https://babylonbee.com/news/want-to-survive-while-flying-follow-these-9-easy-tips
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Archived from the IMDb Discussion Forums — Everything Else
MovieManCin2 — 1 year ago(February 22, 2025 03:54 AM)
https://babylonbee.com/news/want-to-survive-while-flying-follow-these-9-easy-tips
- Avoid flying Delta, United, Southwest and Alaska
. Strangely, Spirit should be fine. - Log as many hours as you can on Microsoft Flight Simulator 98 before your trip.
This will come in handy if you're needed to help fly the plane. - Make sure the pilot is a middle-aged retired fighter pilot named "Chuck".
And he should have a mustache. - Sew together 100 hot towels to form a parachute.
Might come in handy. - Bring your mom so she can put her arm over your chest like a seatbelt if the plane stops suddenly.
This will save your life. - Sit between two morbidly obese passengers for cushioning.
The tubbier, the better. - Poke your head into the cockpit and remind the flight crew to check if the wings are still attached.
Follow it up with a polite
"I just wanted to tell you good luck, we're all counting on you." - Travel by a Chinese rickshaw instead.
A 98% less chance of dying in a fiery explosion. - Practice jumping so you can jump off the airplane floor just before the crash and avoid 100% of the impact.
It's proven effective in elevators, so it stands to reason it'll work on a plane.
MAGA! FAFO!
Schrodinger's Cat walks into a bar, and doesn't. Dumbocraps: evil people who celebrate murder. 
- Avoid flying Delta, United, Southwest and Alaska
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WarrenPeace — 1 year ago(February 22, 2025 05:27 AM)
And the #1 safety tip is….
…Don’t fly as long as Turd Lump is president!
That dumb asshole is the only cause of the recent airplane crashes.
And you ****ing know it.
"Please vote to preserve the unique character of Warren…" - Robert Duvall -