Funny or Silly Lines That (Still) Make You Laugh
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Beeracuda — 11 years ago(July 23, 2014 05:47 PM)
Peg:
"Hi honey, did you miss me?"
Al:
"With every bullet so far"Fat Lady:
"These shoes split on the sides"
Al:
"Well ma'am, like an elevator, these shoes have a 2-ton weight limit. What say I nail the soles directly to your feet? It'll give you more traction when you're pulling the ice wagon".
Fat Lady:
"You'll be hearing from my attorney!"
Al:
"Would that be the law offices of Hagen and Dasz?"Fat Lady:
"I don't like this shade of blue"
Al:
"Ok, here's what I'll do. I'll stand you in front of a mirror, and I'll begin to strangle you. When you reach the shade of blue that's satisfactory, you yell "Moo", and I'll stop."
Fat Lady:
"How dare you say these things to my face!"
Al:
"Well I'd say them behind your back, but my car's only got a half a tank of gas!"Fat Lady:
(after being ignored in the store by Al) "Excuse me, am I invisible?"
Al:
"Possibly from Pluto"Al:
"Bud, quick - what's more important: Love or money?"
Bud:
"Well, money. I can always rent love." -
BdR76 — 11 years ago(July 30, 2014 04:13 AM)
I don't know the exact quotes but from the episode "Rain Girl" where Kelly gets to present the weather on local tv. Al, Peggy and Bud are watching Kelly on tv as she reads off the teleprompter with much difficulty. She's really struggling and reading like she's a 6 year old kid:
Peggy: "Wow, that reading tutor is really paying off."
Bud: "Why don't they just put peanut butter on her lips like they did with Mr Ed?"
Also in that episode, Kelly says something like:
Kelly: "Strom clods are headed to chick-a-go."
director off-camera: "ugh, that's Chicago!"
Kelly: "We're getting strom clods? Oh no, what are strom clods?"
One of the best episodes imho. xD -
Movie_Buff_2 — 11 years ago(August 21, 2014 12:10 PM)
I have three that I can think of off the top of my head:
(i) - When Al meets "Spare Tire" Johnson, and Bubba Smith delivers his line (deadpanned beautifully) "You never crossed that goal line. I dropped you like third period french.
(ii) - When Al wanted to punish Bud, he said "You're out of the will Wait a minute, that's no punishment, You're IN the will!! HA!! You'll owe millions!!" Then later, both Al and Kelly are off screen:
Al: (yelling angrilly) D@mn you Kelly, you ate my last M & M!! You're in the will!!
Kelly: (crying, begging, pleading) No, Dad, No!!!!!
and
(iii) - The whole scene where they spoofed The Godfather, just cracks me up, even to this day!! Esp when
Al: (in character of The Godfather) - This day may never come.
Al: (back into character of Al Bundy) - But, we both know it probably will.
Al: (back into character of The Godfather) - You'll respond in true friendship. -
BeaverHole — 11 years ago(August 27, 2014 09:50 PM)
- Al's version of "The Night Before Christmas."
- Al: "The fact that I haven't put a gun in my mouth you pudding of a womanMAKES ME A WINNER!"
- Basically anything from the Larry Storch episode.
Peg: "Honey, Larry from g-spot is here."
Larry: "That's F Troop."
Al and Griff are dressed like wolves.
Al: Midnight, moon, wolves, shoes."
Griff: (holds up his claws) "If these were real I would rip you to shreds."
Peg: "Al you missed that corporal eggroll guy."
Al: "That's Corporal Agarn you blasphemous heathen!" - Al: "Peg we've been married 20 years can't we just be friends?"
- Peg: "I know what would cheer you up hunny. But I'd never leave you not in a million years."
- Spare Tire: "My best pair of socks" and then the ensuing fight in which they both hold up pictures of their mother-in-laws to scare each other.
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Willus_A — 11 years ago(August 31, 2014 03:26 AM)
Al comes homes without Christmas presents in It's a Bundyful Life. Peg and the kids are getting suspicious and Peg says "Well, he does have that just plugged the toilet grin on his face". The sheepish, guilty grin on Al's face was amazing.
"Hogs have futures, I don't."
Dr. Johnny Fever -
jonah_88 — 11 years ago(September 15, 2014 03:12 AM)
When Al builds his own room in the garage and Jefferson wants to stay
Jefferson: "It's Marcy, she wants sex all the time. I mean, having sex with your pregnant wife, it's kind of like putting gas in the tank of a car you've already wrecked."
When the Bundy's win the millionth customer prize at Foodies over Marcy
Marcy: "I was the next in line!"
Al: "Well what are you complaining about, you still are!"
When Bud and Kelly go halves in buying a car together
Kelly: "Don't touch it! I don't know where your hands have been."
Bud: "Well then you better not sit in it!"
And the whole first meeting between Bud and Griff
Bud: "Who are you?"
Griff: "Names Griff. I work here"
Bud: "That's funny. Dad never told me he hired another guy"
Griff: "And who are you?"
