South Asian girls in relationships with white guys?
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mwb1987 — 17 years ago(July 17, 2008 08:28 PM)
I also agree it definitely goes both ways. My family has always been completely cool with anyone I choose to date. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for many of the other white people in my life. I think it's because of people like them that my ex-girlfriend's family was very suspicious of me. For that reason (like I said earlier) I understood why they had reservations about me.
To answer an earlier question posed, I can't say beyond the shadow of a doubt that religion played no part in her family not accepting me. To my point, though, I know for a fact my skin color was a big factor in the nonacceptance. She told me many of the things her family said about me and I overheard one of them make a disparaging comment about my color.
Anyway, to summarize I hope nothing I've said has been interpreted as me trying to be negative towards South Asians. I have no ill feelings towards anyone based on ethnicity/skin color. I am just telling you my experience with one family. -
RParmly-3 — 17 years ago(November 19, 2008 07:33 PM)
Rainleaf thusly,
"thats the thing. because south asians tend to be so family-orientated, culture & religion is a massive part of your life."
You know, I respect that but it's not like Westerners don't have families, cultures or religions. And yet, my American-WASP great-grandfather wasn't cast out of the family for marrying a Cuban Catholic. Neither of my parents (American-French) were cast out for marrying outside of their nationality. Both those marriages occurred in much more conservative times than those we have now. What makes South Asian families different?
Sorry if I'm being dense here, I genuinely don't understand. OK, so it's stupid to date people just because they're different (the fetish althea mentioned), but dating people just because they're like you is just as shallow and far more common. If you find a significant other you're happy with who's like you, great. If you find one who's not, why should you be denied the chance?
"I ought to tell you something."
"Don't get sentimental now, Dad, save it for when we get out of here."
"The floor's on fire." -
vinnychase — 17 years ago(November 19, 2008 09:12 PM)
I'm Indian and it's kind of funny bc my parents wouldn't have any problem with me dating a white a girl. I guess it's because quite a few of my family members and friends have been married to white girls/guys so it's almost like they don't even see a difference with white people anymore. For blacks/asians or whatevereh maybe a little different. Most white girls I meet though who I become interested in, don't even realize I'm Indian though. I have white, slightly tanned skin and I have a slight accent that not even I can understand lol. My mom grew up in Africa and she sort of picked up the "south african" accent so it sort of rubbed off on me. And she also lived in Canada for a long time so I pronounce certain words in the Canadian way haha.
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anghmho — 13 years ago(September 24, 2012 11:21 AM)
My father was Irish and Protestant. When his half-brother, my favorite uncle, married a Catholic, the family was scandalized. Everybody except my father, that is. Yeah, they were that kind of Irish.
When I met the woman in question, I realized why my uncle had married her. She was wonderfulkind and gracious and smartand she was a looker, too. And they had a couple of great kids. When my father died, guess which of my relatives offered the most comfort? My uncle did all right. -
ps90 — 13 years ago(February 14, 2013 08:46 AM)
you poor thing.I'm so sorry. That must be awful. I am an indian girl and I'm not allowed to date an American boy either. But just so you know.please don't feel badb/c even within the indian community, indian parents act this way. I want to be a teacher and help kids who have disabilities and that is a career that is looked down upon in my society. Everyone is a doctor pretty much. And my byf chose to listen to his parents and dumped me a few days ago right before valentine'she was a family friend too for the past 20 years. his parents were always so nice to us.until he said he liked me.then they refused to let us be together and now cut contact with my parents.
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lysergic-acid — 11 years ago(January 17, 2015 10:56 AM)
Call it what it is: plain old racism.
I know that the effect of reverse discrimination (that is, discrimination perpetrated by a minority on the dominant social group) isn't quite the same as that of discrimination in the other direction, but it's still inexcusable.
I happen to be Taiwanese, and I was in a similar situation with a German American girl I briefly dated in high school. She'd initially told her parents that I was just tutoring her in math, and while they weren't especially friendly, her parents were at least courteous towards me, and our brief encounters were perfectly amicable.
But, apparently, when it was discovered that we were dating, the mother became physically ill at the thought and demanded that her daughter stop seeing me. In my case, she too decided to follow their wishes, which I don't hold against her as they were extremely strict parents, and she got in a lot of trouble over the whole thing. (Plus, she was going out of state for college in a month.)
