Things you've learned from Maury
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Archived from the IMDb Discussion Forums — Maury
easjr1991 — 11 years ago(February 07, 2015 04:40 PM)
I am inspired by this post where a woman jokingly talks about the things she has learned from Maury
http://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12206114/things-i-learned-from-ma ury
I forgot how educational and informative daytime television is. Today on Maury's extra special paternity episode (does he even do anything else anymore?) we've learned that:
13 year old boys shoot "dog water" and obviously can't get anyone pregnant < sadly this is coming from his NURSE mother
40 year old men cannot get women pregnant anymore. Are they shooting dog water too? Or does it change to something else? Important questions they've left unanswered.
And when demanding child support from a man who may or may not be the father, always make sure to include a charge for vaginal rejuvenation. Maybe if he's not the father he'll still pay for it in exchange for getting joint custody.
I'll start.
Accusing the wrong man of fathering your baby is an honest mistake. -
DrakeScott — 10 years ago(May 02, 2015 03:34 PM)
I learned mothers are mere vessels who contribute nothing genetic to the baby. After all, that baby CAN'T be his, because it looks nothing like him (or all his other kids with different babymommas).
I learned that children are born speaking Spanish.
I learned that it's a legitimate argument to claim you can't be the father if the mother slept with somebody else, too. -
GraceFromSoCal — 10 years ago(May 02, 2015 08:36 PM)
I'll start.
Accusing the wrong man of fathering your baby is an honest mistake.
You're "courageous" if you're plodding through 10, 15, 20 possible sperm donors to identify your baby's father.
http://www.CaliforniaDreamsPhotography.com -
DanaShelbyChancey — 10 years ago(May 20, 2015 09:40 AM)
I would have to assume that giving birth to a baby when you aren't sure of who its father is, causes speech defects in the mother.
It causes her to shriek in a shrill, loud voice while appearing on a TV show, yelling and screaming constantly while others are trying to speak.
And to repeat the same 3-5 words, over and over again, in the aforementioned shrill shriek. e g It's your baby, it's your baby, it's your baby. Or You're a liar! You're a liar! You're a liar! -
GraceFromSoCal — 10 years ago(May 22, 2015 08:39 PM)
You're giving them a little too much credit when it comes to their grasp of the English language!
And to repeat the same 3-5 words, over and over again, in the aforementioned shrill shriek. e g It's your baby, it's your baby, it's your baby. Or You're a liar! You're a liar! You're a liar!
No, no, no. Here's the corrected version: "he you baby!" and "you a liar!" Don't forget that they "get out the car" and everything.
http://www.CaliforniaDreamsPhotography.com -
bradford-1 — 10 years ago(May 27, 2015 11:02 AM)
A) Maury NEVER seems to make any moral judgments like, "Why do you keep having unprotected sex?" or, "Why do you WANT an unemployed, ex-(or current) prison inmate to be your child's father?"
B)Every guy who "is not" the father has the dance moves of an early-80s breakdancer.
C) Why do the men who are accused of cheating always insist on taking lie detector tests? And when it turns out they're usually lying, they are quick to yell stuff like, "Maury, that machine was BROKE!"
D) Why do the black female guests invariably have names like Turqueneesha or Sha'nella? Whatever happened to names like Joan and Gloria?
E) Why do the white guests usually look like a cross between the casts of "Deliverance" and "Tobacco Road"?
May I bone your kipper, Mademoiselle? -
GraceFromSoCal — 10 years ago(May 27, 2015 02:58 PM)
Excellent points, bradford-1.
It's the unprotected sex thing that really gets me. Maury SHOULD be using his show as a platform to CALL OUT peopleboth men and womenwho are having unprotected sex with wanton disregard for their, and their partners', health. If we think about the men who are fathering 5, 10, 15 or more children, with different women, and take into account that pregnancy doesn't likely occur 100% of the time when having sex, they must be having sex with, what?, 30, 40, 100 different women? Just think about that for a moment:
unprotected
sex with all of those women, and all of THEIR previous partnersand THEIR previous partnersetc. Yet Maury sits there and tells the womenwho've just heard, for the 20th time, that "you are NOT the father!"how courageous they are to be looking for their childrens' father(s).
http://www.CaliforniaDreamsPhotography.com -
SydneyIz — 10 years ago(August 06, 2015 12:32 PM)
Don't sign or admit to anything until a DNA test or lie detector test is taken.
Never mention the word "abortion" - I'm sure it's been mentioned, but it's rarely said.
You can have two-twins with two separate fathers, some guests and people have said that it is impossible, twins cannot have different fathers. Nope, real scientific condition -
Superfecundation
is the fertilization of two or more ova from the same cycle by sperm from separate acts of sexual intercourse.
Vasectomies are proficient, but they do fail (though rarely).
http://www.nytimes.com/ref/health/healthguide/esn-vasectomy-expert.html
The average person/viewer has a hard time distinguishing between female models, trans-female models (transgender/transsexual female),and lite-drag performers/models (drag queens) on looks alone. Audience members are always getting more than half of these guesses,wrong. (I hate these types of shows).
There's a generation of people who don't know who Connie Chung is, even though she was way more famous than you know who until about the late 90s to late 2000s.
America is filled crappy parents.
Appearing on Maury doesn't quite lead to the same fame, as it does appearing on Teen Mom (I'm sorry about that one).