My confrontation with Sylvester Stallone
-
Archived from the IMDb Discussion Forums — Sylvester Stallone
Grenn78 — 9 years ago(January 10, 2017 03:57 AM)
Back in June of 2010, I had something of a run-in with Mr. Stallone. He was driving through my neighborhood in New Jersey- I later learned that he was scouting locations here for a project that never came to fruition. Anyway, like I usually did, I tied my dog Robert to the flagpole in my front hard before I readied myself to walk him. On that morning in June, I didn't tie Robert tight enough to the pole and he was able to scramble loose and wander into the road. As I collected my keys out of a bowl in the hallway, I heard a screech of1c84 tires and a yelp of a dog who could only be Robert. I rushed out of the front door and hurtled towards the car that had hit him- a Mustang GT that still had the driver at the wheel. The driver's side door opened and to my disbelief Sylvester Stallone stepped out with a look of shock on his face. At first he was apologetic and I explained the flagpole situation, but after pitching a comment about his driving to him, he became irritated. I politely told Mr. Stallone about it being a quiet suburban area and he should watch his speed. He was wearing purple tinted aviator sunglasses, which he removed after I made the comment, once he placed them in his shirt pocket, he began staring at me angrily.
The tension was interrupted, if not broken by Robert yelping; he was dying as he lay on his side inches away from the bumper of Stallone's GT, which caught his attention. He made his way to the front of the car and clenched his fists and threw his arms in the air in a rage before adding some abuse to go along with it- "Look! Look at what your stupid mutt has done to my car!" There was a slight dent and some scratched paint work, which I took some responsibility for, but I didn't take kindly to him hitting my dog and calling him a "mutt". I offered Mr. Stallone an apology about the damage, one that I thought he had accepted- he sighed turned to me, cocked his head, shrugged and tapped his hand on my shoulder. He slid his hand off my shoulder, laughed nervously and said "These accidents happen" to which I faintly nodded. Stallone then turned to Robert who had passed away by this point and said "Oh no sorry, boy. He probably only wanted a drink of water or something. Here, let me cool you off"- To my shock and horror, Sylvester Stallone unzipped his trousers and began to urinate on my dead dog. Mid-pee, Stallone began humming "Always look on the bright side" as he moved up and down on his toes, spraying urine all over my dog and the immediate area. Towards the end of him urinating, Stallone turned his head and looked over his shoulder as he smirked at me.
Mr. Stallone had somehow managed to get some of his urine on his hands, which he wiped down the front of my t-shirt. Stepping towards me, he shook the last few drops of urine from his penis onto my shoes before running his hands through my hair and pulling my head down towards his. After having done that, with my face in his, he screamed "It's emotional!" before proceeding to headbang and skip around with his penis still out. By this point, many passersby had stopped to witness Sylvester Stallone have a breakdown- yelling at one old lady "The fk you looking at!? I'm Sylvester motherfing Stallone!" She tried to move away from him quickly, which only provoked him- "Oh yeah! YEAH! That's what I thought, bitch!" The old lady began to walk away swiftly, but Stallone not letting her, took her down from behind. Falling flat on her face with Stallone on her back, the old lady was defenseless as he began bouncing her face off of the road and screaming "I have more money than god! And more bananas for that matter!" It was something about the word "banana" that made Stallone stop what he was doing, roll off the old lady and sit in the road in deep thought before jumping to his feat. In a trance, Stallone wandered back over to his car, got in and started the engine. Looking out of the window at me, he screamed "BANANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!" which stretched off into the distance as he sped away. And that was my encounter with Sylvester Stallone.
Batman V Superman, Quantum of Solace and World War Z are horrendous movies.