South Asian girls in relationships with white guys?
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rainleaf — 17 years ago(September 24, 2008 10:02 PM)
trueangel_15 - Yeah, I come from a community just like yours and I know exactly what you mean. It's very hard to find interracial couples, and if there are any, they're faced with much scrutiny. Sometimes, despite the differences in race/ethnicity, the pairing is perfect but pressure from the community makes it hard for a lot of couples to stay together. Although I don't entirely disagree with the close-knitted culture that we have, it really underplays the need for love in a relationship like marriage. Love doesn't necessarily have to follow automatically just because you've been paired together. It can, but sometimes you don't really have a choice do you =/ Sorry for the pessimistic rant haha.
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squishie28 — 17 years ago(November 03, 2008 10:05 PM)
I'm a 17 year old Australian-born Indian girl, and the 4 guys I've been involved with have all been caucasian, but that was just coincidence. The last guy I dated, our relationship lasted for a year and it was pretty serious so my parents knew, and they weren't impressed that I was dating ANY guy, it wouldn't have made a difference whether he was Caucasian or Asian or Indian. Then again, my family isn't very into the whole 'community image' thing; I know one of my friends has to marry an Indian guy. Incidentally, I was chatted up by some guy of Indian/African descent in a shopping centre and when I informed him I had a boyfriend, he asked what nationality he was, and gave me the dirtiest look accompanied by "Oh, so you're one of THOSE girls" when I said he was Caucasian. Then again, he was a total creep (22 years old and macking on a 16 yr old!) so I guess he was just an idiot.
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rainleaf — 17 years ago(November 20, 2008 07:54 PM)
It's sad when people assume you're the kind of girl who would never date within her race SIMPLY because you're dating a white guy. Before I started going out with my boyfriend (he's caucasian too) I had a crush on a bunch of brown guys at the time, but since my boyfriend was the first to approach me the relationship just started naturally. I would never ever mind dating a South Asian guy, but some of the ones I've met are so pretentious about the fact that brown girls who date white guys think they're too far up the pedestal. It's not true at all - yes, some girls are like that, but it doesn't necessarily mean that all of us are after "white meat". Wow, felt good to let that out. I know exactly how you feel!
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showmeyoursoul89 — 16 years ago(March 26, 2010 12:22 AM)
yeah i havent seem many south asian girls with white guys here. I'm a south asian girl who has personally only been in relationships with whites, and other colours. I have never had a problem, but my parents are really liberal and open with these issues.
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thewisetraveller — 17 years ago(December 29, 2008 10:10 AM)
I had an Indian girl friend. She was born here and grew up here. We went to the same school for years and it was like one among the best schools in the North East. It was one hell of a liberal environment we grew up in. So, inter-racial relationships were not a matter of discussion. But then we started dating. I went to their house for dinner several times and things inside their house did not run like they did in myn. They didn't appreciate humor at the dining table. They didn't appreciate me running my hands through my girl friend's hair. There was an obvious power balance between the men and women of the family. They asked me a 1000 questions about my family. My gf was a whole different person when she's with her family. I was really curious of this whole Indian thing by then. I guessed they are just too conservative for me and I don't appreciate ignorance and after six months of a serious relationship, I realized how ignorant her family was. They were very particular about my gf not having anything to do with African-Americans whatsoever and there was a racist tone to their every conversation about different races. They were like really richdoctors and businessmen alike. My gf had this thing.she kept telling me how she was taught that her fellow Americans of other races are not smart and that they should be her inspiration to not to be like them and work hard in school. I felt offended because I am a white American. I told her that but she had that tattoed in her.I can't blame her. I broke up with her. It's a shame because she was the most beautiful girl friend I ever had. She was smart and she knew her limits..she didn't like to watch stupid TVshe didn't want to be in the in-crowd. I hope that I will find someone like that someday. Now, I am deeply attracted to Indian girls but then I am beep scared to appraoch them. I have to blame myself for that.or is it really not a stereotype?
THIS WORLD IS A BOOK AND THOSE WHO DON'T TRAVEL READ ONLY A PAGE. -
wok_wyle — 17 years ago(February 06, 2009 08:13 AM)
I just wanted to say, don't judge a person by their family. Obviously in the example you gave, the girl also had certain not so great ideas ingrained in her, but generally, people can have very different ideas to their family. It's not surprising that your ex-gf was different around her family; at the end of the day that was her family, and she still had to live with them, love them, respect them etc I also can't say I blame people who internalise certain beliefs, not when they have them drilled into their brains from birth. I don't blame them, but I think it's sad.
Take my word for it, there are people out there who are not stereotypes. Chances are, you could approach a girl and find that she really is a stereotype, but then again, maybe she's not. You won't know until you try.
