Awful Message
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shorbe — 13 years ago(July 01, 2012 05:42 AM)
I know a lot of people have already written about what a great message this movie had, but I disagree entirely.
Adam Sandler's character was not some sort of deadbeat out drinking or sleeping around while his family suffered. He was a guy making sacrifices so his family could live a middle class existence and so his wife, seemingly, didn't have to work. He clearly didn't like the situation he was in (and said so several times), but this movie tried to portray him as actually having a choice that was viable. As if Adam Sandler's character didn't want to be at his kid's swimming competition. As if he wanted to endure the humiliation of those Japanese clients who thought both he and his work sucked. As if he actually liked staying up all night working for a boss who used and abused him. Show me how many middle class families (even in 2006, prior to the GFC) can afford to only have one adult working, and have that adult work a forty hour work week so he can "be a better dad". This isn't the 1950s. That's not how the world of work is these days. Yet how was he repaid? His wife ran off with the swimming coach (and I bet she cleaned Sandler's character out in the divorce and he was paying her alimony) and his kids were ungrateful little brats. If he turned into a distant, uncommunicative old man, maybe it's because he was sick of being taken for granted.
Because what's the alternative? A father who only works forty hours a week, but you live in a trailer or next to a crack house, and you have no hope of ever going to college. Good one. Adam Sandler and this movie suck. The Hollywood elite have absolutely no idea what the real world is like. The complete focus of this movie was way off. Blame the system and general culture that have got people to this point if you like, but not the poor chump just trying to keep his head above water.
Yet show me a middle class guy in his thirties or forties anywhere in movies, TVs or advertising who isn't portrayed as stupid and/or bad, even if he's working himself into the ground and making sacrifices for his family, day after day, year after year. This was just another chapter in The Vilification of the American Male: Why Your Husband/Father Sucks, Even If He Doesn't. Could anyone even imagine the reverse of this movie Why Your (Stay at Home) Wife/Mother is a Stupid, Lazy, Shrill Harpy being made? Pigs might fly.
I know some people are going to chime in and write, "Chill out dude, it's just entertainment." Well, either it is or it isn't. If you want to take it on the level of Sandler farting in the Hoff's face, then fine, I actually don't have a problem with that. I'm addressing all the people reading it on a deeper level and talking about its wonderful message. I'm calling that a big load of you know what. -
shorbe — 13 years ago(July 02, 2012 02:49 AM)
Of course that is not the point of having a family, but you missed my point entirely. Adam Sandler's character, and the millions of Americans or people from many other countries also it is based upon, don't wake up on Monday morning and think, "How can I screw my children's childhoods up?! Mwahaha!" Likewise, it's not even like that happens, but they're just so self-absorbed that they're unaware of what's happening. They are completely aware.
Millions of Americans are burning the candle at both ends just to keep their heads above water, or maybe even not doing that well. It's not a binary choice between high fives at the ball game or being a workaholic. If there must be a binary choice, it's this: slipping through the cracks or being a workaholic. If the average American employee is expendable and can be replaced at the drop of a hat either in America or abroad, if the cost of housing in safe suburbs near reasonable schools, fuel (both for automobiles and heating), college tuition, healthcare, saving for retirement and all the other trappings of even a modest middle class life require the better part of $100,000/year in many major cities in this age, you tell me how many employees are going to tell their bosses, "Sorry baby, it's Friday and it's 5pm. See you Monday at 9!" and actually have a job on Monday.
You tell me what's happened in the past two generations where it's gone from basically one member of the household working reasonable hours to both members running faster and faster just to stand still (or maybe not even doing that well). The reasons behind that are to do with much, much larger forces than a bunch of jerks who can't be bothered to turn up to their kids' swimming competitions on time.
This transcends both right and left. The right should be opposed to it because it is breaking down traditional institutions, most notably the family, and the left should be opposed to it because it is hardly empowering anyone. I'm saying that the broader culture is fundamentally broken. Yet even then there may be broader forces at play. If a whole lot of guys in Asia are willing to work 12 hour days for less money, you tell me how the average American is going to compete with that but to do likewise. Even that simply may not be enough. It may simply be that he is living through much bigger historic and economic trends.
Nah, he's just a deadbeat who doesn't want to spend time with his kids. -
Standuble — 13 years ago(December 19, 2012 12:04 PM)
I liked your argument Shorbe but I have to disagree. I missed parts of this movie but I got the very clear impression that this movie was not criticising Sandler's character as a workaholic but that he seemed to lose sight of why he was doing all this and that was for his family. He begins to shun his family and shut them out in pursuit of his own career; where the job was once a tool to give his family the middle class existence they deserved it becomes an end in itself and they were cast to the side.
