This again?
You probably aren't fit to polish Sir Kingsley's boots. As any cinaste will inform you, Sir Kingsley reserves His disdain only for the
truly
deserving. Naturally, this rule encompasses the entire animal kingdom. It's hardly His fault that you have a beep cat. Don't like it? Get a better cat, such as a jaguar.
1c84~.~
There were three of us in this marriage
http://www.imdb.com/list/ze4EduNaQ-s/

Who Cares?!

Ackstasis, you are a very good writer and story teller. I know it's been awhile since you posted this but I wanted to chime in and compliment you. I hope you are pursuing some type of writing career and you are clearly talented.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying." Andy (The Shawshank Redemption)

Again? And here's me thinking that being in
The Dictator
had tempered his ego. But, no, it only t1c84urned him into more of a dictator.
The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away.

I think you folks have seen "The Wackness" too many times.

Yesterday on my way to work SIR
Ben Kingsley punched me in the face.
Again.
He's such a evil little man.
http://memegenerator.net/instance/18375385

Shout "Thunderbirds!" and watch him run away screaming like a girl.
"Make me a baby!
Make me a star!
Leave my coffin slightly ajar!"

• Lesley Gore

This is the greatest IMDb thread I've seen in the history of history.
Yippee-ki-yay, pastel-colored resistance!
http://astrolupine.deviantart.com

It took me years of therapy but I am now able to openly talk about a childhood trauma I experienced.
As a boy of about 8 years old living in Norway, I watched Sir Ben Kingsley club two young seals to death. He then went on to skin them and make a hat from those skins.
Not the animals, I mean, but
actual
US Navy Seals.
All the way through he was singing : "Camptown ladies sing dis song, Doo-dah! doo-dah ! Camptown race-track five miles long, Oh, doo-dah day !"
It was quite upsetting.
"The elderly, they seem friendly enough, but can you really trust them ?"

Thank God! Ive spent the last three hours dragging myself to an internet-enabled computer, to warn you of the (Sir) Ben Kingsley-related ill fortune that has only just befallen me. It all started in early 1943, when Anna Lyna Mary and Rahimtulla Harji Bhanji, following a mutually ill-advised bout of alcoholism, made the decision to coalesce well, perhaps thats going too far back. Most relevant, given their temporal proximity to the incident I seek to detail, are the events that took place this very night.
At an hour not entirely dissimilar from 10:30pm, I was loping across the velvety gaming-room of Aspinalls Casino in the hopes of squandering the betting activities of my grand-uncle, a wealthy industrialist gambling addict with a particular penchant for the Roulette Wheel. As I reached the Roulette table, I was astonished to find that the wealthy visitor recklessly jettisoning his finances was not my dear great-uncle, as I had supposed, but the esteemed, celebrated, and revered actor of British cinematic folklore, Sir Ben Kingsley
.
Highly embarrassed by this inexplicable faux pas, I offered my heartfelt apologies to Sir Ben for my sudden entrance, and for the sweaty hand that I had placed so forcefully on his left shoulder. The Oscar-winning thespian said not a word in reply, communicating his utter contempt only through a distasteful raise of his eyebrow. It might have ended there, but in my hurry to withdraw I accidentally tripped on the gold-embossed rose petals that had been scattered for Sir Bens walking pleasure, and my flailing hand knocked four 100,000 chips from Sir Bens tightly-clenched fist. The chips landed on red, just as the roulette wheel creaked to a stop on the colour black.
The watching crowd waited with bated breath for Sir Bens reaction to this turn of events. But he simply waved away the loss with it is nothing; I will make it back with my next Uwe Boll movie before gently taking me by the shoulder and steering me away from the Roulette table.
I cannot get angry at you, my boy, spoke Sir Ben delicately and confidentially. For, owing to my superiority in practically all respects, artistic or otherwise, it would be like berating a dog for barking too loudly.
By now, Sir Bens firm grasp had directed me to the casinos second-floor balcony, which was strangely devoid of romantic couples or cancerous chain-smokers. I said nothing, still fearful of the actors wrath.
No, I am not going to hurt yo2000u, laughed Sir Ben, perhaps having recognised my anxious features. The God of the New Testament is, after all, a magnanimous being.
This remark caught me by surprise. Im sorry, what?
Sir Bens faced darkened somewhat. Why do you think they asked me to narrate the 2007 animated film,
The Ten Commandments?
That is a role fit only for a deity.
But the Lord was actually voiced by Elliot Gould. Does that make him more of a god than you?
I was suddenly hurled through the air, and my body clattered against the railing of the balcony. Sir Ben was livid, his eyes glinting maniacally in the moonlight.
NOBODY IS MORE OF A GOD THAN ME! he cried.
But Elliot Gould even has the word
God
hidden in his surname.
Sir Ben not content with having the word
King
in his surname was enraged by this remark, and stormed towards me. Lifting my filthy, working-class body into the air by the collar of my flannel shirt, he held me over the balcony railing, where my feet kicked ineffectually in mid-air.
Dear God, I cried. Please dont hurt me.
Sir Bens reply was cold and soulless. Dear man I do what I want.
Luckily, I landed on Hugh Grant.
The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away.

