You don’t get out much do you?

I didn't know people made and ate popcorn outside of movie theaters and ball parks—which are not even
real
spaces but virtual constructs like fiat money or nation-states. I don't believe kernels of corn can actually "pop". The idea is absurd. That you need to possess some magic oil to create popped corn just makes it even more unbelievable.

Well I needed me a midnight snack didn’t I?

After obviously

Was this before or after the two double stack cheeseburgers and frosty shake?
Hey Diddler, Diddler….the cat and the fiddler LOL

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He'd end up with an asshole hair in his mouth…nasty.

Can I use some dog jizz instead?

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I've tried a lot of oils in my popper. So far, nothing beats coconut oil and I've read that the professionals use it. I had some recently expired avocado oil–more expensive, but not as good for popcorn.
I avoid the microwave variety. It's not nearly as healthy. Air-popped is supposed to be the healthiest, but I don't like it!
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Yes, and melt butter to pour over it

With no oil?