Is that really so wrong?
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Coaster610 — 13 years ago(December 09, 2012 08:29 PM)
No. Love is love. I'm sure one can point to facts or personal stories or anything else to show how a 16 year difference is unhealthy or not right in a relationship, but if two people love each other, that's all that matters. It really just depends on the people!
It's kind of like parents who only let their children watch age-appropriate films. I saw American Beauty when I was 11. Many parents might find that disgraceful, unhealthy, and wrong. But me? I found that I had finally viewed a film that dealt with issues nobody spoke about, issues that I was dealing with firsthand, and it comforted me to know I wasn't alone. It felt right. So to each their own. -
Mutant101 — 13 years ago(December 29, 2012 11:18 AM)
Not wrong, definitely if she looks like Elizabeth Olsen! On a serious note, one of my best friends who is 30 years old, broke up with his 19 year old girlfriend (per my advice). He basically told me that the age gap was getting too weird for him and I explained to him that if the age gap is really an issue, then he needs to end the relationship. If you're dwelling on a specific age gap in relationship, obviously you have doubts about the relationship.
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doggie_rodriguez — 11 years ago(November 19, 2014 04:41 PM)
Terrible advice. With each passing day the "age gap" becomes less and less of a big deal.
30 to 19. Okay, maybe a little weird. (although I'm fine with it)
35 to 24. Probably not a problem to most people.
40 to 29. No one on the planet gives a $h*t. -
stephen-576-470501 — 13 years ago(January 08, 2013 05:12 AM)
Not wrong butdifficult.
Plus, it all depends on how old you are when you meet. My wife is 18+ years younger than me but we met when she was 37 and I, 55. We rarely have any issue with it now, (usually it's the source of good-natured ribbing for both of us), but, to be honest, I don't exactly look forward to my being in my eighties and her only in her 60's, (for those of you not there yetthere's a huge difference).
So I guess I would say there's a "Goldilocks" region for these May/December relationships (not too hot, not too cold) in that, the age difference means more the younger you are and the older you are with a part in the middle that'sjust perfect. -
nereidon — 13 years ago(January 24, 2013 04:33 AM)
i guess it depends on how young at heart you are and how mature she is. and eventually it is really like the little calculation he made, it is all a matter of perspective, when you are 87 she is 71, no one would see anything wrong with that, but just because she is rather young it is all wrong or what? because she needs to make more experiences first? well if we decide on that considering the example the movie gave us, i dont think we will find us to be satisfied either. Finally she slept with a random guy she didnt like and i bet it was as disappointing as it could get. Hard to see how that was the better decision or in any way an experience she could grow on. Unless by that we mean becoming bitter and cynical like the Romantic Literature Teacher.
Cant see anything wrong to actually be with someone you like and feel you belong to, no matter what anyone else says. it is simply none of their business. and life is short enough.
" People being stupid is not a plot hole " - by redwingjs
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krupocin-1 — 13 years ago(January 27, 2013 11:52 AM)
I definitely wasn't saying this is "wrong" but basically what I was getting at is that any female who is looking to enter a long term relationship with a 35 year old man has some psychological issues and vice versa. This isn't my opinion, it's a fact that has to do with one about to enter their most critical years of emotional growth and personal development and the other essentially middle age. The 35 year old man who is entering into a relationship that isn't strictly physical with a 19 year old woman is seriously emotionally stunted (when is the last time you met a 19 yr old girl who would intellectually stimulate you at 35 lol!? I went to med school and that was even true there with some of the brightest women I've ever met). On the other side of the coin, a 19 yr old woman who is entering into a relationship with a 35 yr old man has some serious "daddy" issues. Like I said, it's not wrong, and if the 2 people can balance these issues (since of course there is much more to it than these 2 superficial manifestations) than more power to them, but let's not go on about "love is love" and all that, it's bs and a big of why this country is so fkd up.
Just for the record as well, I'm not a cynic at all when it comes to love, actually quite the opposite I get crap from friends for being a real life Ted Mosby at times lol, and of course I have my issues too. I guess just after seeing in my ward so many addicts and borderlines and suicidal teens lusting after older men I realize that nothing exists in a bubble and these women (and men) often has some major issues. Also, just for the record, there's very little unusual with 30 & 45, and absolutely nothing unusual about 35 & 45. The reason 19 & 35 is so crazy is bc of the fact that a 19 yr old woman, while mature physically, still has a long way to go emotionally. -
liscarkat-2 — 13 years ago(January 27, 2013 05:08 PM)
Sorry, but what you say is not a 'fact'. The success of such a relationship depends upon the personalities of the two individuals who are involved. Having the relationship is not an indication of being 'emotionally stunted' or 'crazy' or having 'serious issues'. However, it looks like you have some hangups about it yourself, so you should definitely avoid being involved with anyone who's not your age.
