I've always had a hard time figuring out the difference between "first, second, third, etc. cousins" and cousins that are "once, twice, etc. removed." Makes my head hurt trying to sort it out.

My mother's aunt's fourteenth cousin's nephew was a box boy where Ralph Bellamy used to get his groceries, and yet Mr. Bellamy did not include me in his will. Are there any relatives out there who might be interested in a family reunion?

Wrong. Your mother would be his first cousin once removed. You would be his first cousin twice removed. You have to be the same generation to be first, second, third cousins, etc.