Did you know:
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Forgotten_Lore — 17 years ago(October 27, 2008 09:40 AM)
"Tobin Bell was a vocalist on We Are the World. because his intensity is so great, the other performers made him wear a Dan Akroyd mask."
"He is also a big fan of yazoo choclate milk and bought the company that produces it in late 2006"
These made me laugh my ass off
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ronin1138 — 17 years ago(October 30, 2008 06:49 AM)
When they pitched the script of Saw to Tobin, he was swayed by the moral lessons he was trying to teach society. So moved was he that he made three surprize visits to pre-schools round the country, in full costume and make up teaching kids not to mess with drugs or they will be sent to 'the Tobin Bell correctional facility for wayward children'like all the others in his documentary. Initially keen on the idea, it was only after a few million complaints that Govenor Schwarsnegger politily asked him to stop.
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ryanlennie2005 — 17 years ago(October 30, 2008 07:10 AM)
Tobin Bell considers himself a great environmentalist due to his policy of always wearing the same pair of socks 3 times before adding them to his outdoor bonfire that he sets ablaze every sunday.
Tobin Bell has never driven a car over 20 miles an hour due to his fear of being in an accident.He worries about being eaten should he be left a vegetable.
Tobin Bell ignores all his family and friends birthdays as well as major holidays such as christmas and valentines day, he does however enthusiastically celebrate groundhog day by dressing as a groundhog and knocking on the doors of those in his neighbourhood.
Tobin Bell is vehemently against animal slaughter for meat, he isn't a vegetarian however but instead eats only roadkill.
Tobin Bell stated in a recent interview he sometimes wishes he was born a woman and to a lesser extent a walrus.
When Tobin Bell is proven wrong he refuses to eat his words or swallow his pride, in fear of gaining weight.
Tobin Bell is an avid fan of Guitar Hero, no one plays with him any longer however due to how violent he gets in defeat.
Tobin Bell speaks fluent mexican yet refuses to converse with any actual mexicans due to his racial views.
Tobin Bell has a rare condition where he mentally undresses everyone he's in the same room ashis family no longer eats dinner together.
Tobin's wife hasn't slept in the same bed as him for 8 years, since he became insistent about sleeping upon a bed of nails.
Tobin Bell doesn't trust the post office, instead he sends all letters and contracts etc by carrier pigeon.
Tobin Bell only knows how to eat with chopsticks, this makes his daily morning cereal a 4 hour routine which is why he must get up at 5am every day.
The saying "to walk a mile in my shoes" is based on Tobin Bell who regularly steals peoples shoes 1ebcin the night. He then precedes to walk a mile in them..believing this makes him become them.
Since his wife stopped having sex with him 8 years ago Tobin now saves his sperm in jars, he has tried dotating them to a sperm bank but they say there is no demand for the sheer volume of sperm Tobin has in his basement.
Tobin Bell's family has been stretched to breaking point due to his insistence on all family vacations taking place in war zones or areas with epidemics. His son still hasn't forgiven him for their early 2003 vacation to South China where he caught SARS. -
Forgotten_Lore — 17 years ago(October 30, 2008 09:27 AM)
The tale behind how Tobin got his name is an interesting one. It is well known that Tobin's dad never much cared for him (as a reminder, he always wanted a black son) and so shortly after his son's birth mr Bell put his son on a pile with some old newspapers labeled To Bin. Mrs Bell came in that very second and had a hairy fit at the sentement, yet felt the name was strangely appropreite and so his name was changed from Raymond to Tobin.
The world bank knows Tobin Bell caused the credit crunch but still cannot figure out how
It is well known that Tobin is not a fan of the horror genre; as such when interviewed about the role after receiving a nomination for the 'Best Butcher' in the Fangoria awards he was asked why he went with the Saw films. Tobin expectedly claimed it was not the horror element, but instead because of what they taught him. When asked to elaborate he told the interviewer that the films taught him to love again, and in doing so helped him to sort out his failing marriage.
Despite being well known for his love of wolves and bears, it is a little known fact that Tobin Bell has been trying to crossbreed them for 13 years now to create what he described to National Geographic as 'the ultimate beast'. Sadly his enthusiastic attempts have had little to no avail.