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lulupalooza — 11 years ago(November 04, 2014 06:33 PM)
That doesn't mean that it actually is. There are countries and cultures where it's the "norm" for men over 70 years old to marry girls as young as 10. Doesn't make it right. Also, it was once the "norm" for white people to own black slaves in the U.S. Now we know that it is wrong to do so.
Historically, the public's perception isn't always normal and healthy.
"Don't get chumpatized!" - The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters (2007) -
m_smink — 13 years ago(January 29, 2013 03:50 AM)
I love how these 'psychologists' put labels on things and then generalize everything. No two couples are the same, not everything is 'textbook'.
just because you see a lot of men and women with these problems, does not mean that every soul out there is the same. Sure 19 and 35 is a big gap, and it might be hard, but I'm sure for some couples it works and is this gap not something that cannot be overcome. -
doggie_rodriguez — 11 years ago(November 19, 2014 04:44 PM)
any female who is looking to enter a long term relationship with a 35 year old man has some psychological issues
That is one of the stupidest comments I've ever read on IMDB (and this site is filled with stupid comments).
People have different life experiences and mature differently. It's possible that a ridiculously mature 19 year old could be as emotionally mature as a 35 year old that is sort of a late bloomer.
On the surface, yeah, it's probably not ideal for a 35 year old to be dating a 19 year old. However, it's certainly not a psychological problem for them to date. -
AlwaysBored123 — 13 years ago(February 10, 2013 05:11 AM)
It's not 'wrong' necessarily, but I don't think it's healthy. A lot of people will give you the 'age is just a number' spiel but I think that's ridiculous. There is a reason we have drinking laws, age of consent laws, age for voting, for joining the military etc. I doubt very much you are in the same place that you were at 19, that you were as experienced or as mature as you are now. People grow and dating someone who hasn't had the chance to grow as much as you is tricky and not some arbitrary thing that can or should be shrugged off.
At 19 you are legally an adult and are at an age where you can make choices about who you want to be with. But just because it's not illegal and not something that's horribly wrong doesn't make it a good idea. At 19, you are entering the world, learning what it's like to be independent, basically starting your life. Why would you even want to date someone straddling the line of childhood and adulthood?
You're in vastly different places in your life and there is no way those things won't cause obstacles.
I don't have a problem with age difference but it so depends upon the age of the 'participants'. A 16 year age difference is nothing between, say, a 30 year old and a 46 year old. But imo, when one of the participants is a teenager (or had just ended their teen years extremely recently) anything more than a few years is too much for a relationship to prosper properly and healthily. -
xlangamesfl — 13 years ago(February 11, 2013 12:42 AM)
Live life and love the way you choose to. Who cares if others think it is wrong or right? If you are both happy than continue to be so. Don't stop mid smile and ask if the smile is right to begin with.
Sometimes a 19 year old can be mature beyond their years, and sometimes a person in their 30's can truly be as energetic and youthful as they were at 19. Life is short, so do yourself a favor and ignore society as much as you can lol. -
LightChild7 — 12 years ago(May 09, 2013 10:35 PM)
Yeah, I mean I'm 35 and I definitely see myself with a younger girl. Why? Because I'm VERY young at heart and most women are too serious and just aren't that interesting and seem to have lost that spark for life and love. I still feel like I'm 23, maybe that's why I need a younger girl. But yeah if a younger girl comes along and there is something real there, why would I reject her? That's just stupid. I'm not going to lie, taking a girls virginity at this age would be a little scary but if I wouldn't do it out of love some douche may come along and take advantage and that would be bad. Like the other person said it really is about two people being in the same area of their lives. But I totally feel that if real emotion and love is involved, isn't that everything that matters? Anyway the way this movie ended got me down sigh, he basically threw a shot at real love away, I definitely think it was his fear that led him astray, and at the end when he was with that girl it seemed like Elizabeth Olson's character (Forget her name) was on his mind. Anyway because he is exactly my age and involved with a younger girl, I could definitely relate. It wasn't a bad movie by any means but it was definitely a downer.
"You were the only one who could have gotten to that blood Garry, we'll do you last!"