never ever go up against him, unless you actually want to be humiliated and spend your nights tossing and turning, filled with regret at unarticulated comebacks. Score: a perfect 10.
Stinky Pete
: One of the greatest. Incredibly funny dude, very fast, and excellent at mobilizing boardwide support. Also a decent guy, deep down, and loved by some of the sexiest gals. Score: 9
Klam
: Possibly the greatest of female posters, and a great warrior. Somewhat uneven (I attribute this to a typical female desire to be liked by at least some members of your audience; in her case, she was too male-identified to win universal approbation). Vicious, witty, psychologically astute, and making good use of her looks and vampish persona. Score 8
Bee
: usually much too nice to even be considered as a warrior, but occasionally (against that crazy lady who used to come onto the board and be banned by nimda-what was her name?) demonstrated extraordinary ferocity. Score 6, but could rise to an 8 when sufficiently provoked.
Horatio
. Not usually a warrior at all (a great poster, which is a different thing) but could be devastating in a subtle way (his victims sometimes realized days later that they had been pwned). He simply didn’t like fighting, which is why he was so liked by Bee, Penny, and other benevolent posters. Score 6
MoB.
Another great, almost as effective as Klam, but too passionate to be really effective. Nobody could flare out like her for about twenty consecutive posts, but I suspect she ran out of energy and was forced to rape a stuffed teddy bear, just to ease her fury. Score 7.5.
Bongo
. One of the greatest of warriors, although he rarely won any battles. For sheer courage and endurance he was truly unique. Score 7.5
Corwin
. Not usually seen as a warrior at all, but (like Bee) sufficiently provoked, can be lethal. Nobody is as urbane and educated, so his putdowns are often not seen in all their brilliance. Uses the rapier against club-wielding Neanderthals, who retire full of holes but thinking they have prevailed. Score 7.5
Styg
. One of the greatest warriors. Not quite up to Bentley’s and Pete’s level but very close. Ferociously articulate, witty, a savage and relentless attacker, capable of the long war as well as the guerrilla sortie. Score 8.5.
GoT posters
hungry
. This guy used to be right at the top (of the GoT hierarchy, I mean; he was never really up to the highest TWD standards). Vicious, often funny, relentless, and ferocious. Sustained drug-use, advancing age, and poverty (I suspect) have vitiated his capacities. His strengths have also been diminished by an unusual nastiness (for want of a better word). He often picks on completely unsuitable targets, and this makes even his admirers (the few that remain) uncomfortable. Score 7 (used to be an 8, largely on the basis of relentlessness and ferocity).
Vlad
. One of the GoT greats. Managed to be a great warrior without ever losing a quality of genial insouciance and sheer nonsensical fun. Hyper as hell (back in the day) and could laugh his enemies out of existence. Has deteriorated both as a warrior and as a poster (going off the drugs has, paradoxically, made him blander and less interesting). Score 7.5 (might even have been an 8.5 in the past).
Orson
. Again, one of the greats back in the day. An extraordinary master of sock wizardry, he was sometimes surprisingly bland and boring in his own voice (Klam was the first to notice this). His Reginald was superb, as were his many idiosyncratic and charming sock avatars (Asian Brad Pitt, etc). Like the other GoT trolls, he has deteriorated since the old boards vanished (they are a ferocious lot, and really thrive on an appreciative audience; the TWD posters are less performative, partly because they genuinely like each other, and didn’t always perform for the gallery). Score 7 (definitely an 8 in the past).
Snow
. One of the few GoT posters who has retained his ferocity, and occasionally, a savage wit. Not a very prolific poster, but very effective in board battles, where his capacity to do quick damage rivalled that of Styg, and that of hungry in his best days. Score 7.5.
Sophie
. An odd warrior, not very impressive at first sight either for ferocity or wit, but possessed of an extraordinary capacity to keep going, especially when she feels she is being bullied. Has scored impressive victories against hungry and Styg, but is less effective against Snow, perhaps because Sno