South Asian girls in relationships with white guys?
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wok_wyle — 17 years ago(February 06, 2009 08:13 AM)
I just wanted to say, don't judge a person by their family. Obviously in the example you gave, the girl also had certain not so great ideas ingrained in her, but generally, people can have very different ideas to their family. It's not surprising that your ex-gf was different around her family; at the end of the day that was her family, and she still had to live with them, love them, respect them etc I also can't say I blame people who internalise certain beliefs, not when they have them drilled into their brains from birth. I don't blame them, but I think it's sad.
Take my word for it, there are people out there who are not stereotypes. Chances are, you could approach a girl and find that she really is a stereotype, but then again, maybe she's not. You won't know until you try.
Here ends my sermon
'Be the change you want to see in the world'- Schofield (originally Gandhi)
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AlphaCarbon — 16 years ago(May 12, 2009 10:42 AM)
I def see where you come from family's are the scariest part, because there are SO many expectations and taboos. You can't help your race, can you?
Of all the Pakistani girls I know>1/2 are dating white guys and the other 1/2 don't date at all. The ones who are dating are from more liberal families, and there are actually a lot of them! Of the ones who don't date, a good number would have no problem with marrying a non-Pakistani so long as he is Muslim.1/2 of the Pakistani/Bengali marriages I've been around have been Pakistani girl/ non-Pakistani guy (usually white, sometimes black or arab). It does feel awkward, because a bunch of community elders just mutter things, but it is what it is.
I agree with the other guy, don't judge a girl by her family. Her thoughts may be different but confusion keeps her from acting against it. A lot could be due to emotional blackmail and unexplainable guilt. Obey the rents and all's well, or give up everything you ever knew and detach. The leading double lives thing is very common but it can be emotionally destroying.
Hopefully she will find that courage to stand up, because we live our lives as individuals and should be entitled to think differently.
You're not at fault. You seem like a goodhearted dude, it's just the whole clash of cultures thing that can be overwhelming. At least it's not absoluteplenty of other fish in the sea. Good luck! -
ridiculonius — 16 years ago(August 28, 2009 03:54 PM)
My parents were actually the opposite - white girl + south asian guy. While a lot of people (mostly random passers-by who would stare at them when they realized they were a couple) were uncomfortable with the racial difference, the biggest barrier was actually the fact that my mum was a Christian (albiet a lapsed Christian) and my dad was an Ismaili (an Islamic branch). My grandma (on my dad's side) would be trying to set him up with "nice Ismaili girls" even when she knew he was dating my mum. They were only allowed to get married if she converted (which she did gladly). But after religion was no longer an issue it went back to the skin thing. This one woman actually told my grandma (dad's side) that she must've done something terrible in a past life to get a white, originally non-Ismaili daughter-in-law. My grandma stood up for my mum, thankfully, but it's still a blood-boiling issue.
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Ithilfaen — 16 years ago(October 22, 2009 04:29 AM)
Unfortunately it's really the same in every culture that's deeply rooted in their traditions. They regard mixed marriages and relationships as a dissolution of their traditional values. They ARE right in a way a Sikh girl who marries a Catholic Irish guy there's a good chance that they won't keep any kind of religious tradition at all but then if tradition and religion was important to her, she'd probably not date or marry a guy from outside her religion so what's the point in opposing it?
I have a friend who was born in London and moved back to Delhi when her grandfather got sick. After her parents decided to stay on, she had no choice but to adapt but she never really felt at home Her parents while not being 'orthodox' are attached to traditions but they wished her to go study abroad and hopefully marry a good Indian guy in the UK.
Imagine their reaction when they found out she was a lesbian and in a 6 months relationship with a Scottish girl in College?
She was ordered to come back home immediately without completing her education to be restricted to quarters under strict surveillance or they'd cut her off.
I imagine they'd pretty much have the same reaction if she was in a lesbian relationship with another Indian girl lol. But still they told her they'd rather have her marry a muslim than be a lesbian can you imagine what it means to them to say that?
I bet they'd probably told her they'd rather have her be a lesbian than marry a muslim if she had brought a muslim home but it's one of those damned if I do damned if I don't situation
For every lie I unlearn I learn something new - Ani Difranco -
coolaree — 15 years ago(June 20, 2010 07:49 PM)
I'm not a girl or South Asian, but from observation I very rarely 'see South Asian girls with white (or black/asian/ whatever) guys (Then again I dont actively look.)
but 'Indian guys with white girls, I;ve seen alot. (In Australia).
