If they had filmed the script
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Archived from the IMDb Discussion Forums — MASH*
dawnbaxter34 — 9 years ago(February 05, 2017 06:07 PM)
If they had filmed the script
http://www.mash4077tv.com/2010/06/unfilmed-script-father-hawkeye-knows-best-1972/ -
ExplorerDS6789 — 9 years ago(February 05, 2017 10:15 PM)
And of the four unproduced scripts floating around, this one was the best of the bunch. I don't know why they didn't make it. It's not really that silly when you compare it to "Major Fred C. Dobbs" and "I Hate a Mystery." If they could make those, why not this one?
The other unproduced scripts include The Contract (1978), A Toast to Mildred (1981) and Peace is Hell (1981), and they are TERRIBLE. -
ExplorerDS6789 — 9 years ago(February 05, 2017 10:45 PM)
Father Hawkeye Knows Best
Burns' wife has become a congressman's aide and plans to come with him to visit the 4077th. In an effort to cover up Burns' relationship with Hot Lips, Hawkeye plays a priest and pretends to marry her and Radar.
The Contract
Klinger saves Charles' life, and as a show of appreciation, Charles signs the papers that will get Klinger a Section 8. While Charles gets drunk and bemoans his actions, Klinger learns that Toledo isn't the same place he left, and has second thoughts about going home.
Toast to Mildred
Hawkeye and B.J. think something is going on between Potter and Margaret. Turns out, they're right. The two have fallen in loveBUT, it's not what you think. They're not interested in each other romantically. Yeah, the script doesn't do a very good job of explaining it, and we have a subplot about Hawkeye's dad sending him a lobster cookbook, so he tries out some recipes on knockwurst.
And, the biggest turd of all
Peace is Hell
There's a ceasefire on and the camp has become very bored. At Father Mulcahy's suggestion, Potter decides to have a softball game. Meanwhile, Margaret is being a world-class bitch. She hasn't been this bad since Season 6, she treats everybody horribly. I guess the guy writing the script didn't realize her character had mellowed out somewhat by 1981. Anyway, Margaret is the reluctant umpire of the softball game, and as you can imagine, she's the umpire from hell. You may be wondering who's on what team, well, they don't really say, nor do they focus much on the game at all. At one point, Potter hurts himself and Margaret takes him out. The two share a moment in his tent, and here's where our title comes from: Potter talks about how when the war is over, he'll be looking back on his friends from the 4077th, thinking about them, as he's done with other friends from other wars, and then he says, "I guess for an old warhorse like me, peace is hell. Ain't that a kneeslapper?"
So much potential, but it's very clear the writers of these spec scripts didn't bother to actually WATCH the show first. -
FatherMulcahyFan — 9 years ago(February 06, 2017 08:21 AM)
Thanks for the recaps.
You're right, "Father Hawkeye Knows Best" does sound like the best of the bunch.
"The Contract" sounds too much like "Operation Friendship". Except instead of waiting on Klinger hand and foot, Charles agrees to get him a Section 8.
"Toast To Mildred" seems a little unclear and I can't see Potter cheating on Mildred. But you a man being married doesn't stop Margaret from trying to sleep with him. Look at all the men she's had in the past. And it sounds like they have something going on in "Peace Is Hell" too. I think Potter used that phrase in a letter to Sidney in the AfterMASH episode "Method To His Madness".
And as far as "Peace Is Hell" goes, I don't need another Margaret is a screeching, crazy bitch episode. We've had too many of those. -
ExplorerDS6789 — 9 years ago(February 06, 2017 12:33 PM)
"The Contract" sounds too much like "Operation Friendship". Except instead of waiting on Klinger hand and foot, Charles agrees to get him a Section 8.
Must have been where they got the idea. The Contract was a good character builder for Klinger, mainly because he was the strongest character in the story. Charles just gets drunk and complains about Korea, and Hawkeye and B.J. contributed NOTHING to the story. Just endless puns. If you thought they did an overabundance of that in the series, in this script, it's all they do. They do nothing else. What a waste.
"Toast To Mildred" seems a little unclear and I can't see Potter cheating on Mildred. But you a man being married doesn't stop Margaret from trying to sleep with him. Look at all the men she's had in the past. And it sounds like they have something going on in "Peace Is Hell" too.
Potter confronts Hawkeye and B.J. on their observations and says, basically, he's fallen in love with Margaret as one human being to another, not so much romantically. Then, he talks about Mildred and says "when a man meets his mate, their's is the gift of another woman." Or something, I'm paraphrasing what he says, and then he toasts Mildred, hence our title. It makes no sense at all.
I don't need another Margaret is a screeching, crazy bitch episode.
Yes, that is exactly how she behaves in that script.