Hi all,
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Archived from the IMDb Discussion Forums — Sex, Lies, and Videotape
Marsha_CutiePie — 20 years ago(December 28, 2005 06:21 AM)
Hi all,
I watched the movie for the first time this week and i thought it was good but I really dont get James Spader's character at all.
In the movie he says he is impotent but he wasn't before - is really impotent or did he just choose to abstain from sex cause he was burned once before??
Also he says he's a cumpulsive liar - where is the evidence of this??
And finally given all his self inflicted inadequcies isn't the fact he hooks up with Andie Mcdowells character in the end a bit of a trite endingwhy did they decide to begin a relationship??
Any opinions to my queries would be greatly appreciated!!
Work is the curse of the drinking classes. -
Radiant_Rose — 20 years ago(January 04, 2006 06:57 AM)
The ending was apparently not the original one. (The same applies to other films, eg "White Palace" and "Pretty in Pink". In fact, I think they stole the "Pretty in Pink" speech and changed it slightly for "White Palace"). I didn't think Graham cared enough about Ann for it to work. Maybe it's not going to be a big romantic thing. They could be lovers, or just tactile friends who like stroking each other's arms.
Graham seems to be making a big effort to tell the truth, so why would he lie about being impotent? It is obviously psychological, because he quite clearly tells Ann that he is only impotent when there is someone else (male? female? Hobbit?) around.
We can't be totally sure that Ann does cure the impotence, at least not the first time. If she had failed to cure it, but he had given her an orgasm by other means, surely that would be enough to make her look guilty. She does not confirm or deny having beeped him.
Even if she does not cure it, at least she breaks down his psychological barrier. I think that is one reason why this film is quite like "Secretary", which I also like a lot. Not that I am saying that Spader is playing the same person in both, au contraire, but there are a lot of parallels. Even the names of the respective directors are similar!!!!!!!!!!!!! -
chelsea1440 — 20 years ago(January 05, 2006 12:05 AM)
My take on it was that he had caused so much pain to those he loved in the past, because he did not know how to love (expressing himself "nonverbally" and lying), that he had completely detached himself from everyone and everything, out of fear of causing more painhe didn't trust himself enough to love anyone, and this fear caused him to be impotent. I think he really was impotentit seems to me it'd be pretty difficult for him to have the conversations he did with all of those women he was clearly attracted to and not have had some kind of reaction if he wasn't impotent.
Anne had sort of similarly closed herself off, only she had closed herself off for the opposite reasonfor fear of being hurtso they both had what the other needed, and they understood each other.
That wasn't particuluarly articulate, nor was it exactly what I was attempting to say, but it's the general gist. I suggest watching the film againit might make more sense to you. I adore the movieevery time I watch it, I get something new from it -
Radiant_Rose — 20 years ago(January 06, 2006 05:55 AM)
I think your comment is perfectly clear, chelsea1440!
I like the ambiguity about the expressing himself non-verbally. He doesn't say that he actually hit people, so maybe he hit things instead. That can be quite alarming.
His definition of being honest seems to exclude saying, "I don't want to answer that question". Presumably, if he had hit people, he would consider it lying if he failed to mention that. And I think he is trying very hard not to lie. -
xxsaffron-1 — 20 years ago(January 12, 2006 12:43 AM)
After watching this movie, this was my take
Graham purposely chose to abstain from sex, he was not impotent. I think he set off to do this because he had problems with being honest, and consequently, he had serious problems with true intimacy. I think he had chosen not to have sex because he began to equate sex with intimacy and did not want to have sex until he was capable of experiencing both at the same time - hence, he was impotent in the emotional sense, but not the physical sense. I think his entire demeanor of being completley honest, even to the point of being abrupt and offending some people, was evidence that he'd set about completley changing himself over the past 9 years.
I think the whole point of the movie was that sex requires intimacy, which requires honesty - all things that every character struggled with in some way. -
Radiant_Rose — 20 years ago(January 13, 2006 03:39 AM)
That is a very interesting take, xxsaffron-1. May I call you Saffron?
My take is that Graham is telling the truth about being unable to get an erection in the presence of another person (interesting that he says that instead of "in the presence of a woman"). This must be psychological as he quite clearly can manage this when alone with the VCR.
I think that it is deliberately left unclear whether Ann managed to cure the impotence. I think that even if she did not, his attempts to give her an orgasm by other means would be enough to make her look guilty when John says, "Well, at least I know he didn't **** you." -
xxsaffron-1 — 20 years ago(January 15, 2006 09:32 PM)
During the scene where Ann is being interviewed by Graham, she tells him that she wants to know what she looks like having an orgasm and then asks him, "If you were in love with me, would you show me?" He says, "He can't," so she asks, "Can't or won't?" to which he answers, "Won't."
So, that's why I tend to think that they did have sex at the end and that he was never literally impotent. -
Radiant_Rose — 20 years ago(January 16, 2006 05:16 AM)
First of all, I get confused about when the camera was turned off. I saw it on TV last October and something about the soundtrack implied it was turned off AFTER they did whatever. But the previous times, it seemed he turned it off BEFORE anything much happened.
My personal view is that yes, he is telling the truth about being literally impotent in the presence of another person. However, he is also telling the truth when he says he can give Ann an orgasm. Obviously, he can be impotent and still give a woman an orgasm, lesbians manage just fine.
However, he clearly does not want the intimacy involved in physical sexual contact with Ann. Not at that stage in the conversation.
Although he does give in quite easily.
I think Cynthia is much sexier than Ann, and I think it is a pity she and Graham did not have more scenes together.
Imagine how much fun we would have missed had the script been clearer on this point! -
jefgg — 13 years ago(December 22, 2012 11:18 AM)
I have a close friend who I think is impotent. Two of his ex-girlfriends swear that he is. He sure loves to talk about sex. He talks about foreplay like it is intercourse. He brags about playing footsie with women. I get tired of hearing it so I tell him to shut up. I try to explain that he has done nothing to brag about. He got defensive once and whined "you don't understand positioning". I told him he doesn't understand positions.
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