The I hate Emily thread
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mrssutherland2013 — 9 years ago(September 21, 2016 04:54 PM)
May be "just a show", but the OP feels strongly enough to use the word "hate" about the character.
And like it or not, other people feel differently about the character for obvious reasons, whether its just a show or not. And we are here to discuss our thoughts and opinions on the show, even though it is "just a show."
If you're feeling a little resentment here, may I suggest you relocate to the "real life" board.
cArNiVaLs oF fAyGo -
Arnold25 — 9 years ago(September 21, 2016 07:35 PM)
And where did I say you couldn't discuss the show? If you like Emily, be my guest. I like her too. But you're basically criticizing someone for hating her because you don't like their reason for it, which isn't discussing the show.
You're the one acting like it's real life here, and acting like the poster is morally wrong for not liking a character who was in like 10 episodes and isn't real. People can hate a TV character for any reason they want. It says nothing about them morally. -
ppllkk — 9 years ago(September 21, 2016 09:34 PM)
Arnold25
wrote:
But you're basically criticizing someone for hating her because you don't like their reason for it, which isn't discussing the show.
This is
The I hate Emily thread
. The poster who started it describes it as
This is where we post our reasons for hating that conniving little brat.
I believe that set the tone for the ensuing discussion. That did not encourage a discussion of the show. It encouraged dumping on Emily, and some of us want to answer why people say they hate Emily.
Are you saying that a poster cannot criticize another poster because their reasons for hating Emily do not make any sense. That is the complaint; that the posters who hate Emily are not making any sense. It has nothing to do with not "liking" the reason. It has a lot to do with judging that the reason is crap.
It says nothing about them morally.
I don't agree. -
Wildstyle26 — 9 years ago(September 21, 2016 03:01 PM)
The others were all biased and hypocrites. They hated Emily because they expected their group to always stay together. None of them had ever been married, and thought
FRIENDS
was the be all and end all for everything. Now that Ross had a wife, she was asking him to do things for the relationship -not his friends.
Ross even told them that.
How bout we have things conversation when one of you gets married? You have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work. You do things. Do you always like it? No. Do you do it? Yes. because it's not all candy in the sky, drinking coffee at Central Perk everyday. It's real life. It's what grown-ups do!
That weren't grown-ups. They expected to always stick together as a group, and if a significant other came in and threatened to take someone away, or ruin their clique, then they were an enemy. Like when Rachel hears about Emily not wanting Ross to see her, and she laughs and instantly expected Ross to pick her over his wife. With her
"What are you going to tell her?"
Joey was the worst with this. However, they all finally grew up in the end. They were all getting married and starting with kids. Now they see that friends isn't always the be all and end all for everything. Families come 1st. Monica and Chandler were getting a baby and planning to move out of the city. Everyone was upset, but got over it -except Joey. Then Rachel was going to go to Paris.
Look at how hypocritical the girls are with Joey. He treats woman like crap, but his female friends don't care. Then when Erin comes along and treats Joey like he did countless other women, Phoebe and Rachel get an attitude with her and call her a tramp.
If you're gonna pretend to cut her hair, at least put some scissors in your hand!
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Arnold25 — 9 years ago(September 21, 2016 03:57 PM)
They didn't hate Emily. Joey was the only who said that. The rest immediately said they didn't, and said they just thought she was being a little unreasonable.
Everyone besides Joey was actually very mature about it. They didn't say anything or planned to say anything until Joey ran his mouth and Ross wanted to know what was going on. Then they pointed out logical reasons for thinking she was unreasonable like Emily forcing him to move and sell all of his stuff.
Joey was the only one being immature and a jerk. The rest were fine. -
Wildstyle26 — 9 years ago(September 21, 2016 04:35 PM)
Monica definitely seemed to hate Emily when she calls her awful and wants to erase her message so Ross doesn't hear it, and end up seeing her.
Then when he has the urge to call, Rachel then starts trying to talk him out of it, saying he shouldn't call her, and that it wasn't right.
So yeah. I do think everyone hated Emily. I think Phoebe saying "NO!" and Chandler being shocked, and Monica saying they didn't was a clean up. I think they did hate her, but didn't want Ross to know that, and Joey went and blurted it out. So now Ross is in a position where he knows they all don't like his wife, which isn't what he needed at the time. And they act as though Emily is evil because her trust has been broken and she wants Ross to work and try earning it back.
If you're gonna pretend to cut her hair, at least put some scissors in your hand!
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mabostic — 9 years ago(September 21, 2016 05:10 PM)
See, my problems didn't start with Emily because of everything with Rachel. I didn't like her personality to begin with, and that's just my opinion. I thought she was snobby and bossy, and I just didn't like her.