He originally starts off skipping family gatherings and skipping arguments with his wife (which can often be therapeutic in the identification and reconcilation of outstanding points of tension) then he becomes cold to his children. He becomes heavily obese and neglects the promise he made to his son and later ignores his father. The movie never criticises his work ethic but his attitude to everything else. -
d_henderson1810 — 12 years ago(December 10, 2013 12:41 AM)
But spending every moment with your family won't pay the bills. Reality is that a family costs lots of money. To even have a decent lifestyle may require working many hours.
Besides, what is the wife doing? I don't see her working, and taking the pressure off him. Maybe two incomes would lighten the load. Since spending time with her and the kids is such a priority, she should work, even a few hours, so he can spend time with the kids. -
sun_scryer — 11 years ago(April 12, 2014 05:49 PM)
Besides, what is the wife doing? I don't see her working, and taking the pressure off him. Maybe two incomes would lighten the load. Since spending time with her and the kids is such a priority, she should work, even a few hours, so he can spend time with the kids.
Great point. -
eddysl12 — 13 years ago(February 10, 2013 02:40 AM)
Well, work should serve the individual / family not the individual / family work. His family should have been more understanding of his need to spend more time at work than they would have liked. He was busting his butt so that they could live comfortably. At that time he was putting in long hours for them, not for himself.
In Japan, everyone understands that the husband usually has to spend virtually all of his time at work. That is why fathers are called "Sunday Friends" by their kids. That is the only time the kids really see their fathers.
Michael ceased working to support his family and instead worked just to satisfy his own ambition. It wasn't so much what he was doing but why he was doing it. I think that is what drove his family away from him. Work is important, but it is not as important as your family or your health. -
parisel — 12 years ago(November 06, 2013 12:55 PM)
chinstrapjack,
I agree with your thoughts. I have a very close relative who is an architect, solo practice. He works all the time, sometimes at home, which means he may as well not be there at those times. Would we all like to see more of him? Of course. But choices were made a long time ago between him and his wife. They felt it more important for her to be a stay at home mother, be there all the time. And it was a sacrifice for her as well, not to be out in the world, pursuing her career. I really hate the stereotype of the lazy housewife. It's a full time job, meaning 24/7, with no bonuses, no awards.
So many kids have two working parents, and frequently both of them are either exhausted or preoccupied. There is no perfect way.
The situation was exaggerated for comedy effect, but every family has to find what works best for them
I guess it's like looking at clouds. You see one thing and I see another. Peace. -
d_henderson1810 — 10 years ago(April 23, 2015 04:44 PM)
But look who he works for.
His boss rides him hard and took credit for his idea, so getting a promotion, which didn't happen for 18 months after the deal, isn't easy.
Michael's boss was a prick. So when you are working for someone like that, you should be able to rely on your wife to at least support you, and not act like a shrew. -
novastar_6 — 10 years ago(April 25, 2015 10:09 PM)
Michael's boss was a prick. So when you are working for someone like that, you should be able to rely on your wife to at least support you, and not act like a shrew.
Or go work for someone else maybe? It's architecture, it's not like if he was flipping burgers at McDonald's that any idiot off the street could do his job, I'm just guessing since new buildings are always being constructed that there IS something of a demand for architects. -
Impenneteri — 12 years ago(September 06, 2013 11:46 AM)
Just like Jim Carrey's line on Bruce Almighty,
I'm not happy with this mediocre life
. The thing is we get to lose the important things in life and we sometimes forgot that time is the most important thing. After all, we only live once.
As much as you want to provide a good lifestlye for your family. One should never forget that you created your family because of love and that it means sacrifice as well. Adam Sandler's character have prioritized more on providing and care less for the importance of being there with your family. -
d_henderson1810 — 10 years ago(July 08, 2015 04:53 PM)
Yes, but sacrifice by BOTH parents, not just one.
The wife in this doesn't work, so she should then offer more understanding, and be less demanding to the SOLE breadwinner of the family, or else she can start working as well.
You know, back in the day, fathers were the sole breadwinners, and they were treated with reverence, since it was thought that "without them, we don't eat". Women didn't work, but kept house, but these roles were generally accepted. It was only with the feminist movement, and women working has become a new thing, and now there are more demands on both partners, and less understanding and respect for each partner's role.