During his student days Tobin was deemed to have a strong future as an opera singer. Unfortunately his excessive smoking, drinking and most importantly dairy intake (not including cheese products) ruined such hopes and he was forced to turn to pop music.
Tobin got so in to his role on the set of Saw that he insisted his body be permanently in the middle of the room during shoots even when he did not appear in shot. When asked about his method James Wan said described Tobin as being very dedicated. This dedication would continue in to Saw 3 where he allowed a chunk of his skull to be removed.
It is well known that Tobin has been T Total for years. What is unknown is that he takes this term literally and so drinks only cups of tea. As such his alcohol addiction has been replaced with a caffeine addiction and he finds himself getting very little sleep. This is much to the annoyance of his mother who used to be so proud when her son won The Weymouth Sleeper Award for all but three years between 1950 and 1974.
When filming for Harsh Realm in 2001 Tobin informed Chris Carter of his new idea. It would be a panel barrier that is used to cover an opening in a wall or partition going into a building or space. This hypothetical barrier could be opened to give access and closed more or less securely. He would call it a Bell End Opening. Unfortunatly the architectural community did not embrace this idea as apparantly someone else had beat him to it.
Tobin is well known for his views that 'acting is becoming'. As such Tobin likes to tell his kids about adventures that his characters have and try to pass them off as his own. Unfortunatly this usually ends up scaring them and has own multiple occassions seen them run away from home. Three of his daughters have never been seen again beyond their appearances on milk cartons but Tobin beleives he knows where they are. When asked where he answered in a single word: 'Brazil'
Tobin once famously yearned to never act again following a particularly harsh shoot in Boogeyman 2. However it has now been accepted that said declaration was actually just another example of Tobin acting. As such even his closest friends and family don't trust him.
Since not being able to sell his stock elsewhere, Tobin has opened his own sperm bank in his New York home. The business is entitled Bell End Sperm and attracts business from many middle aged women including his old college friend Ellen Burstyn. Also disturbingly his own sister Tanya Bell. When asked if she was jealous of her brother's accomplishments Tanya Bell laughed
Tobin has tried to give himself the nickname Horse Face for years now because he does indeed beleive he looks like a horse. Sadly nobody else has ever thought this and so the nickname has never caught on save for the brief period where he lived with Dan Aykroyd.
Tobin beleives 'there is more to sodomy than meets the eye'. He is yet to elaborate on this belief despite it being brought up during most interviews. Instead of answering he usually distracts the reporter by telling a joke or sometimes taking a large bite out of a raw onion.
While scholars maintain Tobin was brought up in Weymouth this is only a half truth. He only arrived there aged twelve after crossing the mexican border in pursuit of The American Dream. The pain he encountered on route (many deaths and deep financial woe) is not one that he often talks about and so biographers tend to just say he grew up in Weymouth because it is easier
Tobin Bell beleives he is not a man but an abstract concept; thus when other people aren't in the room with him, thinking about him or watching him then he ceases to exist. Unfortunately such a theory is 2000impossi -
Forgotten_Lore — 17 years ago(November 04, 2008 05:01 AM)
- laughs out loud *
Probably worth mentioning that my attention has been drawn towards some supposed inconsistencies in the lore. However, there are no flaws. Tobin is a piligimist hence he has amny wives; one that he hasn't seen since 1993, one that hasn't had sex with him in 8 years because he sleeps on a bed of nails, one who he has sex with every night to try and have a son, one who ne goes down on while eating a sandwich and one who he used to say 'this cock won't suck itself' too We know what we're doing and are sticklers for consistency
Now just the issue of his birth to resolve
- laughs out loud *
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disastrophy — 17 years ago(November 04, 2008 06:53 PM)
FUNNIEST THREAD IN HISTORY!!!
Truly amazing body of work you've compiled right here and well deserving of publication as Mr Bell's Absolutely 1,000,000% Official Biography. You girls are genius!
I have a few facts to contribute:
Tobin Bell's official autobiography, titled "I Want To Play A Game", is sealed with plastic film. Upon opening, fans find 420 pages of what appears to be blank white paper. Do not be fooled however; herein we find the game that Mr. Bell wants to play. The paper is in fact not blank, but written with invisible ink that can only be read under a blacklight with a phosphor of SrP2O7 and peak width of nanometer 420, more commonly known as Blacklight Used For The Purpose of Growing Hemp, and also used in nail bars to polymerize (aka "cure") gel nails.