Here ends my sermon
'Be the change you want to see in the world'- Schofield (originally Gandhi)
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AlphaCarbon — 16 years ago(May 12, 2009 10:42 AM)
I def see where you come from family's are the scariest part, because there are SO many expectations and taboos. You can't help your race, can you?
Of all the Pakistani girls I know>1/2 are dating white guys and the other 1/2 don't date at all. The ones who are dating are from more liberal families, and there are actually a lot of them! Of the ones who don't date, a good number would have no problem with marrying a non-Pakistani so long as he is Muslim.1/2 of the Pakistani/Bengali marriages I've been around have been Pakistani girl/ non-Pakistani guy (usually white, sometimes black or arab). It does feel awkward, because a bunch of community elders just mutter things, but it is what it is.
I agree with the other guy, don't judge a girl by her family. Her thoughts may be different but confusion keeps her from acting against it. A lot could be due to emotional blackmail and unexplainable guilt. Obey the rents and all's well, or give up everything you ever knew and detach. The leading double lives thing is very common but it can be emotionally destroying.
Hopefully she will find that courage to stand up, because we live our lives as individuals and should be entitled to think differently.
You're not at fault. You seem like a goodhearted dude, it's just the whole clash of cultures thing that can be overwhelming. At least it's not absoluteplenty of other fish in the sea. Good luck! -
ridiculonius — 16 years ago(August 28, 2009 03:54 PM)
My parents were actually the opposite - white girl + south asian guy. While a lot of people (mostly random passers-by who would stare at them when they realized they were a couple) were uncomfortable with the racial difference, the biggest barrier was actually the fact that my mum was a Christian (albiet a lapsed Christian) and my dad was an Ismaili (an Islamic branch). My grandma (on my dad's side) would be trying to set him up with "nice Ismaili girls" even when she knew he was dating my mum. They were only allowed to get married if she converted (which she did gladly). But after religion was no longer an issue it went back to the skin thing. This one woman actually told my grandma (dad's side) that she must've done something terrible in a past life to get a white, originally non-Ismaili daughter-in-law. My grandma stood up for my mum, thankfully, but it's still a blood-boiling issue.
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Ithilfaen — 16 years ago(October 22, 2009 04:29 AM)
Unfortunately it's really the same in every culture that's deeply rooted in their traditions. They regard mixed marriages and relationships as a dissolution of their traditional values. They ARE right in a way a Sikh girl who marries a Catholic Irish guy there's a good chance that they won't keep any kind of religious tradition at all but then if tradition and religion was important to her, she'd probably not date or marry a guy from outside her religion so what's the point in opposing it?
I have a friend who was born in London and moved back to Delhi when her grandfather got sick. After her parents decided to stay on, she had no choice but to adapt but she never really felt at home Her parents while not being 'orthodox' are attached to traditions but they wished her to go study abroad and hopefully marry a good Indian guy in the UK.
Imagine their reaction when they found out she was a lesbian and in a 6 months relationship with a Scottish girl in College?
She was ordered to come back home immediately without completing her education to be restricted to quarters under strict surveillance or they'd cut her off.
I imagine they'd pretty much have the same reaction if she was in a lesbian relationship with another Indian girl lol. But still they told her they'd rather have her marry a muslim than be a lesbian can you imagine what it means to them to say that?
I bet they'd probably told her they'd rather have her be a lesbian than marry a muslim if she had brought a muslim home but it's one of those damned if I do damned if I don't situation
For every lie I unlearn I learn something new - Ani Difranco -
coolaree — 15 years ago(June 20, 2010 07:49 PM)
I'm not a girl or South Asian, but from observation I very rarely 'see South Asian girls with white (or black/asian/ whatever) guys (Then again I dont actively look.)
but 'Indian guys with white girls, I;ve seen alot. (In Australia).
I see now, judging from these comments, it could be because of culture, religion and family and stuff, slight double standard maybe regarding males/females
Anyway I enjoyed the movie
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LiveTogetherDialAPhone — 15 years ago(July 11, 2010 11:12 PM)
I don't understand the racist mentality of many traditional immigrants I mean, if you're moving to a country where the overwhelming majority of the population is not your ethnicity or religion, do you honestly expect your lineage to stay "pure" forever? Maybe your children will marry into your culture, and if you're "lucky" maybe your grandchildren might, but even that's a stretch. Sooner or later, your descendants are going to be assimilated into your new country, unless they move again or something. Look at the United States Find anyone whose ancestry goes back in the country 150+ years, and you'll be hard-pressed to find many who are 100% anything - including the Native Americans.
What is it, then? Do they see their immigration as being a temporary thing, assuming that one day their family will go back to their land of birth? It can't just be stupidity.