dbentley666 — 4 years ago(June 07, 2021 01:18 PM)

This topic has come up a few times, mostly in posts by Monicah and Sophie. I've been hearing it a lot from young female students as well: We don't dress sexily for men, but for ourselves and our (same-sex) peers.
My first response to this is that there's a certain amount of bad faith in this claim. It's not so much that these young women are lying: it's more that they underestimate the investment women have historically made in pleasing men sexually. After centuries of trying to come up to male standards, it can't be that easy to turn around and say: Okay, I'm just going to ignore the male gaze and dress for myself. And when such a claim comes from someone like Monicah it's a bit startling. Are all those posted (somewhat titillating) pics for herself, too? I get that Monicah wants to be healthily honest about her body, but she also wants to attract men, clearly.
Secondly, it's possible that it's a genuine claim. It's like brushing your teeth or washing your body. As a child you learn to do it because your parents tell you it's necessary, and as an adult you feel disgusted and uncomfortable if you
don't
do it. So you are doing it to spare people the discomfort of dealing with your smelly or unwashed presence (society's pressure) but you are also doing it because it makes you feel good about yourself (the individual ego, which has internalized society's pressures and no longer perceives it as an external constraint).
So Monicah and Sophie are partially right (it is an individual choice, and doesn't invite the male gaze) but it's also social (patriarchal values have become so widespread that they have become part of selfhood: all women in the West now want to look sexy, and even other women expect it of them).