Things I learned from Hard to Kill
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o_placid_o — 18 years ago(April 23, 2007 05:45 PM)
- If you're in a coma for seven years, you can easily wake up and be just as tanned as you were before. Sun penetrates hospital walls, bedsheets, and clothing.
- If you name your kid Sonny, you have to spread your "badass-edness" all over the news so that every person he ever meets won't kick his ass.
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Dachunde — 18 years ago(April 26, 2007 06:12 AM)
1.) 'I thought you'd like a flower' is the GREATEST chat up line EVER and leads to an immediate shag on the floor.
2.) Even though you thought he was dead, haven't seen him for 7 years and he just got shot at, there is NO need to look your son in the eye when you reuniteinstead rub his head and break some dude's neck in front of several eye witnesses.
3.) If you were once a cop revenge killings go unpunished.
4.) Unless it stars Erika Eleniak's breasts ANY Seagal film will be hilariously awful. In a really good way.
5.) Steven Seagal runs like a special olympics entrant.
6.) A 7 year coma is enough time to 'mourn' your murdered wifeso that you can screw the first nurse that takes you to a hillside retreat.
7.) If a random woman saves your life, trust her with the investigation of your murdered family and invite her on holiday after you've slain 12 bad-guys in unarmed combat.
8.) Mason Storm is harder than the bride = 7years, no sword. He CAN wiggle his big toe.
'Thats for my wife. F@CK you and DIE!' -
Captain_Bob — 17 years ago(December 19, 2008 06:33 AM)
If you grew up in the late 80's you regularly had sex at 11:30 during Johnny Carson's monologue. (well I did at least).
If you want to hide a supposedly dead guy, change his name to something inconspicuous like "John Doe".
If you're a corrupt politician it's ok to talk loudly about your covered-up crimes if it's somewhere safe - like at one of your own rallies next to a large crowd.
If you say "you can take that to the bank" enough times, Steven Seagal WILL remember.
If a sexy woman says "You've got to believe me, you're safe here ok?" it means it's ok to shave off your beard and beep her.
Weight training has more effect if you read some Chinese in between sessions.
If Steven Seagal sits on a hilltop for more than 10 seconds, a hawk call is guaranteed.
Saxophones are unavoidable even in 1990!
If you're Seagal in a jeep about to crash into a low brick wall, magic ramps appear and allow you to heroically jump over.
If Seagal steals your car, it will go unharmed as long as it's a Corvette (time-honored pussy magnet).
If fighting Seagal, "let's see whatcha got" are definitely your final words.
When you KNOW Seagal is after you, it's time to casually shoot some pool with the guys.
And of course "anticipation of death is worse than death itself".
If Steven Seagal starts calling out "Vernon oh Vernon" it's game over man (provided your name is Vernon).
If you, the viewer, didn't mouth the words "I missed I never miss" you're lying!
Great Flick! -
baddlezone — 18 years ago(May 07, 2007 11:12 AM)
all you need to do to see any patient's chart is wear a stethoscope
every nurse, security guard and physical therapist in a hospital know each other by thier first names
only one person in the u.s.a. can figure out that a politcian is crooked
no one gets sick of a politcian using the same catch phrase for seven years
kelly lebrock was hot, once, long ago
even if you leave notes that you are going to kill someone, you still can claim self-defense -
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uhohhotdog — 18 years ago(February 02, 2008 04:27 AM)
Trailer
11. Hitmen will kill anyone except their main target.
12. Stabbing a tree with a stick is great practice because trees don't fight back.
13. Geraldo with a nose cast is hilarious.
14. Running up a dirt path like an 80 year old woman with her ankles tied together isn't (surprisingly) counterproductive. Special Olympics here we come!
15. Male cameltoe should be displayed in tight acid washed jeans.
16. "Superior attitude. Superior state of mind." should be a bumper sticker.
17. Grenades will appear in your hand to quickly get rid of several bad guys at once.
18. You see your memories in tunnel vision.
19. Thugs will wait outside of a house with huge amplifiers to hear the occupant repeat, out loud, info they just heard over the phone instead of bugging the occupant's phone to listen in on the conversation.
20. Killing a guy by putting him in a sleeper hold is a good way to bond with your long lost son.
21. It is necessary to check behind screens that you can see through for bad guys that might be hiding.
22. When a shotgun is shoved into your mouth blood will suddenly appear smeared around your mouth like lipstick.
23.This movie is actually a comedy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXx3_ykUpfY&feature=related -
ThunderInParadise — 17 years ago(October 27, 2008 08:38 PM)
- That you can be in a coma for 7 years, come out, and be able to acquire the EXACT same outfit you were wearing when you got shot, and it STILL fits perfectly fine.
- Your arm won't get blown off when shredded by shotgun from 6ft. away.
- Hitmen need laser sights on shotguns just to check their accuracy.
- That instead of picking up your pistol after being shot and continuing firing, yell "mother F'ers!" and engage the enemy in hand to hand combat.
- When shooting a store clerk, a thug will then put the gun barrel right up under your chin, and start "rough talking" instead of blowing you away immediately.
- That the foyer of Trent's house is the same one used for the Steel Dragons house in "Rockstar".
- Nobody can explain to Trent "what's the matter with people?".
- When you tell Seagal to leave you alone, he'll mindlessly snap your leg by kicking it.
- Seagal is invincible because he's jacked up coke 1/2 the time.
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JoeyAbs — 17 years ago(November 05, 2008 12:40 PM)
- Senator Vernon Trent donation to the Blood Bank is still lacking
- The real victim of "Hard to Kill" was not the Storm Family or Lt. O'Malley. It is the guy who owned that house Kelly LeBrock was house sitting. Imagine going home from China to see your beautiful Asian Contemporary Home riddled w/ bullets, broken glass & artifacts and dead corrupt cops. Plus the horse he got from his parents is gone. WTF!
- Taking on a well connected Senator with an Army of Corrupt Cops and Goons is not impossible w/ "Superior Attitude".
- Death by Necktie can happen and it can make the Corrupt, Good Again.
- Instead of just blowing the pissed off out for revenge guy away when you're hiding with a sawed off shotgun, always yell the guy's name and easily let him take the gun away from you.
6)"Thats for my Wife. beep You and Die" is one of the coolest yet awkward one-liners known to man. - It took Mason Storm a few days to mourn his dead wife and nail the hot nurse who sexually harassed you while in a coma.
9)"To be great, you need to learn how to heal. Hurting people is easy" Yet Storm does more hurting than healing. - R.I.P. O'Malley!