This thread amuses me.
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TheAdlerian — 4 years ago(May 25, 2021 05:22 PM)
No one with a mental problem typically knows they have it, so they are innocent.
People get conditioned or "railroaded" into having mental problems. It means things in life pushed them to develop the symptoms they have.
That does not mean YOU have to put up with them but you can have compassion while staying away. -
TheAdlerian — 4 years ago(May 25, 2021 05:51 PM)
A study like that is going to be crap.
The psych theory behind Narcissistic Personality Disorder is that it's caused by LOW SELF-ESTEEM not thinking you are great.
I'm tall, and I know I'm tall, and as a result, I don't care. Being tall is good, so I am comfortable with it and don't think about it.
So, I don't have a tattoo that says "I'm tall" nor do I go around proving I'm tall. I'm just tall, everyone knows it, and so on.
There's no need to boast about being tall, when tall.
A narcissist is a "boaster" who always needs to let everyone know how superior they are.
Imagine if Superman was a real person. Would he need to keep telling people he's "super" and has "eye beams", no because it's so ****ing impressive, he doesn't need to say anything.
Meanwhile, Clark would rather not be Superman, he wants to be normal and treated normally. So, he's an example of a confident person who feels good.
If you give them a questionnaire that says "Do you think you're special" to a narcissist of course he will answer "yes". He will not admit he feels insecure because that's part of the mental sickness.
So, I'm sure that study was crap and goes against treating such a person in therapy.
Also, actually BEING AWESOME is not narcissism. If you make the best ****ing cookies in town, and everyone loves them, it's not a fake boasting claim to say, I'm a great baker! I'm the best in town!
If you have narcissistic people around you, they will call YOU a narcissist for saying you're a great baker. That's because they can't deal with you being better than them.
So, great people will be insulted and labeled by narcissists claiming to be humble. -
— 4 years ago(May 25, 2021 06:17 PM)Interesting.
I think low self-esteem and needing to be complimented for perceived greatness/beauty/achievement go together in the narcissist, as bizarre as that sounds.
There's a difference between being confident and self-assured, as you say you are and that intense obsession with self and being the best/most admired.
For example, I'm good at my job, I'm confident that I do my job well and if anyone asks me I'll tell them that, however I'll always say "I know this sounds big headed but-"
That humility is a hangover from my upbringing by the way. I'm confident in my ability but I know that I've put the hours in to become accomplished at what I do. Frankly narcissism is fairly repulsive to me, possibly because "showing off" was deemed undesirable behaviour.
The narcissist isn't necessarily the best, most beautiful, successful or whatever, they just believe that they are.
Most of us can easily identify a narcissist when we meet one and surely the narcissist is used to people calling them out on their behaviour? I wonder how it is so difficult for them to admit that character flaw.
The article, if memory serves, states that they can identify it but can't modify their behaviour. -
TheAdlerian — 4 years ago(May 25, 2021 06:39 PM)
I don't believe they can identify it.
I believe that study had loaded and inaccurate questions that feed into what they people believe about themselves.
Narcissism is a "hiding something" issue. So, you can't directly ask a person deeply hiding something if they are hiding it. They will always claim they aren't.
You can't do general studies on such people. You have to do "cases" meaning Case Studies.
The only way to understand such a person is to get to know them very well. And slowly used Socratic Questioning to see what they really think about stuff.
The hallmark of a narcissist isn't pride or a self-focus, it's putting others down who don't deserve it.
So, if I make the best cookies and the other guy doesn't, then I can say, his cookies are not good. I've tasted them, and they aren't good. Mine are better.
It's harsh but that's probably a fact.
However, if I said, his cookies are terrible because he's got a low IQ and poor morales, then I am attacking him in a self-serving manner.
Trump was like that at times. In many ways, the guy has done a lot of stuff. But if you disagree with him he would make harsh global attacks about the person. So, Trump was a mix of someone who has lots of things to be proud of but also adds too much nastiness.
If you are awesome you can say it, but you still know you're human, and aren't awesome about EVERYTHING. In my life, I'm really good at many things, but am quick to point out how lame I am at others.
Also, being overly humble is a form of narcissism, as I've said. People who are fake humble and have nothing to be proud of, will attack and accuse accomplished people.
I have known MANY women like that. They are underminers or dreamkillers typically toward men.