I see now, judging from these comments, it could be because of culture, religion and family and stuff, slight double standard maybe regarding males/females
Anyway I enjoyed the movie
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LiveTogetherDialAPhone — 15 years ago(July 11, 2010 11:12 PM)
I don't understand the racist mentality of many traditional immigrants I mean, if you're moving to a country where the overwhelming majority of the population is not your ethnicity or religion, do you honestly expect your lineage to stay "pure" forever? Maybe your children will marry into your culture, and if you're "lucky" maybe your grandchildren might, but even that's a stretch. Sooner or later, your descendants are going to be assimilated into your new country, unless they move again or something. Look at the United States Find anyone whose ancestry goes back in the country 150+ years, and you'll be hard-pressed to find many who are 100% anything - including the Native Americans.
What is it, then? Do they see their immigration as being a temporary thing, assuming that one day their family will go back to their land of birth? It can't just be stupidity. -
Asim0721-1 — 15 years ago(July 16, 2010 04:45 AM)
the thing about immigrating is that they dont really move to experience the western lufestyle but for providing for their families. Its all about familiarity and how the community sees you. In my family (pakistani) here in the uk, hey would prefer you to marry a pakistani, but slowly things are changing. my borther married a bengali and my parents were okay with that. i dont know about south asian and white but religion and soical stigma about marrying someone from "outside" is seen as wierd.
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sokkertenngrl-1 — 15 years ago(December 17, 2010 11:56 PM)
hmm One should not always blame the South Asian side of a relationship for the relationship to not work out. Like someone said, it works both ways.
Also, the reason for the low numbers of interracial marriage can also be attributed to the fact that many white guys may not like asian/indian girls or only like white girls. That's a big reason why I feel there are more South Asian man/White woman relationships than the opposite.
I met a white French boy who I became infatuated with, but he felt people should be with their own kind Chinese with Chinese, French with French. So needless to say, my hopes of him ever liking me back were useless, and that's when I felt I should just date/marry within my own race, so as not to be rejected because of something I cannot and would not want to change. Mind you, this wasn't the only experience of something like this happening, it's happened almost all the times I've fancied a white guy. And I live in a very liberal community(or so I thought).
http://cashcrate.com/661930
You don't need money to make money. -
hollywoodsuprstar — 15 years ago(January 07, 2011 09:55 AM)
I am in the USA and i've noticed that lot of South Asian woman prefer White men, and South Asian male prefer white woman.
Seen it, its very common here, and people are okay with it..because its America (a big melting pot)
South Asian Americans are just modern thinkers, if parents object then they just move out on their own and have their own life.
(i've known it for a fact) -
David_Brown — 15 years ago(February 26, 2011 08:31 PM)
Jess is a very different "South Asian Girl" than most. She is essentially a prodigy, who is simply too good at soccer, to follow her parents rules, and be happy doing it. More importantly, she is honest about who she is, and knows what has to be done to get there. Her Father, was wise enough to let her follow her dreams, and by letting her go to Santa Clara, and date Joe, she will not rebel, and stay in California (As I can imagine Jules will). Instead, she will get her degree, then come back home, play soccer for England in the Women's World Cup & Olympics, and be an asset to her family and community. By the way, this was hinted at by Jess at the airport, and stressed at the very end with Joe playing cricket with Jess's dad.
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Lolawoo — 14 years ago(January 01, 2012 07:31 AM)
My family are South Asian (Muslim, Palistani) they are hypocritically religious and cling on to their conservative values and ideal and they are to be blunt racist - its an understatement to say that they way they are fustrates me.
My first boyfriend was white, and we had a great relationship. His parents knew about me but I couldn't tell my family because they'd never accept it. They eventually found out and demanded that I break up with him - I didn't. Why would I anyway? He was a great person and I loved him, I would never break up with someone just because my parents told me too, and I'd encourage everyone else in a similar situation to do this as well.
Regressive, archiac traditions only fuel my desire to change this. One thing that I've learned after many attempts to challenge my familys bigotry is that they will never change, but the older generation will die out soon enough.
Nothing to lose but our chains, we have a world to win