1. The Da Vinci Code
-
Archived from the IMDb Discussion Forums — Mark Kermode
Jugglingeek — 19 years ago(October 16, 2006 02:26 PM)
- The Da Vinci Code
- Pirates Of The Caribean: Dead Man's Chest
- Brief Rant About Val Kilmer
"If you put Val Kilmer in a room with lots of pine furniture, it's fair to say the pine furniture would act him off screen. It's not that he's a bad actor; it's that he's NOT an actor. There are films with Val Kilmer in them which don't completely suck, but they're the ones where Val's not in them very much" - Proof (for his Gwenith Paltrow impression)
- Ice Age 2: The Meltdown ("symptomatic of the death of narrative cinema")
I havn't been listening to them for very long, so I've never heard the Star Wars ones, or the orrigional POTC. I would love to hear his review of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre having heard his hatred of the prequal. Also didn't catch the Sex Lives Of The Potatoe Men.
I really want some douch-bag to remake The Excorsist: I think Mark would probably have a stroke - either while watching it or while reviewing it.
-
MissHoneybee — 19 years ago(November 16, 2006 01:33 PM)
i've only just started listening to the podcasts recently and definatly Revolver is his top rant! i also liked the one about "all the kings men" when heda0's talking about jude law's speech and says somthing like 'you expect a hill billy with a bango with one eye in his forehead to come out and start playing' which made me fall off my chair with laughter.
i love the way he delivers his reviews-very entertainingoh and the last kiss review i liked to-"i wanted to get up there and punch the main characters" lol.
"look! Sportacus can walk on his hands!"
"wonderfulnow go join the circus we're busy here!" -
Jugglingeek — 19 years ago(January 17, 2007 09:49 AM)
The Val Kilmer rant was durring the "Walk The Line" review I believe. They mentioned "The Doors" and Mark went off on one. He doesn't like the doors apparently. I use that line "It's not that he's a bad actor; it's that he's not an actor" all the time. Not on Kilmer whom I think to be a perfectly fine actor. A little borring though.
-
miss_john — 19 years ago(January 21, 2007 10:12 AM)
If anyone is interested find below a link to the archive of all Mark's reviews on Five Live. I don't always agree, but I always laugh!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/fivelive/entertainment/kermode_archive_a2z.shtml -
Det_McNulty — 19 years ago(February 03, 2007 12:14 PM)
Lol, I put them all on my iPod.
Anyway I love awesome rant on
Little Man
, very amusing and he's always extremely accurate when reviewing such dire examples of cinema.
"
A coward you are, Withnail. An expert on bulls you are not
" -
teh_mode — 19 years ago(February 24, 2007 08:17 AM)
1 Last Days "I know the tree is more interesting than Michael Pittbut it's a TREE!!!!"
2 Little Man "I've seen some offensive films in my time: SS Experiment, Cannibal Holocaust, I Spit On Your Grave, Cannibal Ferouxbut I STRUGGLE to thinkof something more grotesque than Little Man"
3 POTC 2 "[up until this point] We have invested in 4 hours of these characters, so what wee need is a reaction from Orlando Bloom that says 'BLIMEY!!! CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW IS KISSING MY MISSUS TO BE!!!' And they cut to Orlando Bloom, and he literally looks like somebody who's just been told that Cbeebies is off air for the moment, and you'll have to put up with someobdy building a vase, and listening to music".
4 Revolver "I can wake up tommorow morning and think I didn't make that film. But Guy Ritchie has to wake up and think I made REvolver, he'll see a poster for it and thinda0k that came out of my head"
5 The Family Stone "Why is there a chair sitting on that sofa? No that's not a sofa, that's Dermot Mulroney! Why is that woman hugging a wardrobe? No that's not a wardrobe, that is Dermot Mulroney!!!" -
Orloondo_Bland — 17 years ago(October 18, 2008 03:10 PM)
2 Little Man "I've seen some offensive films in my time: SS Experiment, Cannibal Holocaust, I Spit On Your Grave, Cannibal Ferouxbut I STRUGGLE to thinkof something more grotesque than Little Man"
HA! This is the one that stands out for me, when he said Little Man was evil and possessed by Satan, utter genius, and everybody involved should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves