Lieutenant Van Buren secrecy
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Tree_Woman — 9 years ago(September 04, 2016 12:00 PM)
Um have you ever been in her position? I have - cancer - and it was difficult to deal with workplace concern. I became super-private about what I was going through, and there was only one co-worker that I would confide in, and she, too, had dealt with a cancer diagnosis at a young age.
What might seem to a co-worker to be simple concern, comes off as intrusive and invasive to the person who is sick. Been there done that, and Van Buren did a fine job of it. Brought back memories, some of them painful. The cancer treatment itself is intrusive and invasive, and all you want to do is have your privacy back. Your doctors are poking and prodding you, and you become hyper-sensitive to any perceived invasion of privacy.
It is hard for anyone who has not experienced it to understand it. My standard statement to anyone close to me that has a catastrophic event in their lives is, "Call me if there is ANYTHING I can do to help, anytime, day or night." I am also an anonymous well-wishing sender of flowers, a simple way to say someone cares about you, but doesn't want to intrude. -
maryrosenkranz — 9 years ago(September 07, 2016 02:48 PM)
Actually she had gotten the call from the doctor at the very end of the episode at the party. We can assume it was the doctor letting her know the tests were clear. The show ended there. She did not know she had beaten cancer until that point. She was private because of all the crap she had to put up with in the dept. While she had family within her squad, there still would be a part of her that did not want to show weakness. When one is fighting a terrible disease, you sometimes don't want your actual family to know. Not necessarily pity. But depending on your family, one sometimes feels it would be a burden to them(it's not, but that is how one feels because of the depression that hits you).
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Xeliou66 — 9 years ago(August 31, 2016 05:44 PM)
I liked how she was, she was extremely professional and wanted to keep her private life separate. I'm sure she faced adversity as both a black cop and a female and so she wanted to remain extremely professional and not let the lines blur between her private and professional lives.
I liked how this show never fell into the Disney trap of showing characters as being super close and family like, because they weren't and that isn't realistic, but they didn't throw in unnecessary conflict between characters either. The way the show ended was great, with all the main characters being together to support Van Buren which made sense because they all knew her for a while and she was a well liked squad commander and it was a good way to get all the characters together in the final scene without it feeling forced as all 6 main characters were rarely together. -
movieliker1 — 9 years ago(August 31, 2016 06:02 PM)
I agree with all that. But being professional and protecting her privacy is one thing. But refusing any information when it was clear something was going on was strangely obsessive. It began to affect her precinct. People were worried. And she still wouldn't give any explanation.
Even in the end she didn't want her precinct to give her a party. Her husband had to explain to her that they were worried before, they were relieved she had beaten the disease, and they cared about her. That was weird.
She was a a mother and a wife. You would think she would have understood. -
Xeliou66 — 9 years ago(September 01, 2016 06:42 AM)
Um, she didn't refuse information. She told her whole squad about her health issue in the first episode of season 20.
And I understand that she is reluctant that the detectives wanted to throw a party for her, she has always liked keeping her personal and professional lives separate. But it was a nice gesture from the detectives to have a fundraising party for her, she was definitely a well liked figure and it was a good way to end the series without it feeling unnatural or forced to have all the main characters in the same room.
I think you are just wanting to complain about something -
queenstar-931-989311 — 9 years ago(September 01, 2016 07:23 AM)
Xeliou said "I think you are just wanting to complain about something"
i totally agree with this. plus to repeat an opinion repeatedly as if no one got it the FIRST time, simply means "your" opinion is the only one that's correct. IMO this a person who
right fights
. it should be blatantly obvious that the replies indicate others understood "your" opinion and STILL disagreed with it.
it's only my personal opinion, no permission required to have it
queenstar -
movieliker1 — 9 years ago(September 07, 2016 04:21 PM)
Xeliou said "I think you are just wanting to complain about something"
i totally agree with this. plus to repeat an opinion repeatedly as if no one got it the FIRST time, simply means "your" opinion is the only one that's correct. IMO this a person whoright fights
. it should be blatantly obvious that the replies indicate others understood "your" opinion and STILL disagreed with it.
I don't agree with this. I am simply taking the time to reply personally to someone who took the time to reply to me. It is called polite etiquette. Something you obviously know nothing about. -
queenstar-931-989311 — 9 years ago(September 08, 2016 09:00 AM)
you don't have to agree and i didn't ask you to!! i stated MY opinion which i stand by. it is based on your insistence in repeating yourself numerous times as if your opinion is correct
or
others must agree
or
the most insulting and pathetic of all, others are too dumb to get it the FIRST time. i noticed neither etiquette NOR politeness involved.
just for your kind:
it's only my personal opinion, no permission required to have it
queenstar -
movieliker1 — 9 years ago(September 08, 2016 09:14 AM)
you don't have to agree and i didn't ask you to!! i stated MY opinion which i stand by. it is based on your insistence in repeating yourself numerous times as if your opinion is correctorothers must agreeorthe most insulting and pathetic of all, others are too dumb to get it the FIRST time. i noticed neither etiquette NOR politeness involved.
