Amazing, astounding, bewildering, breathtaking, extraordinary, impressive, marvelous, miraculous, spectacular, staggering, startling, striking, stunning, stupefying, stupendous, wonderful, wondrous, astonishing, awe-inspiring, awesome, exciting, hair-raising, heart-stirring, impressive, magnificent, moving, overwhelming, spine-tingling, stunning, thrilling, boss, curious, darb, exceptional, fab, fantastic, flash, gnarly, heavy, inconceivable, incredible, odd, outstanding, particular, peculiar, phenomenal, primo, rare, remarkable, singular, special, strange, stupendous, surprising, terrific, uncommon, unfamiliar, unheard-of, unimaginable, unique, unprecedented, unthinkable, unusual, weird, wicked, arousing.
These words quickly crossed my mind after the first 4 minutes of this ground-breaking, genre-busting feast for the senses. The way this film opened with the immensely suspenseful scene featuring the pretty blond woman and the reptilian monster, (drinking the evil elixir), immediately grabbed my attention and it didn't let go. J Neil Schulman then innovatively broke the fourth-wall at the end of this scene, with a direct appeal to his audience to have a "Blast" watching his film and also to not "FORGET" the masterpiece they are about to experience, by imploring them to concentrate and upgrade their memory no less than 3 times. This left me exhausted with excitement and anticipation. So much so, I tried to call J Neil Schulman on the phone number that he subliminally flashed up on screen, to congratulate him on such a brilliant first scene. Unfortunately he wasn't there. Unusually, the girl (who I presumed to be his secretary), then tried to sell me sexual dysfunction pills. I bought 14 bottles. The rest of the film never quite reaches the heights achieved in the blonde lady/lizard man scene, but it is still better than anything else you will see this or any other year. The casting is sublime. All the actors and actresses are obvious masters of their craft, in particular the Elvis impersonator in the buffet song featured in the end credits. I really thought he WAS Elvis. J Neil Schulman was the best actor in the film, (of course). He FILLED the screen with his presence. His performance was HUGE and FAT with subtle nuances and charisma. He gave immense WEIGHT to the character of Alistair, plus he was VORACIOUS in his CONSUMPTION of the viewer's attention. J Neil Schulman DINED OUT on the masterful script and GORGED the lines on offer. Never has an actor shown so much GUTS on screen. A masterful performance. We must also mention the superb writing in this film. An IRS agent working for the Federal Air Marshals inspects a Muslim man and gets in trouble so they send him to a brothel full of wonderful whores and a linebacker who are also actresses, plus Uhura, in Pahrump. The whores and the linebacker and Uhura often sing in casino car-parks because they like to show they are not only great actresses but also great car park singers. Back at the brothel, by an amazing coincidence, the IRS agent sees the same Muslim man from before, who then plays a violin and kills one of the whores (but unfortunately not the linebacker) and then visits Hoover Dam to take an exciting ride down a long rope. The IRS agent then follows the Muslim man to a hospital, with Uhura and the surviving whores and the linebacker, but not before the Muslim man shoots J Neil Schulman with a ketchup bottle and speaks to Cat Stevens. Uhura then shoots the Muslim man with a small gun ( which she had kept it hidden in her pink velvet pouch) and the whores lurk around looking gorgeous whilst showing off their exquisite acting abilities and some schmoo. They then go to a buffet restaurant and take the last fried drumstick before Elvis gets to it, (because Elvis has a cholesterol problem and needs to cut back). All in all this is the greatest film I have ever seen in my entire life and it therefore is number #1 in my eyes! Accordingly, I just went and gave it a vote of 1, because its NUMBER #1!!! HOORAY for J Neil Schulman. Without him my life would be a tiny bit less full than it already is. He entertains like few men before him and I am so so happy I discovered his wonderful talents and his endless ability to entertain. J Neil Schulman is the best. I mean that in all sincerity.
Thank you for talking to me

What specifically didn’t you like? Was going to see this but your review is vague, orson.
Stop.

Yes indeedy.
Thank you for talking to me

Oh really? That bad.,.