Yeah, he keeps his poison in those.
Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. - Bill Maher

His arrogance has gone beyond IMDB and movie-related sites.
I put "Ben Kingsley" into Google and the result page didn't just ask "Did you mean: Sir Ben Kingsley" but instead "You DID mean: Sir Ben Kingsley" before automatically redirecting to his personal site and setting itself as my browser's homepage.
A home page, btw, which is comprised solely of a close up picture of his hand decorated with SEVERAL gaudy, over-sized man-rings.

I'm at work and just minutes ago I entered "Ben Kingsley" in the search box at the top of the IMDB-page. First, nothing happened, then my screen started flickering and a box with some sort of live-video feed opened
It was a very angry-looking Ben Kingsley who spat "This will teach you to respect my Knighthood !". Then my screen switched to hard-core gay porn and the volume went way up.
A very awkward moment and the end of my good rep around the office.
Let this be a warning to all of you, it's SIR Ben Kingsley.
Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. - Bill Maher

"How are you gonna swallow all those?"
"Have we met?"

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I can vouch for the authenticity of that story. Being a university librarian in Adelaide, I once spent three months in that very same Iraqi training facil5b4ity. Young Sir Ben Kingsley's Nephew (yes, that was his official name) was a scared little urchin of nine years of age, and he often spent many cold, dark, dimly-lit and darkness-shrouded nights complaining of his famous uncle's unreasonably high standards. According to young Sir Ben Kingsley's Nephew, it was not an uncommon occurrence in the Kingsley household for Sir Ben to hold glamorous celebrity roasts, hosted by Dean Martin, in which the subject of the good-natured roasts was always none other than Sir Ben himself (and, indeed, this was all before he coerced the Queen, by way of a sneakily-won game of blackjack, into bestowing a knighthood upon him).

"That's Sir Ben Kingsley to you."
My word, that's exactly what he told his nephew when he overheard him saying "I don't like Uncle Bens rice" at the local supermarket.
Before the poor boy could explain the misunderstanding, SIR Ben Kingsley punched him in the gut and hit him over the head with a frying pan, rendering him unconscious. When he woke up again, he discovered he was in a Taliban training facility.
He was later killed by allied troops near Kunar and SIR Ben Kingsley did not attend the funeral.
Smiling is for the weak.

That's Sir Ben Kingsley to you, and he is the international authority on chicken kicking. He picked up the hobby when Sexy Beast was sued by the Trades Descriptions Act for false advertising.

Because Ben Kingsley kicked it clean across without provocation, that's why.
NATIONAL SARCASM SOCIETY
Like we need your support

Bahahahaha what the hell is going on.
This made me LOL.
.
..
.

acktasis -
Oh Lord, I needed that laugh tonight. Especially this line in the context of the rest, just driving the satirical stake home: " I recognised this man, of course, from his IMDb profile. "

Christ, he knows who we are now.
We're done for, ackie, done-doodely-done for.
NATIONAL SARCASM SOCIETY
Like we need your support

Sir Ben?
Last Film Seen:

• Uncivilised (1936, Charles Chauvel) (6.5/10)

This message has been deleted.