In case you haven't noticed, many posters don't read the whole thread (like apparently you do). They only read the post they are replying to and that's it. You can tell because they repeat the same responses others have made in the same thread. I was replying for their benefit.
Don't get so angry just because you don't know what you are talking about. You are still welcomed to participate at IMDb. Although it would help for you to be more understanding, tolerant and knowledgeable. -
queenstar-931-989311 — 9 years ago(September 11, 2016 09:51 AM)
you really are
!!!!! GIVE IT UP your opinion is NOT the only one, EVER. no lame excuses required, believed, and especially not accepted. thank you for the NOT requested or needed permission to participate though. i am not angry so don't get that twisted. i recognize and call bs when i read it.
i am understanding, tolerant, and knowledgeable that you RESENT my call on yours
it's only my personal opinion, no permission required to have it
queenstar -
movieliker1 — 9 years ago(September 07, 2016 04:17 PM)
That is fine if you don't agree. But, although I appreciate your opinion and I really do I still don't agree. I have the right to my opinion. And I have the right to disagree. That doesn't mean I am wanting to complain about something. It just means I don't agree.
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therealshapeshifter — 9 years ago(September 07, 2016 04:33 PM)
I made the mistake of blabbing in the work place about my diagnosis as soon as I knew. I've worked here 15 years, so we shared a lot.
Anyway, I quickly got an email from HR about it. 90 days later I lost a third of my income. If I'd been quiet, it wouldn't have happened. -
therealshapeshifter — 9 years ago(September 07, 2016 09:56 PM)
Actually, any law suit would be against my primary care provider who never diagnosed something that was growing for 7 years before I found one of several metastasized tumors. But I am doing miraculously well with just 2 months treatment left to go.
But it is not uncommon to keep a cancer diagnosis from employers as long as possible because once Long Term Disability kicks in, loss of a third of income is standard, and often loss of employer's health insurance contribution stops.
Van Buren's health expenses were paid by donations. -
therealshapeshifter — 9 years ago(September 08, 2016 04:44 PM)
I am happy to hear you are doing well with your treatment.
Are you on long term disability now? Did you, or do you qualify?
Yes, LTD kicked in after 16 weeks of chemo and major surgery. Because my employee handbook stated that health insurance was to continue, my HR person went to the top brass and got a 6 month extension for me after she learned that our insurance contract does not provide that.
In the episode where Van Buren gets a phone call while attending her surprise health expense fund raising party, she gets good news, and then I don't think we hear about it again, which didn't seem realistic, but it meant she was never had enough sick days to need LTD. I recall her saying she had maxed out what the insurance would pay. Our contract doesn't have that kind of max, fortunately.
Anyway, IRL I would have expected her to not go to work everyday while getting treatment, which speaks to your original question about secrecy. I think if they had shown her staying home and using "vacation time" so she wouldn't max out her sick days, the practical side of secrecy would have been more obvious. -
movieliker1 — 9 years ago(September 08, 2016 05:35 PM)
Yes, LTD kicked in after 16 weeks of chemo and major surgery. Because my employee handbook stated that health insurance was to continue, my HR person went to the top brass and got a 6 month extension for me after she learned that our insurance contract does not provide that.
Happy to hear things are working out for you. Sorry you had to go through that.
In the episode where Van Buren gets a phone call while attending her surprise health expense fund raising party, she gets good news, and then I don't think we hear about it again, which didn't seem realistic, but it meant she was never had enough sick days to need LTD. I recall her saying she had maxed out what the insurance would pay. Our contract doesn't have that kind of max, fortunately.
Anyway, IRL I would have expected her to not go to work everyday while getting treatment, which speaks to your original question about secrecy. I think if they had shown her staying home and using "vacation time" so she wouldn't max out her sick days, the practical side of secrecy would have been more obvious.
If I am not mistaken, that episode where Van Buren had her surprise support party and she got the "phone call", I believe that was the last episode before the show was canceled. There were no more episodes. So, they could not have addressed it further. -
therealshapeshifter — 9 years ago(September 08, 2016 07:36 PM)
If I am not mistaken, that episode where Van Buren had her surprise support party and she got the "phone call", I believe that was the last episode before the show was canceled. There were no more episodes. So, they could not have addressed it further
Ah. That makes sense.