an unintentional funny
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rascal67 — 11 years ago(July 02, 2014 04:51 AM)
..she's depressed, not an axe-murderer or psychotic. That is harsh.
I wasn't referring to severe mental illness or behaviour. I was questioning the state of mind of the mother, who is depressed enough to need medication to treat it. How does her own depression, affect her ability to cope with motherhood and should she be breeding if she is depressed? There are enough screwed up kids in the world, as it is. I am aware I am sounding cynical here.
And if your mom was on medication or smoked that means she have never had given you the life that perhaps you value so much.
I am not sure how to answer this. If I had not been born\birthed into my current physical human state of being, I am not going to "value" something, that I am not going to be aware of. Perhaps I feel my mother shouldn't have been having children..she can be controlling, obtuse, negative and dense at the best of times.
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SimplemindedSociety — 11 years ago(July 02, 2014 05:37 AM)
rascal,
I think I revised my last post before you responded
But re:
"Perhaps I feel my mother shouldn't have been having children..she can be controlling, obtuse, negative and dense at the best of times."
I agree completely.
The problem is people don't know they are controlling, obtuse, negative and dense; if they knew, they would no longer be controlling, obtuse, negative and dense. Yeah, my mother probably should not have had children, but here I am, as I've have always been.
As one person once told me "blame her for what's she does, not for who she is" (not that it makes any easier.) -
rascal67 — 11 years ago(July 02, 2014 03:48 PM)
The problem is people don't know they are controlling, obtuse, negative and dense
I suppose that is why they are "dense". Is the don't knowing just denial and they refuse to acknowledge? I don't know if I believe, that people can get to a certain age in their life and not know what they are doing. It is all a game and a survival technique. I also see it as victimhood and "poor me" mentality.
Yeah, my mother probably should not have had children, but here I am, as I've have always been.
That is all part of the journey. I am waiting for the moment, (and likely not in this lifetime), when people are going to need a license to breed. I see this as inevitable, if the fate of the planet is too survive.
"blame her for what's she does, not for who she is"
I don't necessarily blame her and am old enough and ugly enough to accept the way she is. I just question why she has allowed herself to have so much low self worth within herself, that it gets projected onto others.
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SimplemindedSociety — 11 years ago(July 02, 2014 08:15 PM)
'Is the don't knowing just denial and they refuse to acknowledge? I don't know if I believe, that people can get to a certain age in their life and not know what they are doing'
I think it's and/or, depending in the person.
Has anybody ever told her what she's doing, whether she accepts it or not? Does she even have the self-awareness to know the difference?
It's only because they are at that certain age which makes it worse, and more of a learned behavior. In other words, they should have been spanked over their own parents' knee a long time ago.
'I don't necessarily blame her and am old enough and ugly enough to accept the way she is.'
If that were true, would we be having this discussion?
'I just question why she has allowed herself to have so much low self worth within herself, that it gets projected onto others'.
Only her and the shrink (she likely never saw)knows. It's gets projected onto to others because:
others allow it.
they were/are too young to not allow it. -
rascal67 — 11 years ago(July 02, 2014 11:19 PM)
In other words, they should have been spanked over their own parents' knee a long time ago.
I get your point and that is also part of my point, that abusive parenting physical\psychologicalis very damaging and parents need more awareness of this. Having children is a human and natural part of life for many, yet I see so many taking it for granted and is see it as a given, rather than a privilege. Going deep here; but it is the ignorant notion of "self" and the physical presence, being the source of the life and a blatant disregard for the "consciousness", which is a constant.
'I don't necessarily blame her and am old enough and ugly enough to accept the way she is.'
If that were true, would we be having this discussion?
I suppose it is more about being "used" to the way someone like my mother can be. It can be hard work and I am aware of what I can be in for; but what other choice do I have but to just accept it, if I want to have communication and a relationshipas frustrating as it can be. I would say, that she is well intentioned, though not wholly genuine or honest and the aloofness and negativity can be toxic.
Only her and the shrink (she likely never saw)knows. It's gets projected onto to others because:
others allow it.
they were/are too young to not allow it.
It becomes a vicious circle. She doesn't need to pay to see a shrink, just to hear that she has "low self worth". I have already told her that years ago, which no doubt would have been dismissed and also insulting to hear from her own son.
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SimplemindedSociety — 11 years ago(July 04, 2014 08:48 AM)
'what other choice do I have but to just accept it, if I want to have communication and a relationship'
That works both ways: be the YOU that you decide and tell her she has to "accept" it. She's not used to hearing that.
'It becomes a vicious circle. She doesn't need to pay to see a shrink, just to hear that she has "low self worth".'
Shrinks don't come out and say that, as such. They let you reflect on high/low your self-esteem is. Unless the patient brings up the subject of how low their self-esteem is, then the shrink will offer his/her insight. The 50 mins can be very spontateneous about whatever is on the patient's mind that minute, or as deep as the patient chooses. They have to be careful what they sayand how they say itso the patient does not become so freaked-out to want to exit the office.