Upon obtaining this special blacklight, the ink not only becomes readable, but the book itself instantly morphs into a 420 square meter map, which when properly unfolded transpires to be nothing more than a giant game of ludo, completely devoid of anything in the way of autobiographical information about its author. You feel screwed, right? Don't blame Tobin Bell. He never forced you to obtain a blacklight and unfold the whole damn book. You had the free will to say "I can't be bothered with all this BEEP". It wa1ebcs your CHOICE to investigate. The moral of this story is simple: do not waste your time and money on anything other than getting high.
The above information is also reputedly the basis for the plot of Bell's future movie, Saw 420, due for release in 2012.
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ronin1138 — 17 years ago(November 05, 2008 02:59 AM)
Tobin has quite a fan base here in Britain too. The British Foundation For The Appreciation Of Tobin Bell was first establised in 1908 when his birth was forseen in a Seance in the early days of the Womens Institute.
They assert that he is legend due to the following facts:
Tobin is a fan of bear hunting. He does not however hunt with a rifle, prefering to cover his naked body in a mixture of Salmon fish paste and beef gravy, armed only with a toothpick. So feared is he amoung the North American bear population, it is said they will s**t themselves is they see him.
Empire magazine sort to finally establish who was the greatest actor ever. Offering a 50 million charity donation to starving orphans if the Hollywood elite would be willing to compete. Things were going well for Al Pacino and Christain Bale untill wind of the compition got to Bell, who expressed an interest. On hearing this both pulled out, Bell proclaimed his greatness without entering and sadly, the orphans did not get a dime.
Bell is said to only have one fear, squirrels. His agent has confirmed that his contract states that he will not work anywhere near trees or parks. When asked by an interviewer on the set of Saw, Tobin replied in a nervous tone
'their my Kyptonite'. -
ryanlennie2005 — 17 years ago(November 05, 2008 05:17 AM)
Tobin Bell while cooking in 1994 accidentally put his sons guinea pig into a frying pan rather than the chicken he was meant to fry, upon realising Tobin panicked and for some reason threw the poor creatur2000e into his lit gas oven. This incident resulted in the saying "out of the frying pan, into the fire".
Tobin Bell performs all his own stunts, this included a scene at the start of Saw 4 where he was required to be opened,have his stomach removed and have his skin peeled off his skull.
Tobin Bell recently took part in the public lynching and burning of a jew. Afterwards Tobin apologised for being the one who lit the man ablaze insisting "I didn't mean it to be racist, I honestly didn't know he was jewish".
Tobin Bell was recently elected president of the United States, he asked Barack Obama to fill the role for his campaign. Upon inauguration on Jan 20th Tobin will take his place and lead his family into the White House and hope no one notices the switch.
Despite this Tobin is actually a staunch right wing republican, this left him with a dilemma. So Tobin "sat on the fence" outside his Weymouth, Mass home for the entire closing week of the campaign.
Tobin Bell believes he can heal the sick with his humour, in mid Jan 1997 he kept doctors away from his cancer stricken cousin Matthew and sat by his bedside pulling "funny" faces for 24 hours a day for 2 weeks. Matthew Bell died on Feb 2nd 1997.
None of Tobins wives have any problem sharing him with the others, the general consensus of each is "their is only so much bellend one woman can take".
Tobin Bell believes his "acting genius" was forseen by Shakespeare, he backs this up by quoting the line "Tobin or not Tobin, that is the question". No one has the heart to correct him.
Tobin Bell has been trying for the best part of 20 years to try and find a way of going against the famous cliche "you can't make an omlette without breaking a few eggs". His family never lets him cook breakfast anymore as his omlettes are always full of whole unbroken raw eggs.
Tobin believes he is above mere mortals due to his ability to talk to animals, he has only ever shown this with his parrot Jigsaw and therefore many people find his claims debatable.
