100 THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM u00c0 l'intérieur *MASSIVE SPOILERS*
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onesunday — 16 years ago(December 24, 2009 12:01 AM)
"41. France has huge numbers of police and the police do everything in 3's. When a woman calls about a possible prowler, 3 police staffers are sent to investigate. And when the police arrest a teenage rioter, it takes 3 policemen to take him to the station. In spite of so many police men and women, the French police cannot manage to protect a pregnant woman from a lone psychopathic prowler armed, at various times, only with scissors or a long sewing needle."
I hadn't noticed that. But Sarah was in the car at the time with Matthew and the baby - another instance of something in 3. The other woman was alone in the other car with her baby. -
Mr_Mirage — 16 years ago(October 02, 2009 04:19 AM)
- There are no happy endings in french gore flicks. No way baby. If you want a happy ending, go Hollywood.
This needs to be repeated.
Often.
Screaming from the tops of our lungs.
Remember when we said there'd be no future? Well, this is it.
BLANK, Reg
- There are no happy endings in french gore flicks. No way baby. If you want a happy ending, go Hollywood.
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driver-anthony — 16 years ago(October 06, 2009 08:43 PM)
lol funny indeed
but i still enjoy the violence in that movie
i find it hard to believe that most people would act as they should in a situation like that
firstly. police/cops are usually pretty stupid people, thats why they are police/cops and nothing more.. so i didnt find it hard to believe some of the stupid decisions the french cops made -
Bad_Machine — 16 years ago(October 13, 2009 03:52 AM)
- Locking yourself into a dark room and developing photos of the psychotic bitch who just tried to break into your home makes perfect sense - especially when you're alone, pregnant, and French
- If you're a North African kid arrested by French cops on suspicion of rioting, tell them you are a terrorist. They're surely bound to take you straight to the police station instead of taking you on a deadly detour of a residential neighborhood, and eventually leading you to your gory death at the hands of Morticia's evil twin handcuffed to a mutilated cop.
- If you're French, pregnant, alone, and a photographer, DO NOT have a dark room to develop old-fashioned prints. They're soooo yesterday. Get yourself a computer and a top-of-the-range digital camera instead, and tranform the now-defunct dark room into a psyco-killer proof panic room. You know it makes sense. Also make sure you buy the DVDs of Home Alone 1 to 3. Those are great for honing your home survival skills. If a child can do it, so can you. Watch them carefully and set similar traps around your home. Your urban survival depends on it. Don't bother watching Home Alone 4. It was a low-budget TV movie, and it sucked.
- Police survival training in Paris just won't cut it. French policemen urgently need a crash-course in survival tactics in a place like Afghanistan, (although Gaza would also do just fine). At the very least, south-central L.A. The 1% who will make it back will be much better cops, and will do a great job keeping France safe
- Place National Rifle Association stickers on your front door and on your windows. To make it more efficient add "I Vote Republican!" stickers next to those. Any self-respecting intruder would then know that you're just looking for a thin excuse to blow their heads off, and would stay well clear off your property. If you want to make it even more efficient buy full-sized wax replicas of George W Bush, Dick Cheney, and Gary Glitter, and spread them all around your house. They're sure to scare away even psychotic intruders. Don't put any of those into your bedroom though; it can be pretty scary to wake up in the middle of the night and come face to face with dubya on your way to the bathroom! Place a few of them in your garden too - they make perfect garden gnomes.
Just another sucky signature
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abchay — 16 years ago(October 13, 2009 09:42 AM)
- If you're ever having difficulty breathing, use a knitting needle to poke a hole in you throat. It's virtually painless. If you start to lose too much blood, cover that hole with duct tape.
- If you ever have your eyes poked out and lose all vision, look for the circuit breaker so you can turn the lights on first. Although this won't help you see better, it will eliminate your competitive advantage if you try to beat up anyone who is standing nearby (enemy or not).
- Fetuses are tough. They can survive scissor pokes, car accidents, falls, severe stress and blood loss to the mother, despite being covered by a thin layer of easily-cuttable skin.
- No matter the circumstances, don't use a gun or other conventional weaponry unless you can splatter someone's face onto someone else's face.
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dylanatthedisco — 16 years ago(October 18, 2009 10:43 PM)
56: Toasters will severely hurt you. Not the scissors to the hand, not the gun shots in the bathroom.
