Best Line In Soap
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shardwick47 — 20 years ago(October 21, 2005 09:12 PM)
It's difficult to pick from so many great lines from the entire series. So many funny and touching moments were had by all the cast.
But this is the one that sticks out the most:
That whole speech that Mr Lefkowitz(Sorrell Burke)gives at Elaine and Danny's reception: . . .Ladies and gentlemen. This is the day I have waited for for a very long time - the marriage of my daughter. When my wife was on her deathbed I promised to take care of Elaine 'til the day she married, that she would never want for anything. I kept that promise. Now I hand her over to a fine young man who now will take care of her because I'm completely cutting her off!! She'll never get another penny or hear another word from me as long as I live. Because she is a disgusting rotten person and nothing thrills me more than getting rid of her forever. Le Chiam!!!!
Hope I got it right. Memory sticks from time to time.
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andy3472 — 20 years ago(October 22, 2005 03:50 PM)
Far too many to mention but here are some my favourites:
Mrs David: "You're my first homo."
Jodie: "You're my first Texan"Mallu: "Jessica, what are we going to do. I love you..eyes."
Benson: "I love you eyes? And i love you suit."Eunice: "Dirty screws!!!"
Corinne: "You've been wonderful to me and what do I do, I spit in your face."
Jessica (looking confused) : "I don't remember that."The Major: "Let's synchronize our watchesit's now 3-ish."
Chester (answering phone) : "What? No!!"
Eunice: "Who was that?"
Chester: "It was Bob. He wanted to know if Chuck was here."Mallu: "As character witnesses we have Al Capone, Tinkerbell, Punch & Judy and the Invisible man!"
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jmeggers — 13 years ago(February 20, 2013 01:03 PM)
Late to the party, I know.
Not really a single line, but I think my favorite scene (or at least most memorable) would have to be when Jody and Carol were at the Japanese steakhouse, having a conversation. The reactions from the grill chef were just hysterical.
I see it's available on Netflix, I may have to add it to my queue. -
psychoboysaz — 16 years ago(September 15, 2009 11:03 AM)
You got to see the scene to really appreciate this but here goes. Jessica, Mary, Euince and Corrine are all in the kitchen talking about their sex lives,
Jessica: Once when Chester wasn't paying alot of attention to me, I tried something this woman did. When her husband came home she greeted him in a see thru apron and he practically attacked her so I tried it.
All the woman look shocked.
Corrine: (shocked)I don't believe it.
Jessica: Well it didn't work because Chester just asked if I were cooking dinner that night.
Corrine: You mean to tell me that you were just a see thru apron?
Jessica: (looking shocked) JUST, the apron?
Corrine: Yeah, Ma. Just the apron.
Jessica turns to Mary and says: You mean that woman wore JUST the apron? I hope she wasn't cooking bacon. -
dedoc1967 — 18 years ago(November 19, 2007 04:27 PM)
Chester (answering phone) : "What? No!!"
Eunice: "Who was that?"
Chester: "It was Bob. He wanted to know if Chuck was here."LOL. I always crack up when I remember Mallu in his closing argument during Jessica's murder trial, throw compliment after compliment upon his client to which Jessica responds, "Awww who?"
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taintedjezebel — 20 years ago(November 15, 2005 07:10 AM)
When the baby is possessed and everyone is stood downstairs while Tim performs the exorcism, Jodie enters the house and is made to levitate and Chuck/Bob says "hey look, fruit flies!"
Another favourite, although not a funny one is when Danny is on the run from the mob and he goes to say goodbye to all his family and Mary says;
"I guess I have to say goodbye now. But, could I say goodnight instead? Its easier." -
supersteelers1995 — 20 years ago(November 24, 2005 08:24 PM)
By far the best line ever in soap was when Jodie meets Carol for the first time and when she looks surprised about the way the suicidal homosexual Jodie looks he says "What did you expect I'd be in a dress with a nuse around my neck?"
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RobinJoker — 20 years ago(November 25, 2005 11:59 PM)
My favorite, a great three-part joke with perfect timing and delivery, as was the norm for Soap:
The major, always delusional, enters the dining room where most of the family is gathered. He seizes a pineapple from the table, shouts "Grenade!" and hurls it through a closed window. Everyone is shocked into silence. A moment later there's an explosion outside and they're absolutely frozen in horror.
In a few moments a latecomer arrives and calmly says, "Gas main."
Jessica totally confuses the newcomer by responding, "Oh thank God, I thought it was the pineapple!" -
kincaid-5 — 20 years ago(December 16, 2005 08:20 PM)
Impossible to remember them all, of course. Bob's "family of Negroes" line has already been mentioned. A few more:
Dutch dumps a pan of oatmeal over Eunice's head and says he's just trying to show her that he loves her.
