my life with bpd, an extremely destructive illness
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Archived from the IMDb Discussion Forums — Health & Fitness
Bitch u guessed it — 3 years ago(July 29, 2022 12:41 AM)
borderline personality disorder is a rare mental disorder which is generally untreatable and commonly misdiagnosed; something i am currently consistently fighting.
the disorder is typified by frequent mood swings, unstable sense of self, psychosis, self harm, chronic emptiness, impulsivity, unstable self-image and friendships. bpd experience emotions far more extremely than all other individuals. therefore, borderline has the highest suicide rate out of any mental illness, due to it being the most emotionally painful mental illness, plus being unmanageable and unpredictable. 1 in 10 ppl diagnosed with bpd will take their own life.
one of the best ways i've seen bpd described is like being an emotional burn victim. in the same way a burn victim experiences pain at the slightish touch to their skin, bpd feel all emotions to painful intensity. sadness feels like death, happiness feels so euphoric u feel dead.
sometimes, i describe the disorder to people as a lot like bipolar but with a shorter time between mood swings. (not meaning that it is like a weak bipolar), bpd still contains the psychosis and many of the same symptoms, it's just that the mood swings occur more frequently. some argue bpd even experience emotions more intensely. but for example, someone with bipolar would experience mania for days or weeks at a time before their mood swings the other way, wheras bpd experience the extreme highs and lows typically within hours. someone with bpd could experience dozens of significant mood swings within 24 hours. what's more confusing, is that someone can be diagnosed both bipolar and bpd. bipolar is typically more genetic and bpd is usually caused by trauma. my sister, father and i have all been diagnosed with both. i describe the experience of co-diagnosis with bipolar and bpd as like experiencing a wave within a wave: my life is overruled with a wide, week to month-long genetic bipolar mood wave, which houses countless smaller, experience-based bpd mood waves within it.
this, among many other reasons, makes identifying, treating, and diagnosing bpd extremely difficult. uncommon to similar disorders, some bpd sufferers are often very high functioning at places like work, school and in social settings. i'm good at faking it til i make it (or crumble in a heap). few people who know someone with bpd will see the true extremes of the illness, as a large part of life consists of mask-wearing. we will also typically lump all of our emotional energy on to one person, someone referred to in the bpd community as a "favourite person".
there is also a commonly under-discussed element of narcissism with bpd, restricting many from seeking proper help or sticking to mental health plans and goals). substance abuse is also a pretty common byproduct of being diagnosed bpd, as many find numbness the only cure to the constant pain. there are currently no medications developed to properly treat bpd, and the main type of therapy used to treat the disorder (DBT therapy) is expensive and time consuming, plus extremely hard to attain in most parts of the world (there's an 18 month waiting list for DBT therapy where I live in australia).
similarly, bpd has an incredibly stigmatised public reputation mostly due to pop culture stereotypes, psychologist frustration at being unable to "cure" us, and the disorders completely incorrect name. borderline personality disorder should probably be renamed as emotional dysregulation disorder, as the biggest part of bpd is feeling emotions irregularly intensely. its current name suggests bpd is to do with a borderline, meaning "not quite real", disorder of personality. a different name would better explain to others just how extreme the illness is and simply describe what it is more clearer.
i was diagnosed adhd, bipolar, chronic depressive and anxious, before psychiatrists and myself settled that bpd was most appropriate.
some times i'm like: "if the disorder doesn't kill me, fighting against it probably will."
but then other times i'm like: "this euphoria is ****ing addictive and i am literally god, i should die before it goes away."
Finger Me -
Bitch u guessed it — 3 years ago(July 29, 2022 12:58 AM)
yes, what are the odds, right? here i can prove it. here is where i have it from:
https://rateyourmusic.com/list/psychedelicnightmare/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd/
i have 97 mental illnesses but BPD isn't one of them, honest. thank GOD!
Finger Me