57. If you have a telescopic pole in your kitchen, don't question how it got there. Make a spear.
Oh, I know some day, they'll make a martyr out of me. -
p-stepien — 16 years ago(October 21, 2009 02:30 PM)
- If you are stuck in a bathroom and a homicidal maniac bitch has blocked the door handle from the outside it is optimal to use a piece of mirror to cut through the door without using any protective cloth, towel or toiet paper.
- Once you make a hole in the door and realise that it is blocked on the outside the logical option is to put your left hand through the said hole, even though using this hand forces you to wriggle your arm and wrist into unnatural positions and also blocks your vision. Using the right hand is for wimps, as you can then easily manouver your hand and to bunk you can still see what is happening on the other side. All this in a situation when you have a homicidal maniac bitch with scissors roaming around on the other side of the door.
- If you are a homicidal maniac bitch and your victim is on the other side of a locked door which can be cut open by a pregnant lady with a piece of mirror it is best to despair and hold tantrums as if this door was made out of titanium. Naturally easily making a hole in this given door with your scissors gives the homicidal maniac bitch absolutely no clue that persisting in this method will easily allow you to enter the bathroom and gut your would-be victim.
- In France if you want to steal someones baby it is best to wait until the last day of pregnancy and then gut the would-be mother with scissors. Stealing a baby after it is born in a hospital is just too cliche
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jlb1992 — 16 years ago(October 30, 2009 11:28 PM)
- Always kill the cat. No psychopathic character is complete without animal abuse.
- If someone breaks into your house, do NOT look for a formidable weapon. Instead, punch a hole into glass and, with your bare hands, use a 6-inch shard as a "weapon".
- Always stick your hands into holes, especially if a serial killer is on the other side of the hole.
- When in doubt, stick a knitting needle into your throat. That always helps.
- Do NOT, under any circumstance, practice self-preservation.
I am actually older than your Jesus. I wish I could have known him, but I missed it.
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Dragon_Eye_Morrison — 16 years ago(November 01, 2009 01:18 AM)
- Women live with lots of needles in their houses, long scissors among other blades and assorted articles.
- Said needles are always around just in case you need them.
- The human body contains around 50 galons of blood.
- Getting stabbed or shot in the head is no big deal.
- French policemen can hear gun shots inside a car, but can't hear the screams of agony of a wounded partner a couple of meters from them.
- Bandages, fixing the light and other assorted stuff is always more important than tracking the location of a serial killer.
- Even after a severe blood loss, not to mention fluids lost to an upcoming bay, you always have enough strenght to fight more, create weapons, etc etc
- French people like to save a lot on the power bill, and use next to zero light in their houses. Both on the inside and outside.
- Already covered but, again, french policemen are possibly the dumbest police force on the planet, next to the South Korean cops of "The Chaser"
''Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you."
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neokatgirl — 16 years ago(December 16, 2009 05:11 PM)
- Never, under any circumstances, should you yell for help if you're a pregnant French woman locked in a bathroom being menaced by a serial killer, even if you hear police sirens outside your door AND said policemen questioning said serial killer just down the stairs. It is a much better idea to slowly (and quietly) carve a hole in your only line of defense, a flimsy but apparently difficult to penetrate plywood door, and then flail your arm around pointlessly until the serial killer has had time to dispatch the policemen and impales your hand to the wall.
Because you know, yelling or making noise or something might alert them that something is not quite right with the creepy strange not pregnant woman answering the door of the lone, frightened pregnant woman who called the police specifically because she was threatened by such a character. - Stabbing someone through the forehead with a pair of scissors will cause them to rise as a homicidal (but electrically minded) zombie, rather actual death as one might expect.
- Never, under any circumstances, should you yell for help if you're a pregnant French woman locked in a bathroom being menaced by a serial killer, even if you hear police sirens outside your door AND said policemen questioning said serial killer just down the stairs. It is a much better idea to slowly (and quietly) carve a hole in your only line of defense, a flimsy but apparently difficult to penetrate plywood door, and then flail your arm around pointlessly until the serial killer has had time to dispatch the policemen and impales your hand to the wall.
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Janebo — 16 years ago(December 25, 2009 06:47 PM)
There's just so many gaffes in this film and everybody's already come up with most of themI'm not sure what number you're up to now but here's my #1:
This is one of the dumbest movies I've ever seen, dumb people doing really stupid things and none of it was anything but an attempt at cheap shock through gallons of fake blood and nasty little situations that made absolutely no friggin' sense whatsoever.