I agree that the story of Batman has been stretched pretty thin over the past couple of decades. We've had so many of them. While I wasn't super crazy about this year's
The Batman
, I appreciated the fact that it seemed like less of a "superhero movie" and more of noir-ish murder mystery. This, I liked and thought it was well done.
In terms of "Twilight boy", I would recommend watching
Good Time
and
The Lighthouse
. Both of these films allow him to show his range.

I was blocked because You Can’t Handle the Truth!!!

You're clearly clueless.
Blocked.
Thank you for talking to me

I hated Nolan’s Batman movies. No idea what people saw in them, they seemed excessively mediocre to me. Probably won’t see this one just because we’ve been overdosed on Batman and comic book media for the past couple decades, and Twilight Boy just isn’t a very good actor.

most filmmakers would kill to get the kind of critical reception this one is getting. You are simply out of touch.
F<>k you're such an out of touch and brainwashed Moronpole! You do realize these critics have been bought off.
This was the most drawn out, lifeless, ponderous and B O R I N G piece of dreck to grace the DC world.
Norman! What did you put in my tea?

Your surrender is accepted btw
Thank you for talking to me

No one as dumb as you is ever going to be an expert in anything let alone a filmmaker who makes anything other than something you upload on YT with your iPhone.
You ok there m8?
Thank you for talking to me

That I'm a filmmaker or that I'm the main movie expert here?
No one as dumb as you is ever going to be an expert in anything let alone a filmmaker who makes anything other than something you upload on YT with your iPhone. So yeah, I dispute both claims as utter bullshit.

The only solid here is the turd I smell every time you post.
What is it that you dispute? That I'm a filmmaker or that I'm the main movie expert here?
Thank you for talking to me

I think it has been pretty solidly established that you couldn't tell what a fact is if your life depended on it.

It's a statement of fact.
Thank you for talking to me

I'm a filmmaker myself and considered the main movie expert this website has.
Okay, status as narcissistic, deranged lunatic fully established. Got it.

I'm a filmmaker myself and considered the main movie expert this website has. I was taught by J Neil Schulman himself.
I'm sorry, sugar, but this monstrosity has been panned and you need to accept this.
Thank you for talking to me

It has terrible reviews for a massive budget movie with so much anticipation and an elite cast.
I hate to break it too you, cupcake, but most filmmakers would kill to get the kind of critical reception this one is getting. You are simply out of touch.

It has terrible reviews for a massive budget movie with so much anticipation and an elite cast.
Are you going to melt down and throw Nelson Muntz style pejoratives now like you normally do?
Thank you for talking to me

It's being panned and rightly so.
On planet Earth, where I come from, it has been very favorably reviewed by a solid majority of film critics.
What planet do you come from?

There is nothing classic about this, sweetie. It's being panned and rightly so.
This is paint by numbers, cookie cutter dirge for the ignorant morons who know no better, laddie.
Thank you for talking to me

A dark superhero movie for the sake of it.
It was dark because the source material has been dark for literally decades, not just "for the sake of it". It is more faithful to the tone and mood you find in the best modern comic books and graphic novels than any other live action adaptation has ever been, and that's why, despite your hate, it is going to go down as a classic take on the character of Batman for decades to come.

nemesis said...
You're boring me now, you're overly invested in this to the point that you've lost control.
I'm happy that you prefer the inferior remake.
This is the bottom line, one is a stunningly beautiful film, shot in a wonderful landscape and the other is a poor copy that betrays the source material with a glaring omission.
Now, jog on "cupcake" this conversation is over.
Again, you are welcome to your completely uninformed, out of touch, utterly fringe minority opinion. Too bad you have to make up lies to justify yourself. What a clown.

You're boring me now, you're overly invested in this to the point that you've lost control.
I'm happy that you prefer the inferior remake.
This is the bottom line, one is a stunningly beautiful film, shot in a wonderful landscape and the other is a poor copy that betrays the source material with a glaring omission.
Now, jog on "cupcake" this conversation is over.