Best Line In Soap
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taintedjezebel — 20 years ago(November 15, 2005 07:10 AM)
When the baby is possessed and everyone is stood downstairs while Tim performs the exorcism, Jodie enters the house and is made to levitate and Chuck/Bob says "hey look, fruit flies!"
Another favourite, although not a funny one is when Danny is on the run from the mob and he goes to say goodbye to all his family and Mary says;
"I guess I have to say goodbye now. But, could I say goodnight instead? Its easier." -
supersteelers1995 — 20 years ago(November 24, 2005 08:24 PM)
By far the best line ever in soap was when Jodie meets Carol for the first time and when she looks surprised about the way the suicidal homosexual Jodie looks he says "What did you expect I'd be in a dress with a nuse around my neck?"
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RobinJoker — 20 years ago(November 25, 2005 11:59 PM)
My favorite, a great three-part joke with perfect timing and delivery, as was the norm for Soap:
The major, always delusional, enters the dining room where most of the family is gathered. He seizes a pineapple from the table, shouts "Grenade!" and hurls it through a closed window. Everyone is shocked into silence. A moment later there's an explosion outside and they're absolutely frozen in horror.
In a few moments a latecomer arrives and calmly says, "Gas main."
Jessica totally confuses the newcomer by responding, "Oh thank God, I thought it was the pineapple!" -
kincaid-5 — 20 years ago(December 16, 2005 08:20 PM)
Impossible to remember them all, of course. Bob's "family of Negroes" line has already been mentioned. A few more:
Dutch dumps a pan of oatmeal over Eunice's head and says he's just trying to show her that he loves her.
Jessica: "Oh Dutch, flowers would have been so much nicer."
Jessica (to Elaine on her wedding day): "Aren't you lovely, dear. No one would ever guess you're trash."
Jody advises Danny to get rid of Elaine by telling her that a health condition has rendered him permanently impotent.
Jody: "So, what happened?"
Danny: "That girl knows a lot of tricks."
El Puerco (to Annie): "In my country, you would be called, 'la ramera.'"
Annie: "Oh that's so pretty. What does it mean?"
El Puerco: "Slut."
Jody's psychiatrist starts contemplating the opportunities from Jody turning into the old Jewish man.
Nurse: "But Doctor, you have to try to bring him back."
Psychiatrist: "You're right. I am a doctor. I did take that silly oath."
Burt has escaped from the spaceship and is having trouble getting Mary to come meet him.
Burt: "Mary! You've got to listen to me!"
Mary: "What, Burt?"
Burt: "Don't listen to me!" -
beavinator — 20 years ago(December 19, 2005 02:07 AM)
I just finished watching through the whole series on DVD. Here are a couple of my favorite scenes.
Burt holds up apple in front of Chuck so blindfolded Bob can "read his mind"
Bob: "It'sredit's roundit's an apple!!"
Danny (leaps out of chair): "THIS IS AMAZING!!!"
Mary: "Danny, Chuck can see what he's holding"
Danny: "Yeah but BOB can't!!"
Chester (spitting out coffee): Benson?! Did you put sugar in this??
Benson: "Is it sweet?"
Chester: "Yes!"
Benson: "Then I must have put sugar in it."
Chester: "Benson, I am a diabetic. I can't have any sugar!"
Benson: "I keep thinkin' it's salt you can't have"
Chester: "I can't have salt either!"
Benson: "Ain't no salt in there!!"
Chester: "Just bring me another cup and this time don't put anything in it!"
Benson walks halfway across the room, forcing Chester to lean over to hand him the coffee, then brings it to kitchen and returns to serve Chester an empty cup
Chester: "BENSON!!"
Benson: "You said don't put anything in it!!"
And somebody already mentioned my favorite: "Do you tink I'm finish?!!"
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Velvet_Roses — 20 years ago(January 06, 2006 01:44 PM)
Chester : Well somebody do something because my blood pressure is already red lined. All I have to do is stand-up and I'll have a cerebral hemorage right on the spot !!
Benson : Simon says Stand Up.
Also theres that scene when Corinne announces Chester that she's moving in with Peter and Jesica doesn't want him to know.