And that's probably the longest sentence I've ever written LoL! -
craigus17 — 16 years ago(February 14, 2010 03:51 PM)
- If you accidentally stab your own mother in the neck, despite her calling to you from the other side of a (fairly flimsy) door - make sure NEVER to attempt to stop the blood flow from her puncture wound. Its better to watch her bleed out from a safe distance. She only carried you for nine months, birthed you into the world, raised you till well into your twenties, and is nice enough to come to hospital and to check on you at home when you are about to drop a baby.
- Also, NEVER apologise or express regret at having skewered said mother in the neck. That would just be rude. I'm sure she wouldnt want to know (before she died) that you stabbing her was an accident.
- When given a clear opportunity to pick up a gun and hide in a good vantage point. Make sure you instead lie inert on your bed, bleeding and scared, letting the killer return to lick, sniff and possibly kiss you on your face. Definetly don't once think about using said gun either.
- when in the hospital and a doctor or medical practitioner asks you a question, feel free to completely ignore him, as if said question had never been asked.
- When called on to take a photograph of the antagonist, please make sure your only photo, of at least ten, is a blurry, underexposed mess. You're only a professional photographer afterall.
- Make sure to never clean, cover or dress open wounds. Especially facial, stomach or hand injuries that are bleeding. You're in a bathroom, with medical supplies, running water, and towels/dressing - how pointless would that be?
- If you are a cop who finds the owner of the house pinned to the wall by scissors. Feel free to pull them out with vigour, Im sure your medical knowledge surpasses that of any hospital professional you should have called out on arrival.
- If you find yourself stabbed in the head with scissors, but miraculously still alive. Just pull out said scissors - it's clearly a wonderful survival technique.
- Always let a psychopathic murderess who is hell-bent on stealing your unborn, calmly deliver the baby when the time comes.
- Sellotape is great alternative to suturing (self inflicted) holes in your neck.
- Desipte earlier having your eyeballls poked out and being stabbed in the armpit, you will still be able to efficiently fight off wannabe attackers, your arm will also still be completely mobile. Furthermore you will, when finally stabbed in the chest with a spear and despite your blindness, be able to find a sofa to land on so you can die in comfort.
And even after all this. I still loved this damn movie.
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menstruationeater — 16 years ago(February 24, 2010 03:47 PM)
Don't know if this is already mentioned, did'nt bother to read everything in here but
91. Babies in gestation should learn how to use their umbilical cords as seatbelts, just in case a car accident happens
"Just your friendly neighborhood Turtle-man" - Raphael -
mtoscan — 16 years ago(March 06, 2010 04:12 PM)
"46. Apparently, Scissors, Needles and various other household objects can with ease be rammed through bone, wooden doors, walls and whatever else you might want to use them on. This requires virtually no physical effort."
Ahah bestr one in this thread. These guys probably never tried to cut through bone with a knife. Hell, not a chicken bone, but through a SKULL. -
Abbie_Normal_14 — 15 years ago(November 13, 2010 11:37 PM)
Dang, I wrote out 12 things I learned after watching this movie, but y'all beat me to the punch on half of them (and came up with lots of other good ones!).
My other six
101. French nurses are dispassionate twats.
102. In France, they tell survivors of car accidents that there were no other survivors for no apparent reason.
103. French people keep bookshelves next to bathroom doors that are conveniently, exactly the right height to block the handle from turning.
104. Bathroom doors in France are sound-proofed (even when full of holes), so if you're locked inside, don't bother screaming when your boss or the cops are downstairs.
105. French women have perfect aim when swinging knitting needles and other sharp objects at jugular veins and eye sockets, especially in panic situations.
106. A lot of people wrongly believe that this movie was better than Martyrs.- my other six that were already said -
- French fetuses do really good impressions of Macaulay Culkin.
- French police officers do not receive any training in basic self defense or proper ways of subduing & cuffing murderers.
- French women can't recognize the sound of their own Mother's voice (I guess that's because their bathroom doors are sound-proofed).
- Teenagers stare quietly at slow-moving, knife-wielding murderers rather than flailing or screaming or kicking or showing any other such survival instincts.
- Similarly, when someone sprays fire in your face, it's best to hold perfectly still for several seconds instead of pulling away as quickly as possible.
- French police officers wait 10 minutes before calling for backup or an ambulance while inside a "war zone".
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SpiritedAway86 — 14 years ago(May 21, 2011 03:48 PM)
"110. Teenagers stare quietly at slow-moving, knife-wielding murderers rather than flailing or screaming or kicking or showing any other such survival instincts."
Sorry maybe my mind just isn't working now but what is #110 in reference to? What teenager? I don't remember any teenager in this movie.