Things I learned watching Conan the Destroyer.
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merlinsbeard — 16 years ago(March 05, 2010 10:50 PM)
- When it is time for the mystery to be revealed so that they know what form their quest really must take, it is always told by a tall Chinese man with facial hair.
- Whenever Conan has to open doors of stone, he is so strong that they bend in the middle slightly, not unlike cardboard.
- When Barbarians fight, it is important to try not to hurt one another very much. They especially do not like to make contact with fists or feet when they swing or kick.
- Barbarians are committed to saving the lives of virgins whenever they can.
- Evil Queens are committed to killing virgins whenever they can.
- Whenever virgins really look at Barbarians, sweet music begins to play.
- Conan turned down her offer to rule with her at the end because he needed to find his own Queen and his own Kingdom in the faraway land of Cahl-eee-for-neee-ah.
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bryandeth316 — 15 years ago(July 17, 2010 03:15 AM)
- Dream gods awaken and become an angry, reptillian version of Andre The Giant.
- Balding thieves are turned on by Grace Jones.
- Grace Jones looking Amazons support rape aka SnuSnu ("Take him!")
- The virgin niece of a Queen will be as annoying as Miley Cyrus.
- You can free a prisoner and not have the entire village want to beat you to death.
- When everyone else is dressed up, the Barbarian can get away with wearing a loin cloth.
- The cowardly thief that stabs the already did monster gets the groovy music played for him because he's pathetic.
- Conan is the ruler of a Third World Country.
- Innocent virgins wake up screaming to Wilt Chamberlain "I need you!"
- Conan can bend solid metal bars in two pulls or less in running water while everyone else cries about someone's brother's sister's cousin which means really his own cousin.
- I really did what I could to get to 100.
- Of all the males in this movie of every species, Grace Jones is still more man than they can every be.
Am
I
Insane?
YES!!
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Shiny-NZ — 15 years ago(January 20, 2011 02:28 AM)
If you're chased into a cave by magician-monks and you can't find the exit, punch your way out through a wall.
Tell Conan you can bring back the dead and he'll totally do anything you want.
Don't ask Wilt to protect an underage girl's virginity. Duh. -
Dream_Demon — 13 years ago(February 06, 2013 08:02 PM)
- Conan is in his underwear only for three instances, but one of those instances is really long and has no excuse, another is moderately long and it's only because he didn't want to get his trousers wet, and the third is a bit short but has no excuse since he's in an important ceremony.
- Conan actually spends more time shirtless than he does pant-less.
- Between getting out of a collapsing castle and rowing out into a lake towards the shore, Conan apparently found time to get dressed without anybody else on the boat batting an eye.
- Conan and Malak either ran into the same camel Conan and Subotai ran into years earlier offscreen, or that Conan and Malak had an offscreen encounter with a camel similar to the first one.
- Thorgrim from the first movie apparently has a mustachioed, long lost twin brother found in one of Bombaata's guards named Togra, and who can last longer in a fight with Conan than his own captain.
- Queen Taramis has both mesmerizing and pyrokinetic powers, but only uses them to convince Conan to help on her quest to get Dagoth's horn.
Welcome to my Nightmare- Freddy Krueger
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crockett_john — 12 years ago(August 11, 2013 04:29 PM)
- Your brother's sister's cousin is a good source of information, but can't be trusted to know everything.
- Being a crazy village thief qualifies you to be the captain of the guard.
- Conan is in charge of approving the new hires in the kingdom.
- Bombaata only makes half-hearted attempts at killing Conan most of the time.
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Dream_Demon — 11 years ago(July 08, 2014 04:16 PM)
- Conan prefers to not wear any kind of armor for battle at any point in this movie, yet he certainly wore armor for battle in the last film.
- Apparently Queen Taramis' city is near the Mounds (and the beach next to it) from the first film. Why else would Conan and Malak assume that Taramis' guards were sent by an angry merchant?
- Apparently after the Battle of the Mounds from the first film, the Mounds underwent some catastrophe that destroyed the rocks, turning them into a rock pile circle and having the hill that Valeria's pyre was on sink down to level ground.
- Apparently, evil sorcerers who rely on magic to physically beat strong men to a pulp only know professional wrestling moves rather than actual combat arts.
- Zula is said to belong to a group of bandits who were killed off, yet their corpses are never shown and Zula doesn't seek revenge against the villagers who killed her compatriots.
Welcome to my Nightmare- Freddy Krueger