Funny or Silly Lines That (Still) Make You Laugh
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happipuppi13 — 12 years ago(April 02, 2014 07:33 PM)
Steve (knock at Al's front door after Marcy throws up,Al opens it) :
"Al,I'm horny!" "What're you gonna do about it?!"
I saw this episode with my mother back
in '87,I was 18 and we both laughed at it
.
Which amazed me,because most 18 year old guys would
have been embarrased being in the same room with their mother for that.
As well as beng amazed my mother "would" find that funny.
Love rules & hate's for fools.
(MR.) happipuppi13
arf,man! -
tbx5959 — 11 years ago(April 07, 2014 09:18 PM)
On Ship Happens pt 2, where buck is doing the intro:
And now back to, Buck, King of All Dogs.
I usually hate the Buck parts, but that one always gets me.
(Pt 1 also has my favorite exchange:
Marcy: ~why do you insist on being so negative?
Al: Why did you cross the road!?!) -
happipuppi13 — 11 years ago(April 08, 2014 06:45 PM)
Bud: Hi, Mom.
Peg: Hi, Kelly.
Kelly: Hi, Mom.
Peg: Hi, Bud.
Al: Hi, Peg..And before you say "Hi" to the milkman, it's me.
Peg: I know. I have a nose.Peg: It's a good thing I did the taxes. If claiming
two children as dependents gets you $300, imagine what 23 kids is worth?!
Al: The gas chamber?Marcy: God, I hate men!
Al: I thought you were man's best friend.
Oh wait, that's a dog, not a chicken. Sorry, Marce.(Vegas episode. > Marcy: Well, now I know everything will be okay.
Because the man who sifts through my
garbage for food is going to break the bank in Las Vegas!"Al: [using a kitchen pot as a bongo drum]
Oh, man, we're broke, cha cha cha.
Everybody flat broke, cha cha cha.
Living in the gutter, cha cha cha.
Early grave, cha cha cha..Everybody shoot me!
Love rules & hate's for fools.
(MR.) happipuppi13
arf,man! -
happipuppi13 — 11 years ago(April 10, 2014 06:58 PM)
Bud: " Use you wits."
Kelly: " I am."
Bud: " No, wits, with a 'W.'"
Kelly: " Mommy, he's spelling at me again."
Peg: " I've got to go to the doctor. I want you to come with me."
Al: " I never came with you before."
Al: " I don't want you to learn anything until the show tomorrow."
Kelly: " How am I going to do that?"
Al: " Follow your mother around."
Marcy: You dispensed job information? You who thinks a W2 is a bingo number?
Jefferson: I know it's not a bingo number. It's that stuff you spray on squeaky hinges, isn't it?
BUD: Oh, finally! Some quiet. Just you and me now, Buck boy.
BUCK: Uh oh. I've seen porno films that start like this.
Love rules & hate's for fools.
(MR.) happipuppi13
arf,man! -
tbx5959 — 11 years ago(April 12, 2014 11:11 AM)
You're not getting into these pants
Why can't I get shorts, I have the legs in the family..
I'd marry a rich GreekDon't tell me (to bud) you haven't thought about being First Lady (bud turns away ashamed and embarrassed) -
happipuppi13 — 11 years ago(April 15, 2014 11:44 AM)
Lets go back to ep. #1 :
Al Bundy: Sweetie, is this your little cactus?
Peggy Bundy: Uh-huh.
Al Bundy: Any particular reason you put it where the alarm clock used to be?Peg ; You could shave your back.
Al : Hey that hair is there for a reasonkeeps you off of me at night.Little boy in the shoestore : I want a balloon,
Al : (Looking at his mom) You've already got one.Al: Let me tell you something. No woman tells Al Bundy what to do.
Customer #2: Hey, you! Get my shoes!
Al: Yes, Ma'am!Al : "I'm meeting people named Steve & Marcy?!" "Why not Steve & Edie?"
(I think that's what he said).
Love rules & hate's for fools.
(MR.) happipuppi13
arf,man! -
rhs6358 — 11 years ago(April 15, 2014 03:20 PM)
Season One, when Al shoots Steve and Marcy's dog. When Steve is asked why he's sure the dog is dead, he says something like "One, he didn't respond to any of my commands and two, his brains are in the begonias".
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BeaverHole — 11 years ago(April 26, 2014 12:12 PM)
From the nooner episode:
Al: I gotta go Peg.
Peggy: Al sing to me.
Al: GOTTA GO PEEEEGGGGGG!!!!!
From the Larry Storch episode:
Peggy calls Corporal Agon Corporal Egg Roll
Al: It's Corporal Agon YOU BLASPHEMOUS HEATHEN!
clunking car sounds coming from outside
Peggy: Is that your father and his Dodge?
Bud: No that's Larry Storch and his Dodge.
And my favorite of all time from the episode where Al can't remember the name of a song and keeps humming "hmmm hmmm himmmmmm." -
happipuppi13 — 11 years ago(April 27, 2014 02:51 PM)
Here's some favorites only from Al.
Guys may come and guys may go, but daddy's
always daddywell, at least until he jumps a freight train.I had a dream last night. A big red haired mosquito
in tight pants was hovering over me sucking money out of my wallet.Al :(Peg) I'm jealous of everyone not married to you.
I saw a star in the East. Peg, did you do laundry?
Peg, when you married me,was it
pre-meditated or a drive-by marriage?Lets go! Last one to your house gets to sit next to my wife!
If you want to have sex, the kids have to leave,
and if you want it to be good, you'll have to leave
Love rules & hate's for fools.
(MR.) happipuppi13
arf,man! -
Beeracuda — 11 years ago(July 23, 2014 05:47 PM)
Peg:
"Hi honey, did you miss me?"
Al:
"With every bullet so far"Fat Lady:
"These shoes split on the sides"
Al:
"Well ma'am, like an elevator, these shoes have a 2-ton weight limit. What say I nail the soles directly to your feet? It'll give you more traction when you're pulling the ice wagon".
Fat Lady:
"You'll be hearing from my attorney!"
Al:
"Would that be the law offices of Hagen and Dasz?"Fat Lady:
"I don't like this shade of blue"
Al:
"Ok, here's what I'll do. I'll stand you in front of a mirror, and I'll begin to strangle you. When you reach the shade of blue that's satisfactory, you yell "Moo", and I'll stop."
Fat Lady:
"How dare you say these things to my face!"
Al:
"Well I'd say them behind your back, but my car's only got a half a tank of gas!"Fat Lady:
(after being ignored in the store by Al) "Excuse me, am I invisible?"
Al:
"Possibly from Pluto"Al:
"Bud, quick - what's more important: Love or money?"
Bud:
"Well, money. I can always rent love." -
BdR76 — 11 years ago(July 30, 2014 04:13 AM)
I don't know the exact quotes but from the episode "Rain Girl" where Kelly gets to present the weather on local tv. Al, Peggy and Bud are watching Kelly on tv as she reads off the teleprompter with much difficulty. She's really struggling and reading like she's a 6 year old kid:
Peggy: "Wow, that reading tutor is really paying off."
Bud: "Why don't they just put peanut butter on her lips like they did with Mr Ed?"
Also in that episode, Kelly says something like:
Kelly: "Strom clods are headed to chick-a-go."
director off-camera: "ugh, that's Chicago!"
Kelly: "We're getting strom clods? Oh no, what are strom clods?"
One of the best episodes imho. xD