Just like I couldn't stand Joshua from the beginning. It wasn't anything he did, I just didn't like his personality. He seemed arrogant and dull, and not worth all the hype. Again, just my opinion. -
ppllkk — 9 years ago(September 21, 2016 09:09 PM)
mabostic
wrote:
I didn't like her personality to begin with, and that's just my opinion.
You are certainly entitled to your subjective opinion.
I thought she was snobby and bossy,
But I think that I have the right to ask you where she was snobby and bossy.
Earlier you wrote
But, she's still a bitch.
In what way was she a bitch.
I ask because I don't have much confidence that you actually understand why Emily was right to insist that Ross not see Rachel.
Do you think that was an example of Emily being bossy and a bitch? -
mabostic — 9 years ago(September 21, 2016 10:52 PM)
ppllkk: I can understand why Emily didn't want Ross to see Rachel. Whether I agree with it or not, I absolutely see why she felt the way she did, and told Ross he wasn't to see her anymore. In fact, as a woman, I definitely would do the same.
The things I felt she did that were bitchy were really just in her demeanor. Again, my opinion- but for example, in TOW the Invitations; her 'subtle' question of "oh so you invited Rachel then? really? I just don't think I'd be comfortable with any of my old lovers there"
That was basically just another way of saying that she didn't want Rachel to be there because it would make HER uncomfortable. It annoyed me that she instead of just saying that, she threw it on Ross, so that way if it turned out Rachel was not invited, it wouldn't be Emily's fault. That behavior seemed very conniving to me.
As for the bossiness, I thought it was very petty that she was making him not only find a brand new apartment, but all brand new furniture as well. Basically anything that Rachel ever touched, he needed to get rid of. That's just ridiculous. It'd be one thing if that used to be Ross and Rachel's home, or if that particular apartment were right next to where Rachel would be residing- I could get that. I shouldn't even go into the furniture thing. That's pretty obvious. Sorry, but I wouldn't get rid of my expensive furniture just because YOU said I had to, knowing the only reason was because, symbolically, it connected me to Rachel. However, she did that because she knew that Ross was "willing to do anything" at that particular point to make her happy, so she took advantage of that. It's not her fault that Ross gave in so easily, but she still knew that he would.
At this rate, it's almost like her saying "you know what, you actually can't hang out with your own sister anymore either, because she's friends with Rachel. Also, stay away from Joey and Chandler because they also hang out with her, and live across the hall. Oh and we can never go to the coffee house again because that's something you did a lot with Rachel".
It was just excessive. I'll add in here that Ross and Rachel were also very at fault in many different ways, but that's just my opinion on Emily, in particular. -
Wildstyle26 — 9 years ago(September 22, 2016 05:17 AM)
But you have to keep in mind what Emily had been through. And it hasn't been too long since all of it.
I think she would have calmed down and been fine with Ross seeing Rachel again eventually once they'd moved in together and been married longer. Her trust had been shaken. So Ross had to earn it back to prove she wasn't wasting her time with the marriage, or that Ross would end up cheating on her with Rachel after she's moved away from her home in London.
True, it would effect Ross seeing his friends. But Emily has that same issue. All of her friends and family are in London, but she's moving to New York for Ross. And again, it may have only been temporary. Once she got more comfortable and her trust in Ross was restored, things could calm down. She could move to "I don't mind Rachel, long as you're in a group." Then finally, she may be fine with RR connecting as friends again.
But for the time being and start of their marriage, Emily needed Rachel out of the picture so she and Ross could focus w/o distraction.
So it can be seen as excessive that Emily wanted Ross to get rid of his furniture. But they can start over and buy new stuff together and make new memories. And it's not like Ross had to just give it away. He can sell it and make a good profit.
Look at how Ross acted when it came to Rachel and Mark. He was very jealous -with less reason than Emily because Rachel never dated Mark, or said his name at an inappropriate time.
In relationships, sometimes your SO is going to be uncomfortable with something, or someone. And as their lover, you don't get to dictate their feelings. Some insist "I don't care, because they shouldn't feel that way." But feelings are not always going to be able to be helped. You just feel how you feel. But if you care about your partner, you at least try to understand and hear why they feel that way and offer support / comfort. But some don't even want to do that. They have to turn it into a power and pride struggle. In the end, it is a question of who you love more -Yourself and your stuff or your SO. If it's the former, then maybe you're not with the right person that you care more about couches and chairs than their feelings -especially if you did something stupid that destroyed their trust in you.
Ross was willing to get rid of his stuff because in the end, they were nothing but inanimate objects -had they been given to him by a relative, it'd be different. He cared about Emily more than he did furniture. And as mention, sacrifice comes with relationships simply for the fact that there's someone else involved other than just you, and your actions can have an effect on your partner.