Tobin's wife said there was one thing she found "instantly sexual" about Tobin when they first met. A picture of them in their younger days can be seen here http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e288/0dede/hairyback.jpg
Tobin Bell is banned from Disneyland after an incident in 2001 where upon meeting Mickey Mouse Tobin Bell expressed great anger screaming "I came all this way and you're not even a real mouse!" Tobin proceded to punch and kick the unfortunate employee to the ground before removing his fake mouse head and throwing it at a small wheelchair bound child.
Tobin Bell plans to outshine the depravation feats of David Blaine by sitting in a clear box in the middle of times square for 48 hours surviving on a diet of nothing but bread,water and the occasional McDonalds.
Tobin recently attended a sick kids hospital in Massachussets in order to "touch sick and poor children". Lawsuits are still pending.
Tobin Bell in his youth experimented with homosexuality, after receiving no pleasure from it he was diagnosed by his doctor in 1979 as having no nerve endings in his anus. To this day Tobin Bell parks in the handicap spaces outside supermarkets and major retail stores. -
disastrophy — 17 years ago(November 07, 2008 06:41 PM)
Ever the gentleman, Tobin Bell invented name tags for those working in the service sector because "these people are the backbone of our society" and he felt it "terribly rude to call them "hey you!"."
Tobin Bell and Eminem are in fact the same person. The evidence speaks for itself; have you ever seen them in a room together?
Tobin Bell ghost-wrote the song
Because I Got High
, however, had to drastically alter the lyrics in order to make the song less of a mouthful. Prior to the alterations, the song, which is autobiographical, featured the main hook of "because I was chatting via MSN with Chuck Norris". Bell and Norris are both keen amoeba farmers and spend much of their time conversing with one another via MSN about this fascinating subject. Bell admits even to have declined film roles "because I was chatting via MSN with Chuck Norris."
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Forgotten_Lore — 17 years ago(November 09, 2008 12:45 PM)
Ha ha, quality stuff there. Loved the Afroman reference
- Ever a fan of healthy eating/ drinking habits and fair trade Tobin Bell started his own brand of ethically scourced orange and mango drinks back in the year 2006. Unfortunately the product was a complete flop. Tobin blamed it on the competitive industry while marketeers have suggested it may have had more to do with the name Bell End Juice.
- Very much a beleiver in the phrase 'what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger' Tobin Bell began frequently self harming in late 2007.
- Ryan pointed out that Tobin gets out of bed at 5 AM every morning so eat breakfast with chopsticks. Unfortunately he didn't tell you everything, missing the essential part that Tobin Bell rarely2000 gets to bed before 2. According to his third wife (the one he has intercourse with most nights) he is impossible as he fears closing his eyes for more than 2 minutes. If he does so then he starts to get in a panic, worrying that he is dead. As such she has to sit by him talking to him until he finally manages to dose off.
- Much has been made of Tobin's love of bear hunting. However, what has not been mentioned is that Tobin only does urban bear hunting. For years Tobin has avoided woodland areas out of fear that he may be attacked by a Yeti, and as such the first Saw film had to be relocated to a wearhouse rather than Wan's original intention of a deep/ dark forest.
- All of Tobin's wives have mentioned how caring a husband he is, stating that when they get pregnant he simulates the pregnancy with them, attending all their meetings, having morning sickness, mood swings and even being known to go as far as stapling a cushion to his stomach.
- Tobin Bell tried to start a new company after he pitched a new idea in 1999 of introducing an additional part to one's house, usually sticking out in to the garden, where they can unwind or other leisurly activites. He wanted to name this new company Bell End Extnesions but the architectual community turned their back on him saying that someone had beaten him to it.
- Every a hypochondriac, Tobin Bell was scared as a young boy by his grandfather's rapidy degrading vision, and between the ages of 9 and 24 went through life beleiving himself to be blind until a doctor told him otherwise.
- Tobin Bell framed Roger Rabbit.
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disastrophy — 17 years ago(November 10, 2008 06:05 PM)
The Bell End puns never fail to make me in hysterics. Lol gotta love that inner child, jejeje XD
- Much has been made of Tobin's love of bear hunting. However, what has not been mentioned is that Tobin only does urban bear hunting. For years Tobin has avoided woodland areas out of fear that he may be attacked by a Yeti, and as such the first Saw film had to be relocated to a wearhouse rather than Wan's original intention of a deep/ dark forest.
