(Camera approaching make-shift hairstyle parlor)
"Are we on Cops again?"

"He sells reproductions! His furniture's as fake as my orgasms!"

Kirstie's over the top delivery of "The swan ate my baby!" is my personal fave. I always LOL at that scene.

"As mother says at Sunday dinner, come and get it BITCH!"

"Do you think a nice cool mint would help if I shoved your head up your ass?"

"Soylent green is PEOPLE!"
all the beauty queens puking all over:
"call an ambulance!" "call an ambulance? call a priest for Christ sake"
"she's skinny Amber, not deaf"
"who are you? who are you? oh Mary you kill me"
"the tards pants are completely off"
"I own my life to that deaf baby"
"she had a big fat ass then , she's got a big fat ass now"
"Atomic Power make me proud to be an asian/american"
"To live in a country where you can take an ugly mountain and put faces on it"
"I hate her I hate her" , "yes I know, we all do"
"oh not so hard sweetheart I heard something snap"
and on a side note, this is the supporting role that should have got an Oscar for
Amy Adams, brilliant!

"I'm quitting the pageant."
"You're WHAT???"
"I'm quitting the-"
"I heard you, I was just trying to scare you into changing your mind!"
"So, do you do any of the embalming?"
"What?! Oh my God, no! I just do the hair and make-up on the deceased."
"The next person who comes in here without a pack of Luckies dies! SHE DIES!"
"You have a super day too!"
And it's not technically a quote, but I love when Gladys introduces Amber at the pageant and just walks away from the microphone in the middle of saying her name because she couldn't care less.
I'd ask you to play House, but you'd be a weird example for our kids.

"My uncle Phil's world's largest ball of twine makes me proud to be an American. I kinda misunderstood the assignment."

"Oh, jeez, are we on Cops again?"

I'm not sure if it was mentioned, but I like the mayor's quote at the beginning.
Mayor: Oh, yeah, sure. Freda, sure. She was the oldest living Lutheran. Now she's dead as a doornail. It's the damn Shriners who won't take down the g@ddamn sign, the lazy sons of bitches. Every yearevery damn year, I tell 'em, "Take down the g@ddamn Freda sign you lazy sons of bitches."

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The Japanese couple who adopted Molly Howard!
Dad: We adopt Morry when come to America 3 years ago!
Mum: She arr american girra, our arr american princess!
SPEAK ENGRISH YOU STUPID RITTRE RETARD!!
http://imdb.com/board/10109872/board/nest/54510162

Becky: My mom got me this 9 mil for my thirteenth birthday. I'll always remember what she wrote in the card. "Jesus loves winners."
Never startle someone who eats prunes for breakfast.

"IM THE JUDGE IM THE JUDGE"
"BACK YOU CUDDLY RETARD"
"GO HANK!"
hank during the interview his expressions were priceless like when he clapped for amber LOL
"i hate her! I hate her"
"i know i know we all do"
"ya know brett just got shot"
"he did? well hunting is dangerous"
"amber you have to go home there is some kind of emergency"
"don't worry thats mom just saying bring home milk and a carton of luckys"
Hey Laser Lips Yo Momma Was A Snow Blower - Johnny 5

"Atomic power makes me, Molly Howard, proud to be Asian-American."

"here comes the judge! here comes the judge!"
"AH! get back! get back you cuddly retard!!"
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
not really a quote but when lisa says "i just fell in love with the big apple last summer when i went to visit my brother peter there. he followed his dream all the way to new york. MHM!" just the way she says it is HILARIOUS.
brittany murphey is hilarious in this movie
Do nothing, eat your chocolates, drink your wine

I love that too: "..on Cops
again
" giving you some idea of what goes on in this town! And sure enough, the Cops film crew turns up during the ill-fated parade.
Flat, drab passion meanders across the screen!

this is said a couple of times in the movie and it just cracks me up when they say it! It was said by loretta while she was getting her hair done and it was said by the retard when the brother was being interviewed in front of the hardware store.
loretta: "Oh are we on cops again??"
retard: "Harold, are we on cops again??"
Then I love it when annette is getting drove away in the ambulance after the fire and Amber says: "I'll be right behind you in the hurse" then Loretta says "Don't let that worry you Annette!"
This movie is the best, it is such a genously written black comedy!!

"Come here, Mommy wants to talk to you AND THEN KILL YOU!"
"Mom said if I quit she'd look up my dad and marry him!"
but hands down, best quote:
"I got some!!!"
and sooooo many more
"Life's hard, that's why I love sleeping. It's like temporary suicide, but you wake up refreshed."

My absolute favorite:
(When asked what'd tree she'd be)
Becky Ann Leeman:
One with good strong roots and a community like Mount Rose, a solid Christian trunk, and long, leafy branches to provide shade for handicapped kids on a hot summer day.
"Nobody'll rescue you. That's just life."

• Mitsuko Souma ; Battle Royale

"I want a big bag of little donuts."
But my favorite is still when they are showing the news broadcast after the food poisoning incident and Loretta shows up on it after getting it on with the bartender and talks directly to Annette (Amber's mom):
"I got some!!!"

the pork product commercial could be used on incoming flights to the US as introductory material.

My favorite line is when Amber's mom is being loaded into the ambulance and Amber turns to the camera and says "Oh everythings ok there just giving her a ride back. She almost flew out of the back of Loretta's pickup on the way here" and Loretta says "Thank God for bungy cords"
Just thinking about it makes me crack up.
The first and most important rule of gun-running is: never get shot with your own merchandise

"Mom said not in the head!"
"Well Moms dead so shut your fly trap!"
"I will if you shut your pie hole!!"
AHAAHAH i absolutely LOVE that part, expecially the way hank says pie hole
crack up