Look at Chandler x Richard. He tells Monica she CAN NOT see Richard again. Monica's instant reaction is to say that he can't tell her what to do. However, later she admits the fight was stupid because she doesn't even want to see Richard anymore. So she found Chandler and told him she wouldn't see him again if he didn't want her to. And bam, she gets her relationship back on track. Whereas others wouldn't agree to that simply because "I can't be told what to do" or "They'll think they can control me."
Sometimes you have to pick your battles.
If you're gonna pretend to cut her hair, at least put some scissors in your hand!
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ppllkk — 9 years ago(September 22, 2016 10:00 AM)
mabostic
wrote:
In fact, as a woman, I definitely would do the same.
Okay.
I have been exasperated over the years by how many people refuse to acknowledge that they would've done the same. From my point of view, it is blindingly obvious that essentially all women and all men if situation were reversed would do the same. I cannot imagine anyone letting their new spouse hang out with their ex-lover given the sort of things that happened in London.
I notice that you do not seem to accept that the marriage did not have a chance if Ross continued to hang out with Rachel.
As a woman, how do you think you would feel in your apartment waiting for your husband when you know that he may be with the woman whose name he said at the altar? I think that almost any woman or man would be a nervous wreck under those circumstances just waiting for something to happen. And it is going to happen a lot. Emily is never going to be able to relax. You can't build a marriage on that.
Also, if Ross continues to see Rachel, he will never get over her.
That behavior seemed very conniving to me.
I don't like that sort of behavior, but calling it conniving seems to me an exaggeration. I know people who would regard that as the polite way to deal with the situation.
Emily can't win. If she says that she wants new furniture because she would be more comfortable that way, she is bossy. But if she doesn't say that she doesn't want Rachel at their wedding because it would make her uncomfortable, she is conniving.
As for the bossiness, I thought it was very petty that she was making him not only find a brand new apartment,
Ross and Rachel are very close neighbors in the Village. A stone' s throw, something like that. If Ross continued to live there, he would run into Rachel on the street regularly, and Emily would run into Rachel on the street regularly.
Basically anything that Rachel ever touched, he needed to get rid of. That's just ridiculous.
We don't actually know what Emily said. We hear Ross's interpretation of what Emily said, and more dramatically, Monica's interpretation of what Emily said based on Ross's.
Let me suggest a different interpretation of the furniture thing. It seems to me very reasonable that, given what went on in London you laid that out in your first post a completely fresh start is a good idea. A home with their own furniture, that they chose together. Even if there are aesthetic differences, it is still something that they are doing together that symbolizes their union. It is part of building a life together, not just moving into someone else's apartment with all the other persons things.
I think Emily needs a positive demonstration that Ross is serious. Please remember, it turned out that Ross was not serious. He preferred seeing Rachel to being married to Emily.
At this rate, it's almost like her saying "you know what, you actually can't hang out with your own sister anymore either, because she's friends with Rachel. Also, stay away from Joey and Chandler because they also hang out with her, and live across the hall. Oh and we can never go to the coffee house again because that's something you did a lot with Rachel".
It is an unfortunate situation. Ross can't hang out in his sister's apartment because Rachel lives there. The same with Chandler and Joey. Rachel lives across the hall. The same with the coffee house because Rachel is frequently in there.
It is not that Ross can't see these people, but it has to be somewhere that Rachel is not likely to show up. Ross has to decide what is important to him; hanging out with his friends or being married to Emily.
Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh.
Genesis 2:24
Although it is not explicit, I think the idea is a man will also leave his friends and ex-lovers and form a new family with his wife.
This happens all the time when people get married. Frequently, one of the moves away from their friends. Emily has moved to 3000 miles away from her friends. They are not just a subway ride away.
Thank you for your reply. -
ppllkk — 9 years ago(September 22, 2016 10:25 AM)
mabostic
I think that we have had different experiences and likely see Ross's mental state in different ways.
I would encourage you to spend 16 minutes watching this TED talk by Helen Fisher who is a very respected researcher in the chemistry of love. You can read the transcript in less than that.
https://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_studies_the_brain_in_love?language=en
I've also come to believe that romantic love is an addiction: a perfectly wonderful addiction when it's going well, and a perfectly horrible addiction when it's going poorly.
I agree that love, and particularly unrequited love, is a form of addiction, and what is going on will make more sense if you understand that Ross is, in a very real sense, addicted to Rachel. Emily understands something like that which is why she knows she can't just trust him in relation to Rachel.
I expect that she has had an experience like that in her own life which is why she is willing to give Ross another chance. That is pure speculation.