Bud: "Bud. Al Bundy's my father"
Griff: "That's funny. He never told me he had a son"
Bud: "A daughter?"
Griff: "Nope"
Bud: "A wife?"
Griff: "Not living"
Bud: "Four touchdowns in one game?"
Griff: "Oh hell yeah"
Whenever there is any doubt, there is no doubt. -
moonmarvin — 11 years ago(November 08, 2014 06:02 PM)
Al: So I'll be broke and living in the gutter. But Peg, will I still have you?
Peggy: Ohhhh, of course Al. You know I'd never leave you.
Al: Then I truly have nothing.
Marcy's "I am not a chicken. Why does he keep calling me a chicken?" while resembling a chicken.
In Have You Driven a Ford Lately? the whole thing with the astray and Peggy putting out her cigarette in the ashtray of which Al just proclaimed that "There has never been a cigarette in that ashtray".
Al: Peg, you gotta feel this. [Jefferson's skin]
Peggy: Well, of course it's soft, Al. He's Eduardo's pet.
Al: Well, I'm just trying to tell you that it's enchanting.
Jefferson: Gee, Al, you sure know how to make a man feel good.
Al: Well, it's easy when I'm around you.
Here's Looking At You, Kid:
Steve: Al, please. The fat and unattractive have rights, too.
Fifi: So do the beautiful. I was peeped, too.
Al: The beast! Could you show us what he saw? -
Ocean_Breeze — 10 years ago(April 09, 2015 05:24 PM)
Okay, here we go:
From "Dead Men Don't Do Aerobics", once Al finds out that Jim Jupiter was a gymnast:
Al: "Wait 'til I tell Steve. He's well-known for his masculinity."
Steve: "(singing outside on his way to the Bundys in a high, falsetto voice) For I am a wandering minstrel"
Al: "Oh, great. You're talking beer, you're talking my language."
Marcy: "You're talking beer, you're talking his belly."
Marcy: "See, I told you it was Al, Jefferson. I can understand that you think it was an orangutan, but I knew it was him when I spotted that bald spot from the freeway!"
Al: "Get your shoe lights! Shoe lights! Fire sale! (pitifully and about to cry) Oh, God!"
(While having a "dog daydream")
Al: "(sings) A dog is an animal with big, floppy earsOh, God!"
(Gilbert Gottfried's perfect imitation of Jerry Seinfeld)
Gilbert: "What is the deal with people who ride buses? Who are these people, and where do they find exact change?"
(Al was edited out of a TV commercial)
Al: "Hey, hey! What happened to my face?"
Peg: "You inherited it from your father."
(Al, after being hit by Kelly in the Dodge)
Al: "I-one-ugh!"
Kelly: "I-won-won?"
Al: "(In pain) 9-1-1!"
(Al tries to remember a song from his youth)
Al: "Hmm-hmm-hmm!"
Peg: "Trim your nosehairs, Al. When you were humming, one of the hairs looked like a squid that was going on reach out and grab the kids."
The whole 976-SHOE episode was golden, but my favorite parts were when Al was listening for the phone and Steve sits on the couch, frozen in place with his eyes open and unresponsive.
(Doorbell rings)
Al: (picking up receiver) Dr. Shoe?"
Peg: "It's the doorbell, Al."
Al: "Then get it! I'm on the phone! Dr. Shoe?"
Later on, after Marcy comes over to confront her husband:
Marcy: "You told me not to yell at you about the loan until midnight! Well, it's midnight and what am I seeing?"
(Steve is still unresponsive)
Peg: "He hasn't spoken in hours, Marcy."
(Marcy goes over to him on the couch and gets up in his face)
Marcy: "Don't you try that coma stuff with
me
, Steven!"
(She stares at him eye-to-eye and he comes out of his "coma" with a look of shame on his face)
Marcy: "You lent
this
man $50,000? That's $1,000 an IQ point. And I can't really blame Al for this. You give a gun to a chimp and the chimp shoots someone, you don't blame the chimp!"
After Steve and Marcy leave so that he can "service" her due to his stupidity
Peg: "Boy, if you had to service me every time you did something stupid, I'd be as flat as an all-beef patty!"
You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same. -
justinmarshall987 — 10 years ago(April 11, 2015 08:31 PM)
From 3.5 "A Dump of My Own"
Marcy: Let me be honest with you. Peggy, I once loaned money to a friend and that person never paid me back. I never said a word about it but I harbored a deep resentment , And it strained our relationship to the point where the very sight of that person made me sick.
Peggy: You're kidding. What a low-life. Who was it?
Marcy: It was you, Peggy. -
FreewayShark — 10 years ago(July 02, 2015 11:15 PM)
One that has me in hysterics every time is the April Fool's episode where Al is fooled into thinking Jefferson is a spy. Peg needs to go to the dentist and keeps badgering Al about swearing he'll take her and it leads to this outburst from Al
Peggy: "You swear?"
Al: "DAMN YOUR HIDE, YES I SWEAR!!!!!! NOW GO WAIT IN THE FREAKING CAR!!!!"
Roll the ugliness