Jessica: "Oh Dutch, flowers would have been so much nicer."
Jessica (to Elaine on her wedding day): "Aren't you lovely, dear. No one would ever guess you're trash."
Jody advises Danny to get rid of Elaine by telling her that a health condition has rendered him permanently impotent.
Jody: "So, what happened?"
Danny: "That girl knows a lot of tricks."
El Puerco (to Annie): "In my country, you would be called, 'la ramera.'"
Annie: "Oh that's so pretty. What does it mean?"
El Puerco: "Slut."
Jody's psychiatrist starts contemplating the opportunities from Jody turning into the old Jewish man.
Nurse: "But Doctor, you have to try to bring him back."
Psychiatrist: "You're right. I am a doctor. I did take that silly oath."
Burt has escaped from the spaceship and is having trouble getting Mary to come meet him.
Burt: "Mary! You've got to listen to me!"
Mary: "What, Burt?"
Burt: "Don't listen to me!" -
beavinator — 20 years ago(December 19, 2005 02:07 AM)
I just finished watching through the whole series on DVD. Here are a couple of my favorite scenes.
Burt holds up apple in front of Chuck so blindfolded Bob can "read his mind"
Bob: "It'sredit's roundit's an apple!!"
Danny (leaps out of chair): "THIS IS AMAZING!!!"
Mary: "Danny, Chuck can see what he's holding"
Danny: "Yeah but BOB can't!!"
Chester (spitting out coffee): Benson?! Did you put sugar in this??
Benson: "Is it sweet?"
Chester: "Yes!"
Benson: "Then I must have put sugar in it."
Chester: "Benson, I am a diabetic. I can't have any sugar!"
Benson: "I keep thinkin' it's salt you can't have"
Chester: "I can't have salt either!"
Benson: "Ain't no salt in there!!"
Chester: "Just bring me another cup and this time don't put anything in it!"
Benson walks halfway across the room, forcing Chester to lean over to hand him the coffee, then brings it to kitchen and returns to serve Chester an empty cup
Chester: "BENSON!!"
Benson: "You said don't put anything in it!!"
And somebody already mentioned my favorite: "Do you tink I'm finish?!!" -
Velvet_Roses — 20 years ago(January 06, 2006 01:44 PM)
Chester : Well somebody do something because my blood pressure is already red lined. All I have to do is stand-up and I'll have a cerebral hemorage right on the spot !!
Benson : Simon says Stand Up.
Also theres that scene when Corinne announces Chester that she's moving in with Peter and Jesica doesn't want him to know.
Chester : Peter who's Peter?
Jesica : Peter pumpkin eater had a wife and couldn't keep her locked her in pumpkin cell then he kept her very well
And the rest of the scene that can't really be written.
Chester tells Billy about Herby who always goes on. As he's leaving the room, Billy stops him.
Billy : Where is Herby now ??
Chester : Oh he's in a mental institute, he just sits in corners, talks in numbers and makes lovely baskets!!
Mary : Go install yourself Chuck, you can also take a shower.
Jodie : All Bob needs is a little lemon pledge!!
I loved most of Jodie's jokes about Bob.And there was also all those so intense moments for example when Jessica's about to die that was such an intense moment, but I think the most intense one is when Elaine dies
Danny : Don't worry Elaine, you're home
icannunderstandewattchurespikkingovcoudjureepeetplis?-Of Course I'm a GobStopper Why Ask? -
LadyDi4476 — 16 years ago(September 06, 2009 12:21 PM)
Burt holds up apple in front of Chuck so blindfolded Bob can "read his mind"
Bob: "It'sredit's roundit's an apple!!"
Danny (leaps out of chair): "THIS IS AMAZING!!!"
Mary: "Danny, Chuck can see what he's holding"
Danny: "Yeah but BOB can't!!"
Chuck and Bob were the best part of Soap. They always had me cracking up. The scene where Bob gets hit by the stray bullet in season one is hysterical.
~Diane~ -
auggieblvd — 20 years ago(January 20, 2006 08:45 PM)
When the baby is possessed in season 2 and Benson says he will go up with Tim to try to face the devil he says:
My mother once told me, "Son, look the Devil in the eye and meet him straight on. You can't wrestle him to the ground unless you got a hold of him first."
Powerful stuff!
In addition to that, Jessica's full speech to the Devil to make him go away still gives me chills!
Susan Harris and the other writers of Soap were brilliant with comedic writing, but they were just as brilliant with the serious moments throughout the show.