'I get your point and that is also part of my point, that abusive parenting physical\psychologicalis very damaging and parents need more awareness of this'
It depends on how we define abuse; I don't brutality. Sometimes it takes a smack on the behind at that moment to know that they are not permitted to do, say or choose whatever they want. (Watch a lioness show her pup that no means 'no'.) But, judging by what I see today, children were not shown enough on how to behave. -
rascal67 — 11 years ago(July 04, 2014 07:29 PM)
be the YOU that you decide and tell her she has to "accept" it. She's not used to hearing that.
Also had similar discussions with both folks. I am not referring to the acceptance of the individual, but the acceptance of the way a situation is as a whole, even if that includes non acceptance.if that makes sense.
Shrinks They let you reflect on high/low your self-esteem is. Unless the patient brings up the subject of how low their self-esteem is, then the shrink will offer his/her insight.
My notion about self-worth and self-esteem, is that there is a difference. It is ok to have low self-esteem; but self-worth is something that many of us deny ourselves and we need to feel that we are worth the same value, regardless of how we feel within ourselves, at any given time. That value, shouldn't ever change. I actually recall telling my mother, that she needs to start "realizing her own self-worth". This was in response to one of her b!t@hy, pointed, negative, aloof comments.
It depends on how we define abuse; I don't brutality..judging by what I see today, children were not shown enough on how to behave.
I know a little tap or smack is inconsequential; but there are more serious forms of abuse that many children and adults endure. Positive and understanding parenting technique is what is lacking and that goes for any era. They don't know what to teach their children, other than about the "self", because they don't know themselves. They are ignorant to the essence of the lifeform they have created and can't see the wider picture. It is all external and about the physical and the ego and it is just going to get worse.
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cookiela2001 — 11 years ago(July 02, 2014 02:30 AM)
Why did you cite the babies skull crushed in relation to nicotine, though. Is there are correlation?
What I meant was, birth is traumatic for an infant. Its skull is literally crushed smaller during birth. I'm imagine if the baby's suddenly jonesing for a cigarette because it no longer has trace amounts of its smoker mom's nicotine supply, it's the least of its worries
: ) -
fiatlux-1 — 11 years ago(July 04, 2014 10:30 AM)
Its not the baby's problem (nor anyone else who has to breathe in that noxious garbage's smoke) if the mother can't or won't quit cigarettes.
If you have an addiction, either quit before conception or don't have a baby at all.
Choices & free will. We all have them.
"I'd say this cloud is Cumulo Nimbus."
"Didn't he discover America?"
"Penfold, shush." -
SimplemindedSociety — 11 years ago(July 04, 2014 07:20 PM)
'Its not the baby's problem (nor anyone else who has to breathe in that noxious garbage's smoke) if the mother can't or won't quit cigarettes.
If you have an addiction, either quit before conception or don't have a baby at all.
Choices & free will. We all have them.'
You're a naive judgemental uninformed arrogant person. It must be your 'choice' to be that way.
You haven't a clue about choices and free will, as you run your goody-2 shoes mouth off about your little ideal arrogant preceived notions. But let the lecturing began like a new-age know it-all. You do more damage to your baby every time you gobble down whatever you do while you're lonely at 2:00 in the morning. The world need not bend for you.
You're done. -
fiatlux-1 — 11 years ago(March 30, 2015 09:24 PM)
How is it expected for a mother to give up an addiction just like that?
Then don't get pregnant! You don't magically get pregnant; you can certainly decide to quit smoking long before conceiving.
I'd say this cloud is Cumulo Nimbus.
Didn't he discover America?
Penfold, shush. -
fiatlux-1 — 10 years ago(February 24, 2016 03:18 PM)
How is it expected for a mother to give up an addiction just like that?
Um, the same way she decided to get pregnant!
If you actually care about your baby, you quit BEFORE you get pregnant.
Or don't have a child. easy enough.
Its not about the mother anymore, its about the CHILD.
I'd say this cloud is Cumulo Nimbus.
Didn't he discover America?
Penfold, shush. -
Jose_Accent_On_E — 9 years ago(August 05, 2016 03:37 PM)
You're just as likely to be affected from auto emissions, than second-hand smoke
Finally! An answer which doesn't reflect the modern righteous smug hysteria concerning cigarettes. But don't ask these geniuses to cut down on their automobiling which is killing the dag nab planet! -
StaunchWoman — 10 years ago(August 27, 2015 12:51 PM)
I am sorry, but no matter the erahow could ANYONE EVER THINK CIGARETTES WERE OK?!
RIGHT?!?!? Because coughing up that black/brown lung butter is a sure sign of optimal health!
We've met before, haven't we? -
Sponiatowski — 10 years ago(February 23, 2016 02:03 PM)
I can't believe how brainwashed Americans are about smoking, drinking, etc. but it really stands out when watching a pre-hippie era film.
It wasn't the smoking, alcohol, etc. that turned Rosemary's Baby into Satan's bratit was the herbs and vitamin drinks and healthy cakes that made the baby evil.
It was the Health Food that did it!
And now, take a moment to think about what exactly all this health demagoguery is doing to you!
If your wife is a wicked witch, you're a flying monkey. -
fiatlux-1 — 11 years ago(July 07, 2014 06:04 PM)
Actually, she does drink but very lightly at the party. She drinks ginger ale after the alcoholic drink she is sipping makes the 'pain' worse.
"I'd say this cloud is Cumulo Nimbus."
"Didn't he discover America?"
"Penfold, shush."