Just like the Saw movies, the plot of this fact thickens. Since the previous posting, a yeti has in fact come forward to a renowned Massachusets journal, stating that "Mr. Bell was the perpetrator of a heinous crime against me, hence his reason thereafter for avoiding me at all costs". The yeti went on to explain that one moonlit night in 1965 he was awoken from his slumber by the sounds of scuffling emanating from his back yard (yetis have back yards? Who knew!). Upon investigation, the yeti found a paralytic hippie - a then 23-year old Tobin Bell - rumaging through his trash can.
The yeti politely attempted to reason with Mr. Bell in order to make him leave, but the intoxicated hippie was having none of it. The addition of a rifle made no difference, neither did the threat of "well how about I just eat you then?". Oh no, Mr. Bell was steadfast in his inebriety. Adding insult to injury, he invited himself back to the yeti's house and kept the poor creature awake until morning, boring him near to suicide with tales of the paranormal and supernatural happenings in his mother's bathroom. Mr. Bell finally decided to leave 8 hours later to search the forest for lickable toadstools.
So overwhelmingly relieved was the yeti, and so exhausted, that he didn't bother to watch Mr. Bell as he staggered off, but instead collapsed on the floor asleep. However, when he awoke later that day and went to his front yard to gather his collection of prize truffles (after yeti tourism, a yeti's 2nd main source of income is truffle exporting), only to find the entire patch dug up, the truffles removed, a flower power bandana the only remnant. The yeti lost an entire season's wages, for which he had to compensate by starring in a degrading 1960's sitcom called
Not Without My Yeti
, and from which he has never been able to recover.
The yeti then stated that if he were ever to meet Mr. Bell, he would wire him to a torture device a la
A Clockwork Orange
meets
Saw
and force him to watch an uninterrupted 24 hours worth of Battlefield Earth, on repeat.
The journal is awaiting Mr. Bell's response.
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- Much has been made of Tobin's love of bear hunting. However, what has not been mentioned is that Tobin only does urban bear hunting. For years Tobin has avoided woodland areas out of fear that he may be attacked by a Yeti, and as such the first Saw film had to be relocated to a wearhouse rather than Wan's original intention of a deep/ dark forest.
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Forgotten_Lore — 17 years ago(November 11, 2008 03:47 AM)
Laughed for the whole thing ^^ genuius
Ha ha, was staying round at my friend Kathleen's last night who also loves the Tobin jokes. As we were going off to bed we ended up keeping each other up all night with Bell End puns so will try and post up some of the best ones soon. They involved everything from marriage (Wedding Bell Ends) to a bakery (stciky Bell Ends)
I think what we really need is a website for these to expand the collection on. You don't happen to know anything about hosting or getting a cheap site on the go do you Tokyo Boots? -
Je_Suis_Poisson — 17 years ago(November 11, 2008 10:06 AM)
- Tobin Bell is a fan of Mexican food and very soon intends to open his own Mexican Restaurant called "Taco Bell-Ends."
- Ever the entrepreneur, he also hopes to open his own petrol station called "Bell-End Pumping".
- A little know fact about the man's sensitive side (which he keeps hidden behind a wall of John from Saw-esque acting and a thin veil of pain) is that he is a passionate swing music fan and has even gone so far as to join a band, which split soon after in the midst of arguments about the name. Tobin was of the firm belief that they should call themselves "Bell-End Rhythm".
- Not to limit himself, he is also considering opening his own company producing whipped cream that can be sprayed from a can onto desserts. He intends to call the product "Bell-End Cream Squirtings".
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disastrophy — 17 years ago(November 11, 2008 01:00 PM)
Forgotten Lore: Great idea! Yes, a good place is
www.freedomain.co.nr/- Until recently, Tobin Bell was moonlighting as a female singer; Bell Ender Carlisle
- Contrary to medical belief, Bell's Palsy was not discovered by Scottish anatomist Charles Bell but rather
invented
by Tobin Bell via the process of mind control. A former Navajo code talker, spy during the Cold War, ninja and subliminal hypnotist, Tobin Bell utilises his clandestine skills through a series of subtle vocal inflections whilst delivering certain lines. The result, which affects solely those watching Tobin Bell movies through Sony television screens, is a limited period of facial paralysis, which begins approximately 4-20 hours after the movie ends.
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