MovieManCin2 — 1 year ago(February 22, 2025 03:54 AM)

https://babylonbee.com/news/want-to-survive-while-flying-follow-these-9-easy-tips

1. Avoid flying Delta, United, Southwest and Alaska
   . Strangely, Spirit should be fine.
2. Log as many hours as you can on Microsoft Flight Simulator 98 before your trip.
   This will come in handy if you're needed to help fly the plane.
3. Make sure the pilot is a middle-aged retired fighter pilot named "Chuck".
   And he should have a mustache.
4. Sew together 100 hot towels to form a parachute.
   Might come in handy.
5. Bring your mom so she can put her arm over your chest like a seatbelt if the plane stops suddenly.
   This will save your life.
6. Sit between two morbidly obese passengers for cushioning.
   The tubbier, the better.
7. Poke your head into the cockpit and remind the flight crew to check if the wings are still attached.
   Follow it up with a polite
   "I just wanted to tell you good luck, we're all counting on you."
8. Travel by a Chinese rickshaw instead.
   A 98% less chance of dying in a fiery explosion.
9. Practice jumping so you can jump off the airplane floor just before the crash and avoid 100% of the impact.
   It's proven effective in elevators, so it stands to reason it'll work on a plane.
   MAGA! FAFO! Schrodinger's Cat walks into a bar, and doesn't. Dumbocraps: evil people who celebrate murder.