But I have no respect for her mother's prejudice against other races. Even if that sort of prejudice remains hidden from view most of the time, it still has a very damaging effect on our society and culture in subtle but pervasive ways. -
Kaskinen — 10 years ago(May 17, 2015 03:22 PM)
am a white American guy who was in a relationship with a girl of East Indian descent (she is American but parents came here from India).
Why do North Americans always call Indians "East Indian"? East Indians are people from the eastern part of India, not the country of India in general. Native Americans and people from the Caribbean aren't Indian so it's okay to call people from India "Indian" as they are actually Indian. -
aquarianbrass — 9 years ago(October 05, 2016 11:30 AM)
The Caribbean is known as the West Indies and Native Americans are known as American Indians. Get over it. Names change and are applied generally at times. Europe wasn't always known as Europe and Africa used to only refer North Africa. America was named after a dude. All names are authentic. The act of naming and the acceptance of that name makes that name authentic.
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irisandra — 17 years ago(August 04, 2008 07:11 AM)
Well, I'm the opposite. I am a white girl (Austalian but of Italian descent) married to an Indian guy.
It may be different here in Australia but inter-racial relationships among the Indian community here are not so frowned upon. nearly everyone in my husband's family (and actually, in the community) has married outside the culture.
I think my Nonna (grandmother) was probably the most disappointed - and that was because she wanted me to marry a(ny) nice Northern Italian boy! -
trueangel_15 — 17 years ago(August 26, 2008 12:58 PM)
i live in canada and even though its all multicultural most ppl tend to stick to thier own race, specially in the South Asian community. you will rarley see a white/brown coupple.
i think that for south asian guys there is not much pressure, but for a girl there is a whole lot of it.
my parents have kept on telling me ever since the day i turned 14 that i WILL marry a south asian guy, and if they dont find one here, they'll go out of the country and find 1. they dont care about love, they care about how ppl within the community percive them.
Lt. James Gordon: Well, maybe Batman will save you. -
rainleaf — 17 years ago(September 24, 2008 09:58 PM)
btw, valid point but Asian exoticism is a completely different debate however - here we're talking about South Asian girls and the obstacles they face by dating/marrying men outside of their race (we're just focusing on white guys for the sake of relevance to this movie). On the other hand, East Asian girl / white guy is a pairing that is more widely accepted. South Asian culture, as you've seen in this movie, tends to be stricter in terms of interracial relationships (for girls anyway), and arranged marriages are far more common.
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rainleaf — 17 years ago(September 24, 2008 10:02 PM)
trueangel_15 - Yeah, I come from a community just like yours and I know exactly what you mean. It's very hard to find interracial couples, and if there are any, they're faced with much scrutiny. Sometimes, despite the differences in race/ethnicity, the pairing is perfect but pressure from the community makes it hard for a lot of couples to stay together. Although I don't entirely disagree with the close-knitted culture that we have, it really underplays the need for love in a relationship like marriage. Love doesn't necessarily have to follow automatically just because you've been paired together. It can, but sometimes you don't really have a choice do you =/ Sorry for the pessimistic rant haha.
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squishie28 — 17 years ago(November 03, 2008 10:05 PM)
I'm a 17 year old Australian-born Indian girl, and the 4 guys I've been involved with have all been caucasian, but that was just coincidence. The last guy I dated, our relationship lasted for a year and it was pretty serious so my parents knew, and they weren't impressed that I was dating ANY guy, it wouldn't have made a difference whether he was Caucasian or Asian or Indian. Then again, my family isn't very into the whole 'community image' thing; I know one of my friends has to marry an Indian guy. Incidentally, I was chatted up by some guy of Indian/African descent in a shopping centre and when I informed him I had a boyfriend, he asked what nationality he was, and gave me the dirtiest look accompanied by "Oh, so you're one of THOSE girls" when I said he was Caucasian. Then again, he was a total creep (22 years old and macking on a 16 yr old!) so I guess he was just an idiot.
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rainleaf — 17 years ago(November 20, 2008 07:54 PM)
It's sad when people assume you're the kind of girl who would never date within her race SIMPLY because you're dating a white guy. Before I started going out with my boyfriend (he's caucasian too) I had a crush on a bunch of brown guys at the time, but since my boyfriend was the first to approach me the relationship just started naturally. I would never ever mind dating a South Asian guy, but some of the ones I've met are so pretentious about the fact that brown girls who date white guys think they're too far up the pedestal. It's not true at all - yes, some girls are like that, but it doesn't necessarily mean that all of us are after "white meat". Wow, felt good to let that out. I know exactly how you feel!