Chester : Peter who's Peter?
Jesica : Peter pumpkin eater had a wife and couldn't keep her locked her in pumpkin cell then he kept her very well
And the rest of the scene that can't really be written.
Chester tells Billy about Herby who always goes on. As he's leaving the room, Billy stops him.
Billy : Where is Herby now ??
Chester : Oh he's in a mental institute, he just sits in corners, talks in numbers and makes lovely baskets!!
Mary : Go install yourself Chuck, you can also take a shower.
Jodie : All Bob needs is a little lemon pledge!!
I loved most of Jodie's jokes about Bob.And there was also all those so intense moments for example when Jessica's about to die that was such an intense moment, but I think the most intense one is when Elaine dies
Danny : Don't worry Elaine, you're home
icannunderstandewattchurespikkingovcoudjureepeetplis?-Of Course I'm a GobStopper Why Ask? -
LadyDi4476 — 16 years ago(September 06, 2009 12:21 PM)
Burt holds up apple in front of Chuck so blindfolded Bob can "read his mind"
Bob: "It'sredit's roundit's an apple!!"
Danny (leaps out of chair): "THIS IS AMAZING!!!"
Mary: "Danny, Chuck can see what he's holding"
Danny: "Yeah but BOB can't!!"
Chuck and Bob were the best part of Soap. They always had me cracking up. The scene where Bob gets hit by the stray bullet in season one is hysterical.
~Diane~ -
auggieblvd — 20 years ago(January 20, 2006 08:45 PM)
When the baby is possessed in season 2 and Benson says he will go up with Tim to try to face the devil he says:
My mother once told me, "Son, look the Devil in the eye and meet him straight on. You can't wrestle him to the ground unless you got a hold of him first."
Powerful stuff!
In addition to that, Jessica's full speech to the Devil to make him go away still gives me chills!
Susan Harris and the other writers of Soap were brilliant with comedic writing, but they were just as brilliant with the serious moments throughout the show. -
dedoc1967 — 18 years ago(November 19, 2007 04:40 PM)
When the baby is possessed in season 2 and Benson says he will go up with Tim to try to face the devil he says:
My mother once told me, "Son, look the Devil in the eye and meet him straight on. You can't wrestle him to the ground unless you got a hold of him first."
Powerful stuff!
Isn't that when the devil made a growling sound that shook the house and Benson starts back down the stairs saying, "My mother was a fool! An out and out idiot and everyone knew it!" LOL
In addition to that, Jessica's full speech to the Devil to make him go away still gives me chills!
Oh yeah! Somewhere in there she says, "We've endured separation and loss and death, we've survived too much to give up to you now." Helmond was genius in this role. She could manipulate laughs or tears out of any line. -
bizerta — 20 years ago(February 07, 2006 12:36 PM)
My two favs:
After Benson killed the rat (Arthur?), Chester (or Jessica) asks Benson if the rat had been given a proper burial. Benson replies that yes, he gave him a "burial at sea". I knew what he meant the instant he said it. There was no need for the pause and "I flushed him down the toilet."
My other fav is when Bob was hidden in the refrigerator. Chuck needs a maniquin, any manaquin, so he slices a mouth in a grapefruit. Of course, when thr grapefruit speaks, juice runs down Chuck's arm. When Bob is finally discovered, Bob is shaking from the cold and remarks about the light in the refrigerator that stayed ON when the door was closed. -
jbacks3-1 — 20 years ago(February 21, 2006 09:03 AM)
The funniest thing I think I ever saw on TV was the bit where Jodie hides Chuck in the freezer and Bob is frantic. He runs into the kitchen doing the ventriloquist bit on fruit (the bannana goes "OLE!") the groaning orange in the juicer had me on the floor. That killed me
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igrahamb — 20 years ago(March 14, 2006 03:00 PM)
I think the best line has previously been mentioned, when Jodie tells Jessica that gays have existed throughout history, and mentions that Plato was gay. A flabbergasted Jessica says, "Mickey Mouse's dog was gay?"
If you watch that scene you can tell that Billy Crystal is about to burst out laughing